Super Smash Quest - Story - Chapter 292: Rand's House of Rage
Date: 7:45:09 PM, June 27th, 2006.
Charles Magellean: "...*Twitchy sound*."
Garrick Fy`aar: "It doesn't matter that someone has a stone that can CONTROL TIME!!"
SIMBER: "...This isn't your choice, Garrick, SOMEONE has to go out and see what The Void is up to. At least one person. He needs a warp home when he's done..."
Julian Sawyer: "SO GO CHECK IT OUT YO'SELF!"
Garrick Fy`aar: "Fine. I'll go."
Charles Magellean: "I PROMISED!" *Rampages to the elevator like a buffalo, knocking down Dragoshi in the process.*
"It was an accident!"
Digifanatic: "Okay. Last call for anybody going with Charles and Garrick?"
SIMBER: "...All to do with Northen Outpost, please get on the elevator."
Dragoshi: "...That was really uncalled for, regardless!"
*He gets up.*
Garrick Fy`aar: "Julian is a fool."
The Wraith just facepalms, shaking its head a bit...
Julian Sawyer: "Forget 'dem. We gonna need all we can get for fightin' Ganondorf."
Charles Magellean waits on ruins.
Digifanatic: "Okay."
Dragoshi: "...Of course."
Digifanatic: "Not a problem."
Garrick Fy`aar stands and goes for the ruins as well.
Digifanatic: "Just making sure everything's all figured out."
SIMBER: "...Warping Team 1: Ruined Outpost."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...idiots."
Editor's Note: Clearly, a team player! Wait... does this mean when he got really mad years later about Questers rushing in and killing people without asking questions, he'd forgotten this entire incident? Probably.
Metal Man (GM): You two float up and are warped... appearing at a long-locked sliding door.
It is half-buried in purple sand.
Charles Magellean takes out his partner's dex instinctively. He scans the area, only to remember the hard way: it's being scrambled. He puts it back.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...come on."
*He moves forward up to the door, looking it over to see if it's a manual open, or it has the same kind of electronics that Nova had...*
Charles Magellean nods, and goes to look around the door.
Metal Man (GM): Electronics beyond nova. Fried ones.
You could jerk it open.
Or dig it out.
Charles Magellean looks to Garrick, holding his arm over his eyes to act as a shield. He waits for an answer...
Garrick Fy`aar: "..."
*He shakes his head before making to jerk the door out of the way and open...*
Metal Man (GM): You open it up... revealing another wide-open entry hall.
Its been mostly scorched, ancient patterns melted off the walls. Streamer-like holograms rotate near the ceiling.
A terminal in the center powers up by itself.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...this is not my technology... this is not my time."
Charles Magellean stands back. Upon Garrick opening it up, he goes inside, opening the dex.
Garrick Fy`aar sighs gently before hoping down into the hallway and moving down into it, walking toward the terminal...
Charles Magellean: "Do we abort?"
Terminal: 'Welcome back. You appear rather short in number... a bad thing. Despite the help of an unknown being, we are in trouble.'
Garrick Fy`aar: "No... we've got to find the Void. ...or maybe... computer?"
Terminal: 'Rathos Lell is attempting to hack into the control sphere... literally.'
Charles Magellean: "...Solarian." *Hisses.*
Terminal: 'If he gains it, he will have control over Neo-Earthian weapons... which are more than enough to destroy this planet.'
Garrick Fy`aar crosses his fingers slightly, hoping this works...
Terminal: 'Even if they are 10,000 years old.'
Metal Man (GM): All you see is text on a console... it has two hand-shaped bumps on it.
Must be control things.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...please..."
Terminal: 'The history modules I've managed to see are all broken, too.'
Charles Magellean feels a bit eeried. There isn't this much silence on missions.
Garrick Fy`aar moves his armor away from his hands, the metal shifting so his bare hands are shown. He hesitates... then places them on the bumps.
Metal Man (GM): You continue to see the computer speaking via text on the screen.
Terminal: 'What sort of help do you need? Your memories match that of an ancient human.'
Charles Magellean swishes his mouth, moving to see from Garrick's side.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...computer, recognize new user. Code Name: Garrick Fy`aar. Organization: Philanthropy. Serial Number: 991-604-385..."
Terminal: '...That is something far older than I am. Approximately...' a box pops up, saying 'Calculating'
Charles Magellean opens the dex... mm-mm. Nothing comes to mind.
Garrick Fy`aar trembles... then yells out. His fist slams into the nearest wall, denting it slightly.
"DAMN!"
Terminal: '...18,000 years ago. Before the great destruction of the original Three Powers war and the years of desolation around that.'
Garrick Fy`aar: "Every time! EVERY time! It's always the Solarians, or the Martians, or the Neo-Earthians! Nothing from my world, nothing from my time!"
*He slumps to his knees, his forehead resting on the cold wall of the hallway...*
Editor's Note: And yet when I delivered on this years later, he was profoundly disinterested. I mean, not to make this a giant 'throw shade' or roast festival, but you really do have to wonder what would have happened if the Terminal instead said it was Solid Snake's personal computer and began rattling off stuff about the Patriots. Would it be anger about it not being specifically about him? Should every computer terminal be about him? ...You get the idea.
Charles Magellean: "There was more than one war..." *Adds this theory to the dex.*
Garrick Fy`aar: "...I'm outdated... no wonder I'm so weak... I'm a fool..."
Terminal: '...Excuse me if I am rude for this, but... I am from 10,000 years ago, and pretty much the only thing left. Something as old as your time was obliterated at least three times by now. First by the Three Powers war... then by the Neo-Earthian-Solarian war... then again by your version of it, the Kuja war.
Nova is the only remnant imaginable.'
Charles Magellean: "..."
Garrick Fy`aar: "..."
*He slowly gets back up to his feet, his armor closing over his hands once more... a helmet slides in over his face. He's nameless, now... just another warrior doing his job...
* "...let's find the Void and leave."
Terminal: 'As for that... that is a bit difficult.'
Charles Magellean: "Other than the portal of Atlantis, I suppose only the Time Stones----*Cuts his sentence short*."
Terminal: 'He has vanished somewhere near the middle of the building.'
The door ahead opens.
Charles Magellean: "We just need to find the shortest route, then the mission will be over with."
Terminal: '...This being the habitation building... step carefully.'
Garrick Fy`aar doesn't care... or at least, it looks like it. He moves straight ahead into the door, not a care of what happens.
Metal Man (GM): You walk ahead, and see a massive cryo-storage area.
Charles Magellean has seen this coldness before. He follows closely behind, and has the dex still out.
Metal Man (GM): Hundreds of people are frozen inside tubes.
Charles Magellean: "O_O !"
Garrick Fy`aar doesn't pay attention to any of them. His eyes glance to one almost gratefully before he keeps walking, looking for the next door...
Metal Man (GM): There's a massive computer in the center; a big pile of disabled tubes and dead corpses blocks the way ahead.
It, too, has the hand controls.
Garrick Fy`aar goes straight up to it, placing his hands on the controls. He knocks aside anything in his way...
Charles Magellean: "How do we pass now?"
Garrick Fy`aar works his techno mumbo jumbo and activates it...
Charles Magellean: "Got that bad mojo vibe going on again."
Metal Man (GM): None needed; it turns on automatically.
Terminal: 'This is the cryo area.
All who could come here piled in as the world was destroyed.
Through luck, or stupidity, this place survived.
...It is your choice whether or not to change the world's history.'
Garrick Fy`aar: "..."
Charles Magellean scratches beside his ear.
He opens his datebook and begins rearranging dates.
Terminal: 'The door, however, cannot be opened automatically. You'll need to clear it.'
Garrick Fy`aar: "... ...this isn't something I can do."
*He moves over to the door and starts clearing away rubble...*
Metal Man (GM): You clear it away, and find something interesting in the rubble.
A piece of paper clutched by a skeleton. 'The Last thoughts of Rand'
Charles Magellean: "Pitchfork... Shovel... bulldozer. What I wouldn't do for one to clear this."
Metal Man (GM): It says, simply...
Charles Magellean starts moving stuff as well.
The Last Thoughts of Rand: 'I am a worthless nothing without a cryo chamber, living in a destroyed world without water. Pity me as I die of starvation.'
Metal Man (GM): The door sits, half-open, jammed on his ankle.
Garrick Fy`aar finishes reading it. He crumbles it in his hand, tosses it aside, crushes his skull with his boot as he pulls the door open and moves inside.
Charles Magellean hears Garrick. He moves around, searching for where he went.
Metal Man (GM): You see movement in the pile at the door. He's cleared a way through it.
Charles Magellean goes through there.
Metal Man (GM): Garrick: You enter a third room, with Charles following.
It's a burnt up library half-full of sand. Which you wade through.
Up ahead... is a door completely buried. The sand came in from it.
Garrick Fy`aar just keeps moving. He looks at the door... then looks around for another exit...
Metal Man (GM): You can't see any... only old books.
And... another of Rand's notes.
'I read all of these books and became enraged at everyone for having something to say, but not me.'
Garrick Fy`aar: "...hm."
*He turns from the note and starts digging.*
Charles Magellean: "Dead-end?" *Searches as well.*
Metal Man (GM): You begin digging... digging... digging...
You get through to the other side.
A pile of broken stairs and debris leads to floor 2.
Garrick Fy`aar kicks aside the rest of the sand as he makes his way toward the stairs, jumping up and moving onward without a word.
Charles Magellean hears Garrick moving. Progress again. He follows.
Metal Man (GM): You hurry on up, to what appears to be the second floor of the cryo room.
The pods keep on going up... and up... and there's another computer.
The room seems safe; the door ahead even opens for you.
Garrick Fy`aar keeps moving...
Metal Man (GM): You move on through... and discover a weird room.
Charles Magellean is always attempting to keep up.
Metal Man (GM): The room is full of pictures... of various Neo-Earthian commanders.
Books are everywhere, a quarter of the room burnt to a crisp.
A bunch of wires lead from here into another room... but the door is strange, here.
Charles Magellean begins to pant, gasping for breath. "I'm--I'm not used to walking this fast."
Metal Man (GM): It's been slammed shut with such force both doors smashed and cracked.
They were then welded shut and covered partially with a metallic panel.
Garrick Fy`aar: "..."
Charles Magellean: "Oh for---" *Begins charging up an energy ball.*
Garrick Fy`aar walks up to the doors, checking them over for any weaknesses in the wielding... it must have been a hasty job...
Charles Magellean: "10,000 years should at least show some courtesy!" *He fires the new spell at the door.*
Metal Man (GM): The door cracks a little.
Then it crumbles.
It reveals a hastily constructed... lab?
It was formerly a cafeteria.
But now you see machines everywhere. Including a fearsome one in the middle.
Garrick Fy`aar glances back at Charles, showing nothing but a faceplate as he moves into the next room. He looks at the fearsome machine with a small amount of interest...
Metal Man (GM): A giant pillar-shaped dealie with room for one person to sit, hooked up to about eight other machines. It's burnt... from usage.
Charles Magellean begins to walk nearby Garrick. "You think by doing that I just caused this be delayed more?"
Metal Man (GM): A note sits on it.
'I resent all that lives within this realm. -Rand'
Garrick Fy`aar looks at the note... then steps back a single step
"...Mark, scan for this machine's purpose."
Mark: "...The machine appears to have the power to transmute beings from one reality to another. It appears to have broken on its first use..."
Charles Magellean: "Leave this room?"
Metal Man (GM): The door ahead looks totally obliterated.
Garrick Fy`aar: "..."
*He moves on.*
Charles Magellean moves onward, not wanting to take a second glance at the thing is. "Could that have been what sent Metal here?"
Metal Man (GM): You see a totally destroyed room, burnt black.
A single... holographic projector... remains.
A note is taped to it.
'Do not use this projector. -Rand'
Garrick Fy`aar: "...fine then, we won't. Mark, download the recording."
Charles Magellean looks for the next room.
Mark: "..."
Metal Man (GM): Garrick's armor starts freaking out, and then Mark speaks with a strange voice.
Mark: "I told you not to use this holographic projector... what do you think you are, Johnny Tremain?"
Garrick Fy`aar: "...eject."
Mark: "No, I'm going to talk to you. You touched it... now you're going to have to listen."
Metal Man (GM): A projection of a strange man with semi-long blonde hair, red robes, and a big scar across his left eye... and missing his left arm stands before you.
Charles Magellean: "...You used it. Can we move while you talk to us?"
Rand: "Move? MOVE? I haven't been able to move for years. Why should I let you?"
Garrick Fy`aar: "Shut up and say your piece already."
Charles Magellean: "Because you're able to now."
Rand: "This is my personality, which you so callously downloaded onto your primitive garbage computer."
Garrick Fy`aar: "I said SAY WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO SAY!!"
Rand: "Don't get testy with me. You're in my house now."
Garrick Fy`aar: "I'll do whatever the hell I please. Not get on with it!"
Charles Magellean: "His patience is limited, today. I've seen it before, so let's move on and TRY to avoid Rathos."
Rand: "The world hated me, and destroyed everything, and even refused me eternal sleep. I was nothing... I am nothing. You are nothings, too. I can see it. ...I destroyed the history crystal in this tower to prevent anyone from remembering those big-wigs... nameless generals who did what? Die! DIE! Worthless like me.
I think I can leave you alone, perhaps... I'm not good enough to annoy you."
Charles Magellean: "You are, but I digress."
Metal Man (GM): He vanishes, but not before slapping Garrick.
Mark: "...Normal operation resumed."
Metal Man (GM): The note's been updated.
'Garrick is not to use this either. Keep your filthy hands off my stuff. -Rand'
Garrick Fy`aar: "..."
*He trembles slightly...*
Metal Man (GM): You see a ladder of sorts, to the third floor.
Charles Magellean: "I've not seen that much egotism since we last faced Kuja."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...come on."
*He moves onward, going for the ladder and continuing up.*
Charles Magellean scoffs at Rand.
He climbs ladder as well.
Metal Man (GM): You climb up... and begin to realize the extent of Rand's... genius? Madness?
A dead Solarian lays next to a hole in the wall.
A note is stuck to his forehead.
Charles Magellean: "A Solarian lays dead before us. Applause, applause."
Metal Man (GM): 'I.O.U. one freakish Solarian arm-thing. -Rand'
Not only his arm thing, but his right arm is missing.
Charles Magellean: "He kinda reminds me of well... me at times."
Garrick Fy`aar moves up to the skeleton... he reaches down and picks up it's skull. He looks at it for a moment, then glances back to Charles... while glancing, he crunches the skull into dust before moving to the way onward.
Metal Man (GM): Also, he has a big smash in the back of his head. Appears someone hit him hard.
Ahem. The body is perfectly preserved.
Solarians are weird like that.
The skull is too tough to crunch. Also weird like that.
Which means he had to have had some massive force to steal its arm.
Charles Magellean cringes. He just casually walks on...
Garrick Fy`aar will throw it aside and move on...
Metal Man (GM): You casually move on to a crashed Solarian fighter ship.
Huh, this looks expensive.
Garrick Fy`aar: "..."
Charles Magellean takes out Garrick's dex and begins to download the schematics of this.
Metal Man (GM): It's full of dead looking green rods and missing stuff.
Notes are all over it.
Charles Magellean: "This may be useful in the future..."
Metal Man (GM): 'I.O.U. one moon-destroying magitek bomb. -Rand' 'I.O.U. one time-shifting machine. -Rand' 'I.O.U. one burial. -Rand'
It's been stripped clean.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...damn."
*He keeps moving...*
Charles Magellean gets shills down his spine.
"Efficient, yet brutal." *Moves on again.*
Metal Man (GM): The schematic is downloaded... you are amazed at the complexity.
Once again, only a careful person could steal that much without breaking it.
You walk on into another room. This one's creepier.
Charles Magellean: "I believe Metal would like that."
Metal Man (GM): There's dead Solarians all set up at a ruined bar, all as if they were actually sitting there.
Including some drinks. Long-evaporated drinks.
There's a note hanging on the fridge. 'Don't mind them, I found a whole bunch of them upstairs. -Rand'
Charles Magellean downloads the schematics of various Solarians and their technology.
"Must recognize the enemy before moving on."
Metal Man (GM): You would, once again, notice the complexity, and realize the fake ones must have been absolute idiots.
As none of them could match these dead guys.
Garrick Fy`aar keeps moving, his mood getting worse by the second...
Metal Man (GM): And... onto the third room.
Charles Magellean moves on.
Metal Man (GM): Very, very bored people here, as you notice a pile of books forming a pyramid. A pyramid... or two of them, actually. It balancing on the tip of the bottom one.
The library is entirely empty, filled with thousands of IOUs from Rand related to the books.
All of them said 'I.O.U. (Insert book name) read and put into a pyramid. -Rand'
Charles Magellean: "...Moving on..." *Moves on.*
Garrick Fy`aar isn't even reading them anymore, he just kept going...
Metal Man (GM): You reach the stairs... again. This place is HUGE.
Charles Magellean: "This is a helluva lot more efficient than having four-six Questers here."
Metal Man (GM): Up them you find floor...4?
A crashed troop ship, with a bunch of holes in it. Dead Solarians everywhere.
Charles Magellean: "Are we done?"
Metal Man (GM): A sticky note in the middle of the carnage.
Charles Magellean sees not, and downloads more schematics that the previous ones could be missing.
Metal Man (GM): 'I.O.U. 1000 alive Solarians. -Rand'
Next to it all you find a weird looking gun.
Which has a note on it.
Garrick Fy`aar stops...
Metal Man (GM): 'Do not fire if you do not want to utterly obliterate everything it points at. -Rand'
Charles Magellean: "..." *Looks at it, picks it up, and dexes it for more schematics.*
Metal Man (GM): The gun is too complex to even begin to dex.
Charles Magellean: "Yees, yee---HUH? It's can't be dexed!?"
Metal Man (GM): It appears to be made up of two things: woven Nanotechnology and something that doesn't appear to exist on this plane.
Charles Magellean: "...Oh this... is... A FIND."
*He puts his dex away.
He picks it up with both hands.*
Metal Man (GM): It's heavy. But you can almost feel the power.
Charles Magellean: "Oooookay... where are we gonna find a plastic baggie big enough to put this in?"
Editor's Note: Heh. Heheheh. Hahahaha. Good one.
Garrick Fy`aar: "... ...I can hook it to my armor to carry."
Charles Magellean: "Right, right. The mission. Forgot. Oh, you have something? Well here it is." *Hands it, albeit a bit difficult to carry.*
Metal Man (GM): You see something you'd probably want to obliterate blocking the way.
A giant pile of broken girders.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...okay then..."
Charles Magellean hands Garrick the gun... this technology... he scans it again...
Garrick Fy`aar hefts the weapon, moving over to the pile of girders and points it at it...
Metal Man (GM): The gun remains beyond even corporeal scanning.
Charles Magellean: "Wait... one moment... I wanna check something..."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...Mark, can you get anything?"
Metal Man (GM): It's got an old-fashioned trigger.
Charles Magellean begins reading the scanning again...
Mark: "It's partially in another plane... something like that should be technically impossible."
Garrick Fy`aar: "Yet... alright, back up Charles."
Charles Magellean: "...I remember this technology."
Garrick Fy`aar: "Tell me about it later."
Charles Magellean: "...This is the same technology that Kuja tried to use!"
*He takes steps back, clutching his heart.*
Garrick Fy`aar: "...then it'll be useful."
Charles Magellean: "The technology... of the Ascended ones. How did it get here!?!?"
Garrick Fy`aar: "...then it'll be dead useful. Now step back."
Charles Magellean has trouble breathing...
He steps back more...
Garrick Fy`aar shakes his head, then points, braces, and fires.
Metal Man (GM): You see it power up, then an increasing beam...
Then silence...
Then the girders vanish from existence.
Charles Magellean: "!!!!"
Metal Man (GM): The door behind it is full of holes from your shot. It explodes.
Then you see the door ahead... explode...
And then the wall past that...
And then it sorta flies out of the tower and towards outer space.
Charles Magellean: "When I saw the gibberish a second time, I recognized it as the technology of the ...nexus of the multi-verses."
Metal Man (GM): You then hear it hit the wall... behind you...
Garrick Fy`aar: "...it's good. I'll keep it."
Metal Man (GM): ...Better duck.
Garrick Fy`aar ducks down...
Charles Magellean ducks...
Metal Man (GM): The beam flies over your heads to where it originated and vanishes.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...hm. ...yes, I'll keep it."
Metal Man (GM): It cleared the way ahead, for sure.
Garrick Fy`aar throws it over his shoulder, hooking it into the weapon hooks for the sword and axe.
Charles Magellean: "...Garrick, this weapon can only be known to few people. I've seen the power of the Ascended ones at first hand... and believe me, their power comes with a counter-effect."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...and what's that? Death? Destruction? Darkness? Chaos? What's the big deal? If I go bad, we can always have the Questers kill me..."
Editor's Note: Huh... this mission literally is telling me what Garrick intended years later, while also forecasting several other things from the future. Weird.
Metal Man (GM): The room ahead is another cryo-one... this one of old generals.
Garrick Fy`aar: "Heaven knows they'd love to do it."
*He turns away and marches on.*
Charles Magellean marches on as well.
Metal Man (GM): You see a note on the control panel.
'Activate this to release all of the old fogies. Seriously not suggested. -Rand'
Garrick Fy`aar slows to a halt...
Charles Magellean: "Kuja used their technology... but the non-corporeal with the generic being known as 'The Businessman.' He said that Kuja tried to use their technology, but ultimately failed."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...no."
*He moves onward.*
Charles Magellean looks at the note. "Yeah, agreed." moves on.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...Kuja was a fool he thought he was a god."
Metal Man (GM): You reach a third room... hmmm about half-way.
You see... more cryo chambers, and a stairway to heaven. I mean the 5th floor.
Garrick Fy`aar marches up the stairway...
"...Mark, can you get a reading on The Void?"
Charles Magellean: "The saying 'Every action has an equal, but opposite reaction' applies here. He erased everything that Kuja did to my homeworld, as well as reviving the three killed by him, but the amount of energy required to do it caused The Moon to rip through several dimensions. It orbits Nintendus now. I merely ask, that due to those unknown opposite reactions, that you conserve using that buffed thing."
Metal Man (GM): You see... not so much The Void, but Rand, holding a time Stone, standing atop an even more complex machine.
Garrick Fy`aar: "I have a way in mind to keep it from being too much."
Rand: "What took you so long to get here? Sheesh."
Charles Magellean: "Just promise me."
*He looks up... uhhhh....
* "...Where are we?"
Rand: "...In the middle of the tower. Where else, the second moon?"
Metal Man (GM): You can, indeed, see him.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...what did you do with Metal?"
Charles Magellean: "Is that a stone that a guy in black came here with, or is that yours?"
Rand: "What did I do with one of those generals I hate, loathe, and drew mustaches on? He was that jerk who escaped the catastrophe in the first place."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...you. ...you're the Solarian that cornered Metal in that cave."
Rand: "...What? I hate them too. I killed them with that gun you stoleded. Gimme that back. Or I'll turn your head into a chia pet!"
Charles Magellean: "What would you do with it?"
Rand: "Being such a nothing like you are... you'll probably try to shoot me with it. Oh, nothing. It's just that if you fire it to much, you die.
Something about the time-space continuum beginning to rip where you stand."
Garrick Fy`aar: "..."
Charles Magellean: "The unknown opposite reaction. There's the x-factor I was wondering about."
Garrick Fy`aar slowly looks to the ground... then slowly looks back up.
Rand: "In fact, I should be dead, and I died at least three times... but it apparently also has me alive simultaneously. Why do I have this rock, anyway? It's a rich man's toy."
Metal Man (GM): Rand hurls it on the ground. It bounces and lands at Garrick's feet.
Garrick Fy`aar: "..."
Rand: "Hmmm... you remind me of John Cage."
Charles Magellean: "..." *Complaining* Why did you give it to us?"
" *He moans.*
Garrick Fy`aar slowly leans down and picks it up... he turns to Charles and hands it to him, then hands him that huge weapon.
"...SIMBER, come in."
Charles Magellean takes both reluctantly.
Rand: "Give it to you? I just left it there after reality exploded."
Charles Magellean: "*Sarcastically* Oh great, now I have the time stone AND the weapon of un-corporeality. Now Ivo's gonna be comin' here any moment."
Rand: *Mimics SIMBER by pinching his noise* "I am a loser computer Garrick uses for help. Danger, danger. Garrick is unable to think for himself."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...SIMBER. Come in."
Metal Man (GM): You try to use the dex, but the magnetic interference gets in the way.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...hmpf. ...Charles, do me a favor."
Rand: "If I could escape or talk to anyone, I'd have done it almost as much as I did die."
Charles Magellean listens and looks to Garrick.
Rand: "In fact... you've died a thousand times just talking to me. I see your futures." *Makes a spooky voice at Charles* "You will... own a gas station! WooOOOoooOOO!!!"
Garrick Fy`aar: "Leave. Get back down to the entrance and leave."
Charles Magellean: .oO(Should've known I have to do the back-breaking work.)
Rand: *Pinches nose again, imitating SIMBER* "I am SIMBER. I command you not to leave. Please buy some extra-salty potato chips."
Garrick Fy`aar: "Charles... GO."
Charles Magellean mutters gibberish and turns around. He walks a bit sluggishly, the weapon on his back.
Garrick Fy`aar turns back around and faces Rand...
Charles Magellean: "If Robotnik comes, you're saving my -CENSORED-." *He leaves.*
Garrick Fy`aar: "...where is Metal."
Rand: "Right here." *Takes out a hunk of metal* "That's a piece of metal, right?"
Garrick Fy`aar: "...fine then. If you won't tell me, then I'll beat it out of you."
Rand: "I use him to make all my tactical decisions."
*Makes radio static nose* "Metal. I need help. I'm under attack by a caveman." *Pinches nose, imitating what he thinks Metal speaks like* "Go for him with a coincidentally powerful charge to the inner shin!" *Unpinches nose* "Roger.
Okay, I will fight you. If I win, I require one of your fingernails."
Metal Man (GM): BATTLE
Garrick vs. Rand
Order: Garrick, Rand, Hunk of Metal Rand talks to
Rand: "Hit me, hit me, hit me one more time time tiiimmmmeeee!"
Charles Magellean: "Could've had Julian do this... he doesn't lack the upper strength I do. Could've had someone else do it with their telekinesis. Could've had The Void warp gravity so it's lighter..."
Garrick Fy`aar can't take this anymore. He can't take everything that's been happening to him, all the wrong doings, all the problems. All the CRAP he's dealt with and not found or discovered. Metal, Aetos, Julian... they've all driven him to the breaking point. And Rand is who he'll take it out on. He charges in with a flurry of blows. A quad of Jabs, a Heel Drop, and a Spinning kick.
Metal Man (GM): You kick and violently beat him around. He makes a wimpy attempt to block your blows.
Rand: "Ow. Ow. You know, this is painful, like talking to you."
Charles Magellean climbs down the stairs to the fourth floor. "No, I'm stuck with the weapon of oblivion that's 1/5 a story tall and 200 pounds heavy. I could just collapse on the stairs, and fail to tumble successfully because this would land on my back. What I wanna know is why Garrick wanted to stay behind."
Rand: "Now... to... harm you."
Metal Man (GM): He runs up to Garrick's face, and then glows like he's gonna do something strong.
At the last moment, he cancels it and tries to give Garrick a wet willy in the ear.
Garrick Fy`aar easily knocks his hand away.
Metal Man (GM): Rand holds his hand, blowing on it.
Rand: "Ow..."
Metal Man (GM): Hunk of Metal Rand talks to
Charles Magellean frustratingly kicks around dead solarians just to make a path and don't have to trip. "I don't like Solarians. Dead or alive, they're ALWAYS a nuisance... except Sardis. He was the only cool one."
Rand: *Making a weird face, pinching his nose* "I will destroy you, worthless Solarians. Eat bullets."
*He begins making 'Pew!' 'PEW!' 'PEW!' noises.*
Metal Man (GM): Nothing happens for a few moments.
Garrick Fy`aar: "..."
Metal Man (GM): Then, outta nowhere, an entire storm of bullets flies at Garrick.
11 damage per hit, ignores 1/4 of DR.
Garrick Fy`aar gets nailed with six of those, diving out of the way of the rest...
Charles Magellean makes it past the pyramid of books. "Why did he have to go and die? Sure, he was a bit crazy... but the people of the Neo-Earthian age had to be insane in order to survive. No ordinary citizens, I guess. Metal's a prime example. I bet activating all these people would cause pandemonium, rubber chickens and all."
Garrick Fy`aar stands back up, smirking under his helmet as he's barely touched at all. He takes the time to get in a Quick Scan...
Metal Man (GM): Your head asplode.
I should say, your helmet simultaneously explodes. Ow.
50 damage.
Rand: "I am a little squirrel!!!" *Does a jig.*
Editor's Note: Seriously? No wonder Garrick went insane from this nonsense.
Metal Man (GM): You begin to wonder if all Neo-Earthians are insane.
Charles Magellean makes it past the third floor cryo room (was there one?). "Why couldn't the Neo-Earthians develop lighter technology? Hell, Ivo has lighter equipment than this. An IRON KNUCKLE wouldn't weigh as much as this."
Garrick Fy`aar lets out a yell as it blows up, his hair is singed and his face is red... but he's none worse the wear... he snarls and leaps forward for a Heel Drop and a Uppercut.
Metal Man (GM): He gets hit some more.
Both times.
You kick him around with each.
Rand: "Oh me oh my. The pain!"
Metal Man (GM): You appear to have wounded him quite a bit.
Your turn finished?
Charles Magellean: "An Iron Knuckle. I could use one of them to handle this. Course, all of them were wiped out cause Ganondorf used them all to do his bidding. The guy makes me so mad... I TRIED to make peace with him... but he frickin stabs me with all four swords! I never did anything to him besides try to free him from the Heartless!"
Metal Man (GM): He pulls out another one of those infinite-destroying guns.
Rand: "Hmmm... what should I do... instant victory... or... ice cream."
Charles Magellean continues moaning and groaning and stops at the second floor ladder to the third floor. "...You gotta be kidding me." He just kinda drops it to the floor of the second floor.
Rand: "...I always liked ice cream better."
Metal Man (GM): He gives Garrick the gun.
Then he magically takes out ice cream and begins eating it.
You manage to resist the urge to also eat ice cream.
Hunk of Metal Rand talks to
Charles Magellean climbs down the ladder and picks up the gun again. He continues the moaning. "It's a wonder how I put up with this junk for THIS long. How could the other Questers stand being themselves the entire time? It's malarkey, that's what!"
Rand: *Nasal voice* "I shall save the world by blowing up a giant portion of it!"
Metal Man (GM): Once again, a pause. He seems insane...
Garrick Fy`aar scowls. He knows his next target...
Metal Man (GM): Then a bomb appears strapped to your ankle, and explodes. AGI check.
You sorta trip and catch on fire, taking 100 fire damage.
Garrick Fy`aar growls at the damage, shruging off some of it before he walks right up to Rand... then puts his foot through that blasted piece of metal.
Rand: "You smell like the last pizza I attempted to cook."
Metal Man (GM): The hunk of Metal dodges.
I should say, Rand moves his hand around and it avoids your foot.
You found the tough target... but can you hit it?
Garrick Fy`aar snarls and unloads a series of hits on it...
Metal Man (GM): You hit it.
It absorbs it with its DR.
The bullet bounces off of the... chunk of metal.
Charles Magellean goes down the steps of the first floor, avoiding the gaps of the stairs. "NOOOOO! We gotta fight all kinds of bad guys, good guys, neutral guys, and the weirdos of the world, but where were the Smashers? They were relaxing back at the Stadium... fighting at leisure!"
Rand: "I wonder who's crazier. The man eating ice cream, or the man shooting at inanimate objects."
Garrick Fy`aar snarls and brings his hands up to punch him, Rand, twice more.
Metal Man (GM): *SMACK* *SMACK* He's like hitting a crash test dummy.
He stands up, having eaten the ice cream.
Rand: "Hmmm... what can I do... I'm losing this battle."
Metal Man (GM): He runs up and attempts to steal one of Garrick's shoes.
Rand: "I know it! All your power is from your shoe of amazing power! If I steal it, I can be powerful like you!"
Charles Magellean: "Targets have become more weirder day after day in this new world of Nintendus. Holographs, holograms, holophones... it never ends. Next thing I suppose one of the cyro patients of this floor will randomly open their own hatches and scream 'I WANT A PARTY!' in a zombie form.'"
Editor's Note: I am sad I didn't have the guts to do that.
Metal Man (GM): Hunk of Metal Rand talks to's turn
Rand: *Nasal voice* "Let's finish off the Solarians. They killed my buddies. I've been here longer than all of you. That makes me better than you."
Charles Magellean: "Well I want a party, too. Where's MY celebration for being alive so long? Where's the celebration for the Questers?...Oh FINALLY. The exit."
Metal Man (GM): You hear... someone playing Taps.
Then you see... 21 nailguns stuck to a platform.
They open fire at you.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...now you're stealing my old attacks."
Charles Magellean sits nearby the entrance, his back to the wall. He sits the gun down, re-posturing himself so he doesn't have a bad back. He waits now.
Metal Man (GM): 5 armor piercing damage per hit.
They're nasty buggers.
Rand: *Nasal voice* "You stole my legs, evil Solarians. Does it matter if I use your technology to kill you?"
Garrick Fy`aar growls as he's riddled with nails. He lets out a echoing roar as he brings his fist back and sends it flying into him.
Rand: *Nasal Voice* "This... is to commemorate all 99 dead fogies you killed."
Metal Man (GM): You smack him back. He flies on backwards into the wall.
Rand: "Not fair. Metal will just have to finish you---" *Drops the hunk of Metal* "Bah! I guess he teleported to another realm. Just like the real one!
Well... you've won... maybe I'll tell you the truth... or maybe... you will have to go to the physical challenge."
Garrick Fy`aar: "God, SHUT UP! SHUT YOUR DAMN TRAP!!"
Rand: "Oh. Thanks for reminding me of my trap."
Garrick Fy`aar grabs him by the scruff of his neck and pulls him up
"I'm tired of all these blasted fool and their stupid ways of thinking!"
Metal Man (GM): He presses a red button and a coffee pot lands atop Garrick's head. It's empty, and sort of like a helmet. It does nothing but look silly.
Garrick Fy`aar: "I'm tired of getting tricked and jacked on by every single person I see!"
Rand: "...Okay, okay. I'll talk to you without any foolishness. I know the answer to all your problems."
Garrick Fy`aar snarls and drops him...
"If you say something about sea snails or bouncy balls, I swear to the allmighty god, I'll kill you."
Rand: "...If you listened to me..." *He stands up, pointing at not one, but three corpses wearing red robes* "I've tried to die and failed. I just played with you to let off steam... 10,000 years surrounded by people who actually avoided being trapped out here..."
Garrick Fy`aar: "Doesn't stop me from trying. Now spill already."
Rand: "Mocking... existing... leaving peanut butter and jelly out for me... okay. All you need to do... Is use my machine to escape this worthless land."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...seems to me that you used it and failed."
Rand: "It... sorta worked, except I didn't have your knowhow of Magitek."
Metal Man (GM): Rand pulls out glowing, REAL magitek cores.
Garrick Fy`aar: "..."
Rand: "I tried to make lava lamps with them and failed. I tried to cook chef boyardi's pasta with them and failed."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...so you're telling me... that if I use that chair machine down there... with these cores... I'll find what I'm looking for?"
Rand: "I chucked them at space ships. And failed. ...Yes."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...how can I trust you? For all I know you're an Ivo Robotnik robot in disguise..."
Rand: "...You have the destruction-o-matic in your hands! You could keep me at bay for a thousand years with that.
Or a thousand beers."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...what is it's condition?"
Rand: "Yeah. A thousand beers. Let's go drink with the Solaria---you need to fix the circuit boards. With... your magical technological knowledge."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...fine."
*He takes the cores from him...*
Rand: "Then you plug them in and get whatever you want. I tried it... and it merely gave me a ticket to a Phish concert. Then broke. How I loathe rock and roll..." *Shakes his fist.*
Garrick Fy`aar: "...I hope this works..."
Metal Man (GM): You can wander on downstairs. Meanwhile, Rand draws on the wall with some chalk on the floor.
Rand: "If I can't die from damage... maybe I can make paintings real!" *He paints a box of tombstone pizza on the wall, then leaps into it, doing nothing but hitting the wall* "Ow..."
Garrick Fy`aar does so. He starts to work on the machine immediately, using his tools and whatever power Mark still has to get the thing working again...
Metal Man (GM): It's easy to fix.
You soon have it up again.
Garrick Fy`aar sighs as he pushes the final board into place.
"...there."
Metal Man (GM): All you need to do... is sit in it and press the button.
Garrick Fy`aar stares at it for a moment.
"...Mark."
Mark: "Even in one piece, this machine doesn't seem to make sense."
Garrick Fy`aar: "Nothing does anymore..."
Mark: "It looks more functional, though... you fixed a flaw in it."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...you're my only companion now, Mark."
Editor's Note: Damn. Should have had Mark try to talk Garrick out of his insanity in the future. Missed opportunity.
Charles Magellean is down on the first floor, beginning to sound like multiple men singing...
Mark: "...I lack anything more than automated response capabilities. It may be lonely."
Metal Man (GM): You can press da' button, or you can press the other button which says 'Press in case of Pizza emergency'
Garrick Fy`aar: "...it always is, Mark. But at least you're a friend... now I wish I firmly installed that AI chip... well... here goes nothing."
*He sits down... sighs once... then presses the button.*
Perfect replica of Rockapella: "Well she sneaks around the world from Kiev to Carolina, she's a sticky-fingered filcher from Berlin down to Belize..."
Metal Man (GM): You suddenly vanish from the plane you were just on.
You appear... in a weird, sparkly white realm.
Perfect replica of Rockapella: "...She'll take you for a ride on a slow boat to China, tell me 'Where in the world is...' *One guy bass* Carmen Sandiego?"
Metal Man (GM): A man in a business suit stares at you.
Garrick Fy`aar stares back.
The Businessman: "...It appears my insane Neo-Earthian associate has brought you here for a deal."
Charles Magellean begins singing the whole song sounding like all four people.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...The Businessman."
The Businessman: "He bargained for infinite life... his machine never broke. What will you ask for?"
Garrick Fy`aar: "...that depends. ...what is the price?"
The Businessman: "...The opposite reaction of whatever you want. Say I revive someone... something else will die.
Make you immortal... it might be a forever of insanity."
Charles Magellean's words echo. He was speaking the truth.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...tell me what I'm searching for."
The Businessman: "Well, that's free of charge. You want a place in the world... for everyone to see you as important.
I know how to make you important... I know how to give you a place. I can get you anything, anywhere, anytime.
Or you can turn back and pretend I'm as imaginary as Rand's sanity."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...but you won't tell me."
Metal Man (GM): He stands there. The rest of this realm almost hurts your eyes, it's so bright.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...what's the bargain?"
The Businessman: "If you must talk that way..." *He sighs* "Infinite importance just in exchange for your actions being adjusted to make you important. It's a fair deal, though not without its pitfalls...
Or... perhaps... something else? Maybe... your father?"
Garrick Fy`aar trembles...
"...is he alive?"
The Businessman: "In the past, yes. He hasn't died in your time, and hasn't been sent to the one you just left either. The explosion was a freak of nature. That's why you find nothing... he's back with all the stuff important to you... safe from Solarians, Rand, and The Void.
I could bring it all here... like Neo-Earth's past.
Gangsters, soldiers, whatever makes you feel whole.
I am a very busy person. If you could politely ask what you want, I will give it to you."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...no. ...I don't want to bring my time here... this place is screwed up enough already."
The Businessman: "Then... do you understand why it isn't there? By not being there... it is safe, and it is contained. Bring it here and your stuff would survive... but be corrupted, almost like how The Void tore apart so many universes and sent them here.
So... power? Weapons? Insanity? It's all possible."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...no. ...I'm weak... but only for my own reasons...'"
The Businessman: *Looks at his watch* "...Oh? Well, if you don't need my help, there's no harm in just leaving. The way out is just behind you."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...could... you answer me something, first?"
The Businessman: "What about?"
Garrick Fy`aar: "...you weren't here to give me anything. You were only here for me to see the truth, weren't you? You would have given me those things... ...but the goal was for me to see that I didn't need them."
The Businessman: "...I am here to give things that are wanted. I had no idea you didn't need them. And now that I have done that, I have done something, although small, for the amount of magitek you burnt. The last magitek ever to be seen in your realm, to be exact."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...who are you?"
The Businessman: "The Businessman. My real name is unpronounceable by corporeal beings."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...heh. ...fine. I'll rejoin the Questers.
...but so help me god, if Metal pisses me off again, I'm going to pound him into next week."
Editor's Note: Well, he did go to make good on his promise, but then realized the folly.
The Businessman: *Shrug* "None of my business."
Garrick Fy`aar: "Julian too. ...and Aetos."
The Businessman: "The portal behind you would probably serve you well."
Metal Man (GM): It is... of the way home, of course. Back to the machine.
Garrick Fy`aar turns around and makes for it... he stops and looks back... then snorts and shakes his head and walks through it.
Metal Man (GM): You reappear at the now busted machine. Rand's still there.
Garrick Fy`aar: "..."
Rand: "Mmmm... come to join me for an eternal game of Uno? My wild fours aren't rigged, don't fear."
Metal Man (GM): You see a WD4 stuck to his forehead.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...nah. I found what I was looking for."
Rand: "Okay. Uhhhh..."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...tell me something. How many times can I use that gun before it kills me?"
Rand: "Some fat man came and demanded a time stone. The hunk of Metal kinda-sorta set him on fire and then collided his machine with a meteor. He said something about coming back, so I gave him a note that said he wasn't welcome."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...Ivo. Heh. I'd tell you to run, but you can't die, so I suppose it doesn't matter. Now, please, answer my question."
Rand: "The gun? Well, you should be dead already. I think it was a fluke. Use it again and you might wind up like me..."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...then I'll do some studies on it."
Rand: "..." *He gets sorta serious, which means this must REALLY be important.*
"Just don't try to use Astral technology on this plane."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...hey, you sounded normal there for a second."
Rand: "You can have the energy accelerating stuff, but where the energy comes from is too volatile to be used without self-death. Eh. Normal mode isn't hard enough. Back to Omnideath difficulty!"
Metal Man (GM): He becomes taller... buffer... and acquires a racing stripe down his forehead.
Rand: "Now I can defeat those people who keep on inputting cheat codes... God mode is no match for the ray of Newfoundland!"
Metal Man (GM): He fires a strange ray made out of fish at a wall.
Rand: "Oh. Uhh... and someone else was here, too."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...right. Just... beware of egg shaped robots."
Rand: "The Void came here and gave me that Time Stone... said something about you."
Garrick Fy`aar: "And that was?"
Rand: "Something about letting you meet the businessman. I tried to tickle him, but then he dropped a bag of donuts on my head."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...damn Void..."
Rand: "He also hooked me up with this computer thing from far away. I learned something new and amazing from it. VOLUME CONTROL ACTIVATED! AHHHHHHH!!!!!!"
Garrick Fy`aar: "... ...I'm leaving now."
Rand: "I'm sure you miss the people you complain to astral businessmen about, though... so... yeah."
Garrick Fy`aar pats Rand on the shoulder, then heads out. After a short while, he happens upon Charles...
Metal Man (GM): He sort of waves. Then you see him play ping-pong against himself with a wall.
Meanwhile... uhh... whatever Charles is doing right now, I'm sure.
Which Garrick would walk in on.
Garrick Fy`aar: "...you do a pretty good Foghorn, Charles. I didn't know Warner Brothers played on the moon..."
Metal Man (GM): Also...
MISSION ACCOMPLISHED -- 20,000 coins
Charles Magellean looks to Garrick... he says meekly..."...Hi."
Metal Man (GM): Charles gains 1000 EXP for his... running.
Charles Magellean clears his throat. "I was just doing the re-enactment of a Foghorn Leghorn short film."
Garrick Fy`aar: "I see... ...well, we best get out of here. Now. Ivo is coming..."
Charles Magellean: "It had to do with... beets."
*He shrugs.*
Garrick Fy`aar: "Let's get this gun and the time stone back to the HQ, then meet up with Julian to fight Ganondorf. I'm sure Julian and the others could use the help."
*He asks Metal.*
Charles Magellean: "Did you find another one of these, by chance?
I'm asking now so I know that another one of these isn't in the hands of Gibby, Aetos, Julian, or the worst of all three of them. Gumbo."
Garrick Fy`aar: "...heh. Let's just take them and get out of here before something nasty shows up."
Charles Magellean lifts the thing on his back again, him groaning again. "Now did you see another one of these or not? I'm not wanting to know that it's in the hands of a misfit. ...Like Metal during one of his off days."
Garrick Fy`aar: "Indeed."
Charles Magellean: "...You did?"
Metal Man (GM): You see... a portal home.
Charles Magellean: "Well where is it?"
Garrick Fy`aar points to his back...
Charles Magellean: "...Good. I'm not fetching another one."
Garrick Fy`aar: "Heh... c'mon."
Charles Magellean: "Not unless I had anti-grav boots or ski boots."
Garrick Fy`aar walks into the portal...
Charles Magellean goes into the portal while dexing the gun at the same time.
He likes closure.
Metal Man (GM): What Charles said
Charles Magellean goes through the portal back to HQ. Not expecting this, he closes the dex and DRAAAGS the bastard gun on the carpets.
Metal Man (GM): 10 CARPET DAMAGE
Charles Magellean: "Okay, you put that wherever your lab is, and make sure prying eyes do not lay their hands on them."
*He lifts it on his back again.*
Metal Man: *Walks by* "Oh God. Not the Carpet! Anything but the carpet!
I paid a thousand coins for that!"
Charles Magellean: "Me? I'll be hiding mine from... well... you, Garrick."
Metal Man stares at the rip. "Maybe I can shave Aetos's hair, dye it, and paste it here!"
Charles Magellean goes to his room, complaining like he did on the way down.
Metal Man gets out some scissors and begins wandering around.
"Hmmm... Aetos's hair is too much like... hair... maybe... Wolfman."
Charles Magellean is finally in his room. He puts the gun of reality shattering behind a secret wall. Prying eyes that not even ghosts can see.
Garrick Fy`aar sighs and goes to store it in whatever safe the place has...
Charles Magellean then stretches out his back. He walks to the Holo Rooms, silently... waiting.