Super Smash Quest - Story - Chapter 122: Swimming for Soup
Date: January 15th, 2005.
Metal Man (GM): Locos were talking to Grunty when... BOOM! An explosion throws him away from there. The pot of soup flew out of the tower. Yurie is nearby, invisible. A variety of guards wearing checkerboard suits are running around. Grunty is currently half-charred black from the explosion.
Yurie is hiding behind Grunty's throne, hidden by her Magic Cloak.
Grunty: "Arrrrrgh! I've been blasted by the past!"
Charles: "...You what now?"
Grunty: "Who dares to destroy my share of such a careful plan?"
Charles: "That soup had better be alright..."
Grunty: "The bird and bear, they did this quite a lot, they teared my plans, and made my victories not!"
Charles: "Me thinks this was a different kind of plot."
Grunty: "Now then... come here, or be bent!"
Metal Man (GM): Grunty pulls out a eerily glowing cube that's the size of a Gamecube.
Yurie slips around Grunty's throne, remaining quite silent..
Grunty: "You shall share a prison seat, right next to the beak of Kazooie!"
Charles: "I will not sit in this dark lair; being commanded by enemy of bird and bear."
Metal Man (GM): Grunty gets up, and starts walking towards Charles.
Grunty: "Do not fear, I only intend... to trap you here!"
Metal Man (GM): Grunty taps the cubes, as several weird guards wearing witch hats move towards Locos.
Yurie (GM): Suddenly, a soft FWOOSH is heard as Yurie promptly appears, her sword gleaming as she slices upwards to knock the cube up into the air, then catch it.
Grunty: "Say your prayers, silly---Ack!"
Metal Man (GM): Yurie hits the cube... *GLOW.* A loud flash is seen in the room. When it ends... Yurie is somehow squished inside the cube. Able to talk and nothing else.
Grunty: "Curse you! I wanted him, not some kook!"
Metal Man (GM): Grunty just punts the cube out the hole...
Charles: "You have to admit... it sorta is an improvement."
Metal Man (GM): ...And so Yurie flies into the river.
Grunty: "Now then... I just will have to use the old fashioned... zen!"
Charles: "...Now THAT was not needed!"
Metal Man (GM): Grunty gets into some sort of Kung-Fu stance.
Charles: "Okay I got it..."
Grunty: "Prepare to be beaten, for the time that you have eaten!"
Charles takes a step back... "Now normally I would not do this in an enemy base, but now you have to pursue me in a chase!"
Grunty: "I'll get you, silly shoe!"
Metal Man (GM): Grunty goes running towards Locos.
Charles dashes out to the newly ripped hole.
Yurie: *blub blub blub blub-blubblubblub, blub blub blub blubBLUBBLUBBLUB!* (Translation: "I don't intend to be rude, but I'm stuck in a F**KING CUBE!"
Charles starts climbing down, not looking down, and do it rapidly.
Metal Man (GM): Locos faintly hears Yurie nearby.
Charles: "...Gotta find, gotta find..."
Grunty: "Curses! My prisoner has escaped, such a fate!"
Metal Man (GM): Grunty gives up, as she can't climb... and the nearest broomstick is too far away. Locos gets down the tower. He sees a lush... green land... with a river flowing through it. ...The cube containing Yurie and the soup are flowing downriver.
Charles: "I'm coming!" *gets to following the flow of the river.*
Metal Man (GM): Charles sees it leads to the ocean... but a rather painful looking whitewater rapids is in between. Several nasty looking rocks with eyes are sitting in there... all of them sharp... some of them might have mouths!
Charles: "...Have to... reach..."
Metal Man (GM): Charles could swim after the stuff... but if he fails, then both he and the stuff are in for a bashing. ...Klungo is on the other side of the river.
Klungo: "Urrrgh urgh! Get ssssstufffff! Misssstressss Grunty mussssst have the sssssoup!"
Charles is risking to save the precious. He'll go in the river to swim.
Metal Man (GM): Klungo leaps in as well, trying to out-swim Charles. He knocks into the sides. Several times.
Charles: "Must... get... THE PRECIOUS!"
Klungo: "Ow ow ow owwwwww!!!"
Metal Man (GM): Locos gets to Yurie and the soup... but he's stuck between rocks and Klungo. One way, he's in for a whitewater thrashing... The other, he is in for a beating from an enraged Klungo carrying some new, deadlier potions.
Klungo: "Come baaaaack hereeeee! The ssssssoup belongssssss to Gruntyyyyyy!"
Charles: "To here... and I quote... Thheee Miisssstreessssss will not haaavve the sooouuppp!"
Charles gets on top of either the cube or the pot..whichever is closer to him.
Metal Man (GM): Charles is facing Klungo, who's got a purple and and a... nuclear green potion.
Charles: "You remind me..of a very young Charles Hipler."
Klungo: "I'lll geeeeeeeeeet you! Prepare tooooo beeee crussssshed!"
Charles struggles to get onto the now wet pot. He thinks how to do this.
Metal Man (GM): The whitewater rapids are coming up quickly. Charles could get one attack in before being knocked off and beaten up by those stones with eyes.
Charles: "Here I come!" *dives with a one-shot Heavy Punch.*
Metal Man (GM): Charles flies off the pot. Klungo throws the nuclear potion at him.
Klungo: "Taaaaaake thissssss!" *BOOOOOOM.*
Metal Man (GM): Charles takes damage from the miniature nuclear explosion. And... now all of the people in this sortie have hit the rapids. The rocks start moving around violently. They also hit Klungo twice. Yurie and the soup are violently thrown around. ...There's a whirlpool, dead ahead!
Klungo: "Klunnnnnnnngo fleeeeeee! Whirrrrrrrlpoooooool!"
Metal Man (GM): Klungo leaps out of the river and flees. The soup is gonna go in the whirlpool soon if Charles doesn't get it soon.
Charles: "So much for the ocean..." *tries to swim to the cube, and swim it outta the river.*
Metal Man (GM): Charles does that. However, the soup is now... heading to the whirlpool. Klungo realizes this and immediately runs for it.
Klungo: "Theeeee souuuuuup!"
Charles hits the cube with one of his heavy punches.
Metal Man (GM): He leaps in and grabs the soup. Klungo leaps out and runs off with the soup. The cube does not break.
Charles: "...I can't do this alone."
Metal Man (GM): Though it seems like Charles' hand might break if he keeps on hitting it...
Klungo: "Thhhaaaaaanks for the ssooooooup, suckkkkkker!"
Metal Man (GM): Klungo disappears with the soup.
Charles picks the cube up. He tries to run after Klungo judging from the last direction he was in.
Metal Man (GM): He ran to the tower. There's many signs pointing the right way to the tower, so Charles easily follows his path. Charles reaches the entrance to the tower, which at the lower 5 stories, is a part of a huge cave.
Charles brings the cube to his head.
Metal Man (GM): Yurie sees Locos holding her up to eye level.
Yurie: "Get me out of here..."
Metal Man (GM): The entrance to the tower is open and unguarded.
Charles will now hold his hand up so Yurie can see at approximately his upper torso. He enters the cave entrance.
Metal Man (GM): The traditional song of Grunty's lair would be heard, of course... plus some mechanical noises. There are three doors up ahead, also unguarded. Left one: 'Grunty's Tower' Middle one: 'Grunty's Prison.' Right one: 'Grunty's Armory.'
Charles: "...hmmm... ! My inner self that ties with close comrades tells me that prisoners can help in a revolution!" *begans a dashing motion, but then walks.*
Metal Man (GM): Charles opens the door. It slids open, revealing an all-metal stainless steel boilerplate room. three cells. Right there. In cell number one, a cube with... a red bird (Kazooie), in it. In the middle cell, a cube with a bear (Banjo) in it. And a third one, with a weird skeleton person (Mumbo Jumbo) in it. These ones have keyholes on each side, though.
Charles: "As I thought; more cubes."
Kazooie: "Hey! Who're you!"
Banjo: "Finally, someone has come to save us!"
Mumbo Jumbo: "Mumbo wants out!"
Kazooie: "All we've seen for the last few weeks is that wall... and a bunch of freaks!"
Charles: "I'll help ya. I don't have a clue as to where the keys are, though."
Banjo: "Can you open these cubes?"
Metal Man (GM): Oh yeah, the cells holding the cubes have 6 more keys for each. And the bars are electrified. And golden. There's security cameras everywhere: If Charles stepped too close, an alarm would go off. Or at least, that's what a sign painted with red letters says. 'Do not come too close to prisoners; may set off alarms!'
Mumbo Jumbo: "Wait... Mumbo remembers... you need 36 keys to free us all, friend! Scattered across the world they are... guarded by hideous monsters and traps!"
Kazooie: "Like this weirdo carrying someone else in a cube is gonna free us?"
Banjo: "It's our only hope. there's no one else who is able to do such a thing!"
Charles: "I'd watch what you speak of, Beaky."
Kazooie: "What're you going to do, run up to the bars and get electrocuted while the guards blast you and then put you in a cube as well?"
Mumbo Jumbo: "...Mumbo hopes you aren't discouraged by Kazooie."
Banjo: "You might want to leave soon. Grunty has guards check this place every 5 minutes!"
Charles: "Please. I've heard better insults and sarcasms by a Jentanian elf. And he honestly tries his best... with no luck. Got it. Find keys, release you, and get outta here first thing."
Kazooie: "A jentashian what? Huh? Figures, our only hope doesn't know how to speak english!"
Mumbo Jumbo: "Make sure to stop the evil ghost person."
Metal Man (GM): The door shuts behind Charles.
Doopliss: "Well, what do we have here? Just what we need right now... The prisoner... who escaped... coming to the prison... with his accomplice!"
Kazooie: "Shut up, you bedsheet-brained moron!"
Doopliss: "...I'd strangle you if you weren't behind electricuted bars and inside a cube."
Doopliss: "Now then, Locos. Shall we make a deal?"
Charles: "Layeth upon me the proposition."
Doopliss: "We have the soup. You will be let free, as well as Yurie... if you unseal it for us first! We'll even let you keep the cube."
Charles: "That is an interest... oh wait..."
Doopliss: "Or... you keep the soup and give us the person in the cube."
Charles cringes. "...You might want another person to unseal it for you. I'm not exactly the best at unsealments."
Doopliss: "...I mean Yurie. ...You're the only person we got... Except... hey, maybe we could recruit Zemus Dongthar!"
Charles: "Like this one time back when I was 16..."
Doopliss: "And... that evil brother of yours... Lumis Dongthar? Might have the names mixed up."
Locos Docos (GM): Jumpshift familiy guy moment.
Charles is wearing an apprentice hat with a star. "Zeno... Opion!"
Locos Docos (GM): ...several seconds staring passing by...
Teacher: "...Are you sure this is gonna--"
Charles: "Yes, I'm sure."
Teacher: "Really, all I could do is--"
Charles: "I SAID I GOT IT!" *pounds on the lid of a test tub.*
Locos Docos (GM): Enter scene of entire school.
Locos Docos (GM): School is now bursted with fudge-like sludge.
Charles: "Then there was this one time when I was in Hong Kong..."
Doopliss: "...Who cares? Unseal it! Or I'll sic all those Lunarian people on you!"
Locos Docos (GM): Jumpshift again.
Merchant: "For the last time, Lunarian. That doesn't open the basket! In fact, it's not even sealed."
Locos Docos (GM): the basket shakes violently.
Charles: "...Umm... you did say these were peaceful snakes, right?"
Merchant: "Well ya... I did say--"
Locos Docos (GM): The lid pops up and the snakes all attack Charles.
Charles: "OH--OH! OH MY GOD!! I MIGHT'VE DID SOMETHING WRONG!!"
Merchant: "You might... I dunno, angered them?"
Locos Docos (GM): One of the snakes bite ...in a very unpleasant area. He gaps and is rolling in pain as they continue to bite other the ankles, etc.
Charles: "Ohh... this is the worst pain I've ever felt."
Locos Docos (GM): A second snake bites.
Charles: "This is the worst pain I've ever felt! Ohhhh..."
Doopliss: *TWAP* "Enough!"
Charles: "Yea... you wouldn't believe how much venom I was filled that day."
Doopliss: "I don't care how many rabid snakes and sludge appears... I want it unsealed..."
Charles: "Let me put it this way..." *stands to tower over Doopliss at a close distance.*
Metal Man (GM): Meanwhile, Kazooie is laughing her head off. The raucous laughter echoes throughout the tower.
Charles: "What I might make this soup turn into rabid dogs, rabbits, nun-chucks, and/or infect us with enough mustard gas to turn our intestines, lungs, and rest of the body to go into non-stop torment of pain!" *takes a sigh.* "My point is... I'm not good---scratch that. When it comes to unseal spells, I get an F minus in effort, craftsmanship, and cake. And the lowest a person can get is a C+."
Doopliss: "Okay... then tell me what Lunarian friends I should warp in."
Charles: "Let's see..."
Doopliss: "Or else I'll force you to unseal a container at the bottom of the ocean!"
Charles: "..." *KER-SMACK.* "Enemies or no, you know how I do not tolerate threats. Now let's see... hmm... Only three I know of. The person who's hatred against everything, my evil twin brother from another dimension, or the person who's always sticking something up his nose on Tuesdays. The problem with each of them is that Zemus would sooner enslave than unseal, Lumis wants to kill me above everything else, and third guy's in rehab."
Doopliss: "Okay, I'll go with Lumis."
Charles: "...I guess... one more try won't hurt."
Doopliss: "...Okay... you can try."
Charles: "Then it's either me... or my evil twin brother. ..." *looks to Yurie, Banjo, Kazooie, and Mumbo.*
Doopliss: "I know! You can unseal Yurie first! As a test!"
Charles: "You guys want me to pick an alternative?"
Kazooie: "As long as I watch the horrible pain, rabbits, and nun-chuks happening to you, I'd find it funny!"
Banjo: "As long as you unseal it..."
Charles: "...Yurie... you okay with this?"
Mumbo Jumbo: "I could unseal it if there weren't 12 keys spread across the world keeping me in here..."
Yurie: "Do it..."
Charles: "Well... okay..." *puts the cube down.* *takes a couple steps back, and cracks his fingers. He is about to begin when he asks...* "Hey, you guys do have insurance on this place, don't you? Cause... well... just in case." *begins again.*
Doopliss: "Of course! Banjo and Kazooie have blown this place up 3 times in a row..."
Charles wriggles his fingers and says... "...A pyro flunundrum!" The waves that come out of his finger bounce off of the cube and hit Doopliss's head... causing a bit of a fire.
Doopliss: "...My head is on fire. That isn't going to get Yurie free... ow ow ow ow ow!" *He beats it out with his hands.*
Charles: "Ah gee..I'm sorry. Lemme help." *raises his fingers.*
Doopliss: "Aim at the cube. It's fireproof."
Charles: "A hydro flunundrum!"
Doopliss: "...And not me... Oh no! Water!" *Hides.*
Charles water guzzles out of his finger and shoots at high intensity.
Yurie: "...can't you do something NONELEMENTAL??"
Kazooie: "Come on! Blow something up!"
Charles has the water spread all over he floor.
Doopliss: "...Just not my head."
Charles: "Well... I can try this." *gives off a snarl.* *gives the cube... The LAAAAAZZZEEE EYE.*
Yurie: "...Locos... now you're just not trying..."
Charles: "No..no... it's working. Now then..." *gets rid of the wandering eye.* "Now we say the magic words..."
Doopliss: "I hope this isn't a conspiracy to set me on fire."
Charles inhales deeply for about 15 seconds. "... Open Sayz'me."
Mumbo Jumbo: "It's open Sesame you amateur magic person!"
Locos Docos (GM): *POP.* one side of the cube... opens like a cage.
Doopliss: "Now... I guess we have to knock her out of the cube?" *Picks up the cube and shakes it. Yurie magically appears on the floor.*
Yurie: *THUD* @.@
Doopliss: "...Okay... now you have to do it on something that was sealed by yourself."
Charles looks to Mumbo's cell, sticks his tongue out, closes one eye, and puts his finger to extend his other eye.
Mumbo Jumbo: "...That only works half of the time! ...You just lucky..."
Doopliss: "He must unseal the soup!"
Charles: "...oh. ...That's it?" *snaps his finger.* "There. Unsealed."
Doopliss: "...Let's check on it." *He turns on the monitor, showing Grunty in a rather evil looking kitchen and trying to yank the lid off of the soup.*
Charles: "Yeah, I just remembered."
Yurie: "...Locos... remind me to slowly and painfully kill you..."
Charles smiles. "...Is it a date then?"
Doopliss: "As long as we get the soup, you can go back home."
Yurie: "..." *facefault.*
Charles: "...I take it that's a no." *frowns.*
Kazooie: "...Could you get started on finding those keys? It's a bit cramped... INSIDE THIS GLASS CUBE!"
Charles: "By the way, Dooply. What's Grunty offering that I'm not?"
Doopliss: "To enhance the soup so that it always works! And mass producing it."
Charles: "You were never entranced for power. Just finishing off Mario."
Doopliss: "...There may be unrelated symptoms of drowsiness, extra fingers, and dry mouth... oh... your tongue might fall out. But then you go to Madam Grunty's Product-Related Illness Clinic!"
Yurie: "Ugh... Doopliss... can you unlock the others for me?"
Doopliss: "Not even Grunty could unlock them! She hid the keys across the world! All 36 of them."
Yurie: "And you expect me to believe that." *Gets to her feet and crosses her arms.*
Doopliss: "Go and try to open those cells without keys, then. Wait... only Garrick would do that."
Charles: "As long as the precious is safe."
Doopliss: "...Well, either you'll have to get the best locksmith in the world, or find 36 keys."
Garrick pops out of a plot hole and smacks Doopliss upside the head, then disappears again.
Metal Man (GM): Grunty is currently messing with the soup. She fills a beaker through it and does many different things.
Charles: "Oh... crap. Umm... Doopliss, we better get going."
Grunty: "I've got the soup, that's all I need, just take the goop, I'm perfectly pleased!"
Doopliss: "I can take you to Grunty, but I'm not about to help you keep her from doing what I just mentioned."
Charles: "They've outdone us. We'll just have to report -wink- this to the Stadium."
Charles: "Trust me."
Doopliss: "Oh... well, you may go. We have all the supersoldiers we need!"
Doopliss: "Just take this key." *Hands key to Locos.*
Yurie shrugs, then pulls out her Dex and opens a portal.
Charles: "Uh... cubes are bombproof... aren't they?" *takes the key.*
Charles nods his head.
Doopliss: "That key will let you in here when you are wanted or allowed in... and it glows in the dark!"
Yurie: "Right..." *hops into the portal and goes *poof.*
Charles: "Hope you like gargoyles." *crosses into the threshold.*
Metal Man (GM): *WARP.* The Questers are at Quester HQ.
Yurie: "...okay Locos... what's going on."
Charles: "Hmm...? ...oh. Let's check the global radar."
Wolfman is in his office doing the usual bill paying... stupid exploding kitchen.
Yurie: "..." *sighs, walking into the big room.*
Charles: "Three... twoo... one... A tremor should be hitting here... right abouttttt... Now."
Wolfman takes a quick gander through his SIMBER eyes... okay, what is this about an earthquake... he leaves Locos to his strange ways, and goes back to bill paying.
Metal Man (GM): ...Earthquakes happening: 0. It's ever so quiet.
Metal Man walks in. "Hey Locos. What's up?"
Charles: "...I guess the fail-safe didn't work."
Metal Man: "And why is Yurie's hair shaped in a box around her head?"
Charles: "...I think that's a girl thing. What I don't understand is why it didn't happen."
Metal Man: "...I've never seen anyone, including the mayor of Simtown, wear their hair like that."
Yurie: "Might have something to do with the fact that I've been in a box for the past 30 minutes..." *shakes her head, causing her hair to poof back to its normal spikeyness.
Metal Man: "What didn't happen? Where? It seems like you guys went into another dimension."
Charles: "There was supposed to be an earthquake tremor to hit here."
Metal Man: "You do know that spells from other worlds don't work the same in different dimensions, do you?"
Charles: "That's what happens when you heat a gargoyle's (murmur) at extreme temperatures. No, it's common sense. Otherwise, why do you think I would've let them have it so easily? In the very least, they won't be able to pull it off... thank's to the very *special.* herb I put in."
Wolfman 'listens' in... what the? Locos actually did something RIGHT?!?
Metal Man: "You let them have that container of antifreeze? Because your soup was not what they stole. They stole an identical container full of antifreeze."
Charles: "...I thought it smelled... eccentric. Then what would... uh-oh."
Metal Man: "...So unless they want to poison themselves..."
Charles: "It's not just a tremor... It's a prolonged... MAJOR EARTHQUAKE."
Metal Man (GM): Just as Locos says that, the entire place shakes violently.
Wolfman: *in his office.* "...I should have known he was crazy." *goes to Big Room.* *starts stumbling.*
Charles is rocked into various places.
Yurie: "GAH!!" *stumbles around, but doesn't fall.*
Charles: "...Oh yeah... they're gonna feel that."
Wolfman_: "LOCOS, I'm really going to let you have it n--" *gets bonked by some of his books.* *still struggles to make it to the Big Room, while telling SIMBER...* "SIMBER, I suggest you safeguard everything possible... I'm not used to this type of earthquake!"
Wolfman really wants this earthquake to end... *gets conked out on the way to the Big Room by some big furniture.*
Metal Man (GM): The Earthquake is currently making a mess.
Metal Man: "What do you mean... how does antifreeze explode?"
Charles: "Wwwelll how wwwas I supposedddd to know that the heerrb could ignite maaannnny a thing?"
Metal Man: "Eh?"
Metal Man: "So the antifreeze exploded?"
Metal Man (GM): *WARP.*
Doopliss: "You won't be hearing the last of us! GIVE US THE SOUP!!!!" *Is burnt black and reeking of antifreeze.*
Charles: "Give me my equipment."
Doopliss: "ARRRRRRGH!" *Runs around knocking things over.*
Charles: "Would someone catch the bedsheet already!?"
Metal Man: "...Why is he doing that during an Earthquake?"
Doopliss: "Your... your equipment? Hand over... the soup... or Grunty will have both of our heads on platters!"
Yurie: "Both of your heads?"
Charles: "...it brings a tear to my eye..."
Doopliss: "Locos and mine, yes. I made a deal to get the soup, not some exploding antifreeze!"
Charles wipes it off. "I thought it was my soup as well."
Doopliss: "Okay... then just get the soup... while Grunty's got a bit burned, if you give me the real soup, we can forget the part about the entire tower being soaked in antifreeze."
Charles: "...This is the final act of denial and cruelty I can take. You are treated like crap and given false promises by her. Yet I treated you more fairly, took you in, and even gave you what you wanted. To destroy Mario. And now... you say you want to be with her... even though she treats you as a medicore underling, I treated you with respect.....I want nothing more with this world..."
Doopliss: "You don't realize it, but I'm robbing her blind."
Charles: "...The soup is in the my room... where I believe it is now. ...!?"
Doopliss: "She makes lots of money... so much that 2 trillion coins got out to me without being noticed. I'm no fool. I pretend to cower while stealing things." *Moves a bit... a huge pile of office supplies fall out from under his sheet.* "...Oops..."
Charles: "I am unsure of where your loyalties lie... and now I don't know what is the truth or is a lie... This place, and the tower where there's boos and piraes..." *pirates.
Doopliss: "Oh yeah, those guys. They're the ones who're helping me. They invisibly take things. Now then. If I get her some soup, I can get you money under the table. Capisce?"
Charles: "It can't be mass-produced by a machine... it's in the kitchen."
Doopliss: "Unless made dangerously or shoddily. There's no shortage of inferior ingredients. Plus... Grunty has magic. You ever wonder why even that stuff exploding didn't kill her?"
Charles: "True... but whose side do you belong then?"
Doopliss: "Heck, her original body was destroyed and rebuilt 3 times. Eventually she used... just give me the soup, and I'll stop pestering you. My own, of course. I take what I want, I serve who I choose, and if they turn on me, they die."
Charles: "No longer allied with me then, are you? If so, then I will show you."
Doopliss: "No, but no hard feelings either... I always keep her away. This was a compromise. Instead of taking over your tower and industry, I had her just demand a small sample of soup." *Pulls out a small vial.* "We've tried the hard way, the easy way, how about the normal way?"
Charles goes to the kitchen.
Doopliss: *Follows, looking wary and... beaten up.*
Charles points to the boiling cauldron.
Doopliss: "Can you guarantee that it won't explode, melt, or morph into snakes?"
Charles no longer has a restrain. He gives Doopliss a look that is dark enough to pierce through his heart. His breath... heightened. "..."
Doopliss: "...I'll take that as a yes." *Dips the vial into the cauldron.*
Charles leaves the kitchen and heads back to where the Questers are.
Doopliss: *Puts a cap on the vial and disappears.*
Charles represses his sadness. He goes to sit down. His face is now expression-free, yet if one could look closely... you may be able to see anger.