Super Smash Quest - Story - Chapter 329: A Leisurely Walk Through Hell
Date: 8:21:31 PM, September 25th; 5:19:29 PM, September 25th, 2006.
Metal Man (GM): El Lugar Misterioso
Julian appears in a location he's never seen before; it's inside some sort of Roman city.
It looks normal, until he looks up; the sky is on fire. Hmmm. That's bad.
It's relatively hot down here, too, but not what it'd seem to be. It's 80 degrees hot, not 120 degrees hot. And no humidity.
Mazelike paths lead in all directions without any signs or real way to navigate; three of them to start with.
Julian Sawyer's still got his hands up in a futile effort to block the once-incoming fire of death... but then he looks "...Is this Hell? 'Cause it ain't really that bad..."
*Looks up* "...'Cept for the fire in the sky. Weather's all right..." *Looks at the paths* "When in Rome..." *Julian heads towards the most-rightward path.*
Metal Man (GM): As you say that, you suddenly see a strange man wearing a tricornered hat walk up to you out of thin air. He speaks with a swoon.
???: "Ooooh yeees... this ain't there... it be the infernal realm... where evil chooses to live!"
Metal Man (GM): He hiccups, and then takes out a pocketwatch. It's continually moving backwards.
Julian Sawyer: "...Do I know you?"
???: "Maybe, maybe not; depends upon which dimension you came from. You don't belong here, but since the betrayer sent ye here and paid us much, we won't help you."
Metal Man (GM): He laughs a stereotypical pirate laugh and drinks a flagon of what appears to be burning beer.
Julian Sawyer: "K... Hey, wait, Four's the 'Great Betrayer' everyone been talkin' about?"
Metal Man (GM): Upon closer inspection it's acidic and eats the paving stones it spills onto.
???: "What? Who let 'ee know that? Ahhh... no matter. You're doomed anyway."
Julian Sawyer: *Carefully steps out of the range of the acidic beer.*
???: "We've been hoping you'd stay dumb to that while we add yer pretty realm to ours. We're running outta space, and good ol' 4 says if we lend him our powers, then we can rule that realm."
Julian Sawyer: "You kinda said it... an' I hear that a lot. Hasn't stopped me yet. An' 4's a chick."
???: "Yeee don't know how helpful the X-zone was. That ol' dirty tyrant The Void made our lives miserable an' killed whoever went outside their land. He secretly hated the duty, o' course, being the lowest of the Phantom Lords for disobeying all tha' time.
Sooo you could say defeating him opened up our jolly ol' gates in exchange for banishing his dictatorship."
Metal Man (GM): You hear an inverted clocktower ring.
Julian Sawyer: "So what you're sayin' is the Infernal Realm used to be part of the X-Zone? An' now you tryin' to reclaim that space lost by invadin' Nintendus."
???: "Nay. The Infernal Realm was never that idiot's lan'. Rather, we grew in size and tha Void used to fence us in. He be depowered now. Hyarrr. Now, o' course, he did us a great disfavor; tha Fury wished to let us free, then he stole tha Fury's powers."
Julian Sawyer: "...This shit's confusin'...So the Infernal Realm was IMPRISONED in the X-Zone? An' the Fury wanted to let y'all out?"
???: "No, no, ye landlubber. The Infernal Realm was always it's own. Tha' Void closed our gates and killed whoever was dumb enough to try to escape."
Julian Sawyer: "...Whatever. Wait, why am I still talkin' to you? I gotta get outta here." *Julian goes to continue on the right path.*
???: "Ye won't be gettin' far. Arrr."
Metal Man (GM): The pirate vanishes, as you wander into the middle of a town square, frequented by... thieves stealing from other thieves running produce stands.
They don't notice you, as they continually take stuff from one another.
Julian Sawyer: "...Crazy..." *Julian maneuvers around them and through the square.*
Metal Man (GM): You walk on through, and find your way, finally, outside of the city and onto an open field. It seems boundless, and has flaming trees everywhere.
In the middle, three skeletal judges sit on their own little stands, watching you.
Julian Sawyer eyeballs them and just kinda waves as he walks past.
Editor's Note: Ah yes. Just another normal SSQ session.
Metal Man (GM): You walk past them, and suddenly appear before them... again. And walk by... and appear before them again.
You try to get past another time, but the main one speaks up.
Julian Sawyer: "Now if this ain't a bitch..."
Judge Dark: "Ahem, ahem! Order in the court. We three shall evaluate whether you are to be a slave or a citizen of the Infernal Realm. I, Judge Dark, him, Judge Gold, and he, Judge Red, shall judge this trial."
Judge Gold: "You... how much money do you have?"
Julian Sawyer: "...This ain't good. How much you want?"
Judge Gold: "Oh, no! I have infinite. I merely wish to see if you are worthy of citizenship. How much do you have? I can count it for you."
Julian Sawyer: "Look, I don't want citizenship in here, I jus' want out."
Judge Gold: "A citizen may come and go as they please."
Julian Sawyer: "That works." *Julian reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a... a debit card?* "You take plastic?"
Judge Gold: "I wish to know how many coins you have; you do not need to give me any."
Judge Dark: "There is a minimum amount of wealth to be allowed a citizen. The good always lack money. We don't like them."
Julian Sawyer: "Alright, alright..." *Julian puts back the debit card.* "Lemme think..."
Judge Gold: "I am good at counting, if that you need."
Julian Sawyer: "'Bout 1.5 mil, 'least that's what I recollect. I got another guy owin' me 5k."
Judge Gold: "Ahhhh! Perfect. Just half a million over the limit. And... even better! You're making others suffer with loans! You meet my criteria for true evil."
Metal Man (GM): Then the guy in red, with bloody skeletal hands, turns to face you instead.
Julian Sawyer: "Lucky me."
Judge Red: "I require that you have viciously killed good and evil alike; to be sure you are the right match for our bloodthirsty citizens."
Julian Sawyer: "Done and done."
Judge Red: "While we've heard a lot, I must be sure... is it true you lead to the death of Aetos, for a time? Is it true you killed hordes of monsters... you killed a lawman... you killed The Void?"
Julian Sawyer: "Void an' Aetos was more of a group effort, but yeah. Done all that."
Judge Red: "Hmmm. My magical spells tell me you are one of the bloodiest... besides the traitor... also, far excelling my qualifications."
Julian Sawyer: "Again, lucky me."
Judge Red: "You may even have done more than that vile Zio, who was merely a wannabe Kuja, and was killed by a far greater evil."
Judge Dark: "Hmmm... but are you evil, or just a very confused good person? I've seen others with goodness kill others good in the name of the greater good. Nothing turns my nonexistent stomach more than evil somehow made good.
I believe the acid test is very simple; your soul be your own, while all of us have sold it to get entry to this place... normally for the coins... or for the kills... but are ye so evil... that ye would sell it just to get in, just for the thrill?"
Julian Sawyer: "...Huh?"
Judge Dark: "Simple be; sell yer soul and ye may leave... but your deeds will evil always be."
Judge Gold: "He remind me of our barbarians; not able to comprehend the old language. Where are the angry English teachers?"
Judge Red: "They sold out to The Void in exchange for bigger, better paychecks."
Judge Gold: "Curses! I would pay them, but them my money would be diminished."
Judge Red: "I spent all of mine killing."
Judge Dark: "It's just too nice to give money to non-immortals."
Metal Man (GM): *Tick tock*
Well, it's up to Julian now; I'm jus' waiting.
Julian Sawyer: "Whoa whoa whoa, hol' on. Now I may do some things that ain't cool in the eyes of everyone, that don't make me evil. That jus' makes me... what's the word..." *Snap snap* "Controversial? I'll go wit' that...'sides givin' you my soul loses me my gig with the Questers, an' that's jus' too good to let go. In short: Fuck off." *Raise middle finger.*
Judge Dark: "A shame. Even in rejecting us, you are evil. But for some reason you're attached to that one thing which makes you different.
It is of no issue. You are to be destroyed for heresy." *Gavel pound.*
Metal Man (GM): The judges vanish.
You're now alone in the infernal field; and then you discover the sky on fire has other abilities.
A big ol' hunk of fire, actually brimstone, lands in front of you, and morphs into a semi-familiar shape.
Julian Sawyer: "Well... that was fun. Now wha-HOLY SHIT!" *Julian backs up.*
???: "I used to be like you... but then I saw the truth that evil was superior. A shame... the good ones like you refused, so all there is is me."
Metal Man (GM): He forms, terminator-like, into the shape of Lynk, the long dejected, nearly forgotten evil alter-ego of Star Steel.
Julian Sawyer: "Do I know you?"
???: "No. It's a shame, I tell you; Razor refused, and that demonic puppeteer's soul was annihilated. And the evil doctor sent Yurie far, far away."
Lynk: "It is my punishment for being half-evil to fight rabble like you."
Julian Sawyer: "She sounded hot."
Lynk: "Oh, sure, I heard she was. Now she's lost in the stars... with diamonds."
Julian Sawyer: "Coo'. So I gotta kick yo' ass?"
Lynk: *Sighs* "Razor beat me to a pulp before, so I think I have no choice but to lose to you too. If I had only been evil enough to kill Metal while I had the chance! ...Or become good and godly like Skyhigh!
I am the stepson of Envy."
Metal Man (GM): BATTLE
Julian vs. Lynk, The Wannabe Villain
Lynk: "Make it quick. I have to be beaten to tatters by the Four Horsemen."
Julian Sawyer: "Right..."
Metal Man (GM): He manages... somehow... to get ahead of you.
Lynk: "Oh no... no way I can hit you. You... have... to die."
Metal Man (GM): He slashes at Julian, slowly.
Roll an EVD check.
- Counter
Lynk: "See... I can't hit anything..."
Julian Sawyer: "Yeah yeah yeah, says you, says them, says EVERYBODY." *Julian weaves around the slash, ducking and coming up with an Uppercut to Lynk's chin!*
Metal Man (GM): Hit.
Continue; he flies backwards like a weak paper bag.
He's 4 units away.
Lynk: "Oof... my face."
Julian Sawyer tunes up the band, stomping his foot, then suddenly BURSTS forward with rocket speed, aiming to connect a Big Boot with Lynk's face as he falls!
Metal Man (GM): Hit.
He's knocked another 3 units back.
Julian Sawyer finishes up by launching a Hat Trick at Lynk falls to the... sand?
Metal Man (GM): Hit, hit, hit.
Julian Sawyer stylishly catches his fedora and puts it back on his head as he finishes his combo. EoT.
Metal Man (GM): Lynk stands up, weakly.
Julian Sawyer: "You done yet?"
Lynk: "Ow... you are tough. But... I must do this."
Metal Man (GM): He stands up and hurls a big ol' hunk of magic at you.
Three of them.,
Julian Sawyer: *O SNAP.*
Metal Man (GM): 10 damage per hit; 20 on the 35. Roll an EVD check to try to counter.
Julian Sawyer: *THUNK THUNK.*
Metal Man (GM): *Fail* He tries to stab you next.
Julian Sawyer: *O SNAP.*
Metal Man (GM): 32 damage.
Lynk: "See... how it hurts... to be me?"
Julian Sawyer: "NOW you done it." *Julian reaches into his vest... Switchblade! Perfect for throwing the 3 Range that Lynk and Julian are away from each other!
Which leaves one to wonder if Lynk just has a really big sword... Julian flips it open and throws it at Lynk!*
Metal Man (GM): Hit!
Lynk: "Argh..."
Julian Sawyer: *Thunk.*
Metal Man (GM): 9 damage indeed.
Continue.
Julian Sawyer then jumps into the air, stopping at the height of his jump, then falling straight down in a crouch to one square away from Lynk. His fist is reared back, and upon landing he SLAMS it into the ground, sending out a powerful Shockwave Punch!
*DOOSH!*
Metal Man (GM): He's hurled another 3 units away.
He gets up, and then leans over.
Lynk: "This is hard... guh..."
Metal Man (GM): Then he hurls an egg at you.
32 damage if that hits.
Julian Sawyer: *Egg'd!*
Metal Man (GM): Then he fires a power saw at you.
Or three.
3 damage per hit.
Lynk: "I still have... my melee moves. Come on... hit me... this is boring..."
Julian Sawyer just can't dodge today! He's mad... enough to down an Ultra Shroom! He then tunes up the band again, before charging forward with another Big Boot!
He conserves his last TP. EoT.
Metal Man (GM): He's knocked back... and then stands up... laughing?
He glows blood red.
Trance Lynk: "Even though I sucked... I accepted the one thing which makes me superior... Trance! Ahahahahaaaa! The real fight begins... now!"
Julian Sawyer: "...Fuck."
Metal Man (GM): *Insert battle with Seymour FF8 theme here*
He floats up, and then concentrates heavily; with all his might, he's able to... barely hurl a spray of lightning at you.
60 lightning damage if that hits.
Trance Lynk: "If I kill you... I can ride your worthless corpse to freeedom! Then... I can become a God, like Kuja!
And then... everyone would have to listen to my speeches!
It would be... so excellent..." *Sheds a tear* "You will die to make my dream reality!
People... listening to me... for all eternity... instead of beating me with sticks..."
Julian Sawyer: *And then Julian's all of a sudden up in Trance Lynk's face! Kick to the Groin!* "Shut the hell up."
Metal Man (GM): He manages to edge outta the way.
Trance Lynk: "Hah! You are slow compared to me."
Julian Sawyer: *Try Again?*
Metal Man (GM): Hit. You kick him, but he is only stunned by being thrown backwards. Odd.
He lays on the ground.
Trance Lynk: "Gah... a thousand Alys... dancing on my trachea..."
Metal Man (GM): You're free to hit him, unless yer outta TP.
Julian Sawyer: "When I signed up with the Questers, havin' to fight YOU in the fuckin' INFERNAL REALM WASN'T IN THE CONTRACT!" *Julian goes old-school and curb-stomps the back of Trance Lynk's head while he's on the ground! And then he takes his stuff! Mug! Mug!*
Trance Lynk: "Did you... sign up... for the screen actor's... guild?"
Metal Man (GM): You pull out Seymour's staff... except... it's an infernal replica, stained with the blood of Auron. It burns your hands to touch it.
Julian Sawyer: *Activate Dark Element?*
Trance Lynk: "Only those who had the contract may use the infernal wares Kuja forced Auron to give!"
Julian Sawyer: "...What?"
Trance Lynk: "...Auron gave the Questers shiny weapons to fight Kuja. Only those he willed to have them could hold them. He's gone now. He doesn't want you to have that."
Julian Sawyer: "Kuja an' Auron weren't even in the same game..."
Editor's Note: I know, right? It never made any bloody sense!
Metal Man (GM): You can, indeed, hold it with dark powers; but a feeling of foreboding accompanies it.
Trance Lynk: "It's confusing, but trust me, Auron can be mean too."
*He coughs, gets up.*
Julian Sawyer: "Hol' on a second... I got a deal for you. Why you here?"
Trance Lynk: "I was killed for trying to kill the Questers. Because they wouldn't listen to my speeches.
All I wanted was to tell them my infernal schemes to replace gold coins with iron pyrite cups!
Forever and ever." *He nods and coughs*
"That, and that goodie two-shoes Star Steel hurled my transformer down here before he died.
He and that Metal... bleck. Goodie-two shoes. Evil powers and speaking for hours is the way to go.
And Alys... and Wolfman... and... and Nodal! He wouldn't even listen to me while drunk!
Skyhigh... that jerk... he didn't even acknowledge my existence.
And then... the Slytock... I made his name!
And Star Steel... takes the credit!
And... and... that ice cream man... who drove by my house when I was young! I hate him!
Then... there was that door... which squeaked... and Wolfman never fixed it... I wanted to tear it to shreds..."
Julian Sawyer: "Mmmhmm... That's all very interesting... Say, how you think this would look sticking outta your torso?" *Julian flips it into a stabbing position, and proceeds to ram it through Lynk's stomach.*
Metal Man (GM): He begins talking endlessly like this. You stab him with it, and he looks at you, angrily.
Trance Lynk: "That's more impolite than slashing me, my dear sir. I only wished to speak forever."
Julian Sawyer: "You can speak forever when I'm outta here. Now how you get outta this desolate hellhole?" *Removes the staff.*
Trance Lynk: "You must sell your soul."
Julian Sawyer: "Other than that."
Trance Lynk: "You must buy shares in Enron. Oh. Wrong realm.
I heard there was a loophole... the Astral Sort dislike good people being trapped here.
I tried to get their help; they told me to come back once my vocal chords had been literally removed from my soul."
Julian Sawyer: "An' seein' as how I got rejected by the judges, that technically makes me good..."
Trance Lynk: "Not quite. For the first two things they liked, their Astral types will dislike you."
Julian Sawyer: "Can I help it I'm good at what I do?"
Trance Lynk: "You're not good or evil, I'm afraid. You'll have to ask The Void for help. But... to do that, you actually need to steal some stuff from here and give it to him."
Julian Sawyer: "An' those would be..."
Trance Lynk: "Some dead man's soul."
Julian Sawyer: "...Any particular soul?"
Trance Lynk: "A guy who destroys things. I dunno anything else... hmmm."
Julian Sawyer: "Still wide open."
Metal Man (GM): You hear a *POP* and Lynk vanishes; a note left says the following:
'Due to failing his mission, Lynk has been sent to be smacked by the 4 horsemen. Please find another way to be destroyed. - Judge Dark
You may visit him later. I doubt you want to. - Judge Red
That bum owes me 10 trillion coins! - Judge Gold'
Julian Sawyer: "..." *Facepalm* "Christ..."
Metal Man (GM): aaaand we pause here.
Julian Sawyer's doomed.
Metal Man (GM): Continuing thing
Julian remains lost in the infernal realm, in the middle of a desolate field, and with nothing to tell him where to go.
Julian Sawyer: *But he's got a big stick.*
Metal Man (GM): Luckily, Lynk got too obsessed with talking to kill him with his more-than-necessary power, but unfortunately all Julian knows is to look for some soul of a destroying guy.
Julian Sawyer: "..." *Looks around him* "HELLO? ANYONE?
Jeez..." *Julian heads east. Just 'cause.*
Metal Man (GM): You head east, and enter a cemetery.
Julian Sawyer: "...This could work."
Metal Man (GM): You see several names; mostly of the dead who were purely evil.
Zio's... Lashiec's... Meier Link's....
Many others you don't know. It goes on past the horizon.
All in perfect condition. Apparently they have anti-vandalism hexes.
Julian Sawyer: *Yells like someone might answer* "HEY! Anyone know where I could find a soul of some destroying guy?"
Metal Man (GM): A big book appears and flips through. Under the title 'Destroying Guys' it seems to find more names then there is time to read through.
Hm. Most evil people destroyed something, even if it was merely feelings.
Julian Sawyer: "This place got some good service..." *Julian glances through it to see if there's anyone he'd know And could easily beat up.*
Metal Man (GM): No, not really. Lynk's not even on the list.
There's names from other dimensions, too. At least, 'Barney the World-Destroyer' doesn't ring a bell.
Julian Sawyer: "Fuck." *Julian instead tries to find people that'd most cooperate with him, or would know the most...*
Editor's Note: Damn. My dream battle of Julian fighting an infernal Barney the Dinosaur in Hell, thwarted.
Metal Man (GM): That's also questionable. Although the name Boba Fett appears on the list, it appears he 'moved' to somewhere 'far, far away' and 'long, long ago.'
Most of the guys matched would not hesitate to destroy you, your credit rating, and your garbage if given the chance.
Perhaps you should try to find out if The Void had any preference or something with which destructive person he wanted freed.
Julian Sawyer does so... Do Dexes work in the Infernal Realm?
Metal Man (GM): Yes.
Julian Sawyer calls up Metal.
Metal Man: (Dex) "Gah! Run away! Run away! The Zorkinoids are attacking! Ahhhhh!!!!" *Static*
(Dex) "Ah, so at last we meet again, Jose Consequence. Give me your shoes or I will destroy you." *Static*
(Dex) "I'm gonna EAT YAAAAA!!!!" *Static*
(Dex) "What? The shoe salesman again?" *Static*
Metal Man (GM): Appears it picks up too many dimensions out here.
Julian Sawyer: "..." *Flips it shut Pinches the bridge of his nose with his thumb and forefinger* "A'ight, think... Who'd the Void want free from here..." *Luck Check?
Luck check.*
Metal Man (GM): You think... of course! He'd definitely want this person free.
Metal Man (GM): Hmmm... yes! That's it. Dagon.
Julian Sawyer releases his nose and snaps his fingers "Got it." *Who's Dagon again?*
Metal Man (GM): Old Quester Hunter Lieutenant; killed for failing to keep the Questers' hands off of the Sword of Darkness.
Julian Sawyer: *Right, that jerk. Julian looks him up in the book...*
Metal Man (GM): Okay then. Good time to do the Quester half.
*MEANWHILE*
In the Big Room, the Questers are in the big room.
Metal Man: "Well... this is odd."
Gibby: "What's the matter, Metal?"
Metal Man looks at a strange diagram.
Dragoshi: "...Zuh?"
Metal Man: "Julian has gone into another dimension. Sent by that one known as 4-LY... and I have no clue what else lays there."
Dragoshi: "Huh. Know anything else aside from that? ...wait."
Metal Man: "We've managed to get some help from Ivan Robotnik in order to send you to there... but... not much else. Except for one thing."
Gibby: "Another dimension? Oy... that's a big problem."
Dragoshi: "...?"
Metal Man: "Well. That's the area of expertise of The Void."
*He snaps his fingers.*
The Void: "Ah, yes, that realm... I long terrorized it in my free time. Thanks to me, you guys didn't even have access to it until recently. Simply put, it's inhabited by the richest, angriest, most soulless people who have become so evil that they CHOSE to live there.
Now, a lone person they may leave alone, but when you guys appear, expect to fight evil from all sides at once, with no backup."
Gibby: "Oh great, sounds like paradise..."
The Void: "Now, you've killed most of the bad guys you've encountered, which is bad. Some of them may still live down there; if you've ever wondered how they come back, it's when they go down there instead of dying for real."
Dragoshi: "...Ah."
Scott Gibson just sits and listens quietly on Roxy's seat... Looks like he hasn't slept in awhile as he yawns.
Dragoshi: "If we kill them there will they die for real? ...Or are they unkillable?"
The Void: "They can be temporarily stunned. That's as good as it gets."
Gibby: "Sound like we have our work cut out for us... once again."
Roxy: *BeeeP.*
Scott Gibson just yawns again.
The Void: "The final piece in the puzzle; avoid trying to revive formerly dead villains. That can be done, even by accident, down there, assuming they didn't get destroyed by you directly.
Besides that, I leave you to your mission."
*He snaps fingers.*
Metal Man appears, and activates the warp to the Infernal Realm. "Tread carefully."
Gibby: "We'll do our best!"
*He dashes into the warp.*
Dragoshi: "...Understood." *Walks towards the warp.*
Metal Man (GM): *WARP* *WARP* Anyone else? Aetos? Azure? John?
Scott Gibson shrugs..."Got it..." and motors into the warp.
Metal Man (GM): You make your way into the portal; appearing quickly (with Digi, too) just inside two gates of an unknown material.
Scott Gibson gets off Roxy as he exits the warp. He leaves his guitar slung, practically dragging with each step.
Gibby looks over at Scott as he exits the warp. "Hey, uh... you ok, Scott? You look a little... out of it."
Scott Gibson turns groggily...
"...Hm?...Oh, yeah... that... Working on setups for the stage and getting your drums put together. Drag helped out with the sound tests. Now we just have to get our rhythm guitarist back so we can get started...*Yawn*."
Dragoshi: "..." *Nods.*
Gibby: "Sounds like a lot of work, but take it easy, ok? We can't have you going into battles while you're all tired out."
Scott Gibson pulls out his dex and nods.
He pulls out his dex and brings up a couple of pictures of stage designs. Enough lights for a suntan, effects out the wazoo, and a kick ass backdrop for the band. "Mind you this is still a prototype drawing."
*It's a picture of a sketch he drew on a napkin.*
Dragoshi: "...Pa-retty good... Pa-retty good."
Scott Gibson: *Puts his dex away* "Yeah, I think I'll be okay to finish the mission but I could really go for a double-shot of espresso."
Gibby: "That's like coffee, right?"
Dragoshi: "Yep."
Scott Gibson: "Strong coffee at that."
Gibby: "...Sounds like Saturn coffee."
Metal Man (GM): Speaking of great designs, you notice the sky is full of fire down here.
Dragoshi: "'Cept it doesn't make you go insane"
Scott Gibson: "I was warned not to drink those."
Gibby: "Hey, look at that!"
Dragoshi: *Looks up*"Huh. Flaming sky."
Scott Gibson looks up... "Wow... AC/DC'd love this place. Highway to hell-esque, man."
Gibby: "It's still really creepy."
Scott Gibson nods again groggily.
Metal Man (GM): You walk just a bit further in, and suddenly a small army of foes appear before you.
Hmmm... spiked Goombas... Stalfos... Kuja Infantrymen..
..Klungo with a lead pipe...
Dragoshi: "...Ahhhh... Damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, damn, dammity damn DAMN."
Metal Man (GM): Alpha Metroids....
Gibby: "Oh joy, the welcoming committee's here."
Scott Gibson: *Wipes his eyes* "Man... already?"
Klungo: "Klungo hatessssss Questersssss!!!! Take rich, snooty vacaaaation in realm, then attaaacked!"
Scott Gibson: "And we can't kill these guys, right?"
Dragoshi: "...Talk about stupid assumptions."
Infantryman: "We're already dead. And there's more of us than you."
Gibby: "We'll just have to knock them out."
Scott Gibson: *Groans...* "Like numbers means shit to the Questers." *Half-heartedly laughs... it's the insomnia talking.*
Infantryman: "In the spirit of Kuja's administration, I believe it's in order I give you 15 seconds to flee."
Scott Gibson swings his guitar into his hand.
"As if."
Dragoshi: "...Gibby... Scott... On the count of 3 I want you to close your eyes..."
Klungo: "Gah... you ssssuck, Infantry idiot." *Hits him over the head with the pipe.*
Gibby: "Huh? Why?"
Klungo: "All men! Kill the Questersssss!!!!!"
Dragoshi: "Just do it."
Scott Gibson: "I'd say he has a reason."
Gibby shrugs and closes his eyes.
Dragoshi: "1... ...2...Oh, SOD IT." *Just closes his eyes and tosses a pair of Flash Grenades at the opposition.*
Scott Gibson cranes his neck until his face is in his left shoulder blocking his view completely.
Metal Man (GM): You hurl it at them. They seem unaffected. Then they charge at you.
But!!!!
Gibby: "...Can I open them now?"
Metal Man (GM): DUN DUN DUNNN
We swerve to see Julian again.
Scott Gibson: "That would be a good assumption, Yes!"
Metal Man (GM): Julian: You seem to think Dagon will do the trick; perhaps you can revive him with some infernal words.
Julian Sawyer: *Alright, so Julian's at Dagon's grave...* "Now how the hell this 'sposed to work..."
*He flips through the book for a beginner's guide to Infernal...*
Book: "Simply say the following: Liva Resec Omni! Warning: May cause untold evil."
Julian Sawyer: *One more Luck check to see if there's anyone else The Void would want up and running...*
Metal Man (GM): Hm. You then recall something about Matek being 'The Void's heir' or something.
Julian Sawyer: *Third time's the charm.*
Metal Man (GM): Matek again; in fact, you're sure now.
Nobody else is named as 'The Void's heir.'
Nor happens to have his name next to them.
Julian Sawyer: *A quick jaunt over to Matek's grave...*
Metal Man (GM): You reach a burnt up, charred grave. With an endless ethereal fountain on it.
Just say the magical words, apparently, and you'll get him up and running.
Julian Sawyer preps the stick "Lyeva... Reesick... Omni." *Julian isn't very good at Latin.*
Metal Man (GM): Good thing it isn't actually latin. :p
You speak them horribly. Regardless of that, Matek appears from the grave... carrying his sword.
Julian Sawyer: "...Yo."
Matek: "What... what make you think you can disturb my grave?"
Julian Sawyer: "Uh... Lynk said to see you about gettin' outta here. Somethin' about the Void an' destruction..."
Matek: "That would be right, except I failed, and he disavowed me. But I do see something good right before me..." *He begins laughing off-key.*
Julian Sawyer: "...Yeah, I'm gonna hafta ask you to stop that. And what you mean by 'I see somethin' good right before me'?'"
Metal Man (GM): He brandishes his clearly ethereal sword, and alights with some sort of energy.
Matek: "What do I see, but the swordsman who claimed to be the most powerful Quester ever? I've been waiting for a chance to prove... that I am the ultimate warrior, first and foremost, even against Questers."
Julian Sawyer: "...A'ight, first off, I never fought you before... I think. Second, I ain't a swordsman, I'm a brawler. Last, When the hell'd I claim that?"
Matek: "Oh, you've told enough, and killed enough. I shall evaluate your prowess for myself."
Metal Man (GM): He advances towards you, with his sword; what do you do?
Julian Sawyer: "This is fucked up. I just wanna get outta here. Don't wanna fight you, Lynk, anybody."
Matek: "You won't get far... even the ground is your enemy here!"
Julian Sawyer: "I'mma say to you what I said to the judges. Fuck You." *Julian turns around and heads to exit the cemetery.*
Matek: "Hmph. DIMENSIONAL ETHER!"
Metal Man (GM): Two huge cylindrical beam-like things of burning goo fly at you from behind.
Julian Sawyer: *First one missed!*
Metal Man (GM): Roll an INT check.
Erm. MNT.
You manage to resist it from eating your flesh; but it deals 20 damage.
EVD check to counter.
Julian Sawyer: "What part of FUCK YOU didn't you understand? Let's see if this thing works..." *Julian swerves around and launches towards Matek, trying to nail him in the gut with Auron's Weapon... Could I get the stats for that?*
Metal Man (GM): It adds 1 damage and 2 reach; not very exciting, because it apparently requires magical powers to fully utilize.
Matek: "Look at that! The swordsman attacks with a stick! I laugh at your foolery."
Metal Man (GM): Hit. He's poked by it, for whatever damage it deals. Being a spirit, he doesn't appear to be knockbackable.
Continue.
Julian Sawyer: "Just my luck this thing gotta have some magic for it to work... An' stop callin' me that!" *Julian's Nano Gloves, and by extension the Staff glow blood red as he tries to get under Matek with the staff, hook him, and Focus SLAM him!*
Metal Man (GM): He's slammed by that.
Continue, unless, of course, EoT.
Julian Sawyer finishes off his little staff combo by trying to connect with Matek's chin! Uppercut! Uppercut!
Metal Man (GM): Hit.
He stands up, then taking out his sword and facing you.
Matek: "You are lacking for your claims. Feel the wrath of a true foe!"
Julian Sawyer: "This ain't gonna end well."
Matek: "DIE, INFIDEL!"
Metal Man (GM): He slashes rapidly at you; 15 damage per hit.
Julian Sawyer: *Block OW Block OW Block.*
Metal Man (GM): The attack stuns, too, so he continues onwards.
Matek: "And now... ULTIMATE DIVIDER!"
Metal Man (GM): He holds out his hand, and a huge rainbow shoots at Julian. It's razor sharp.
Julian Sawyer: "What the hell-A Rainbow?!"
Metal Man (GM): You manage to evade the ray, which cuts a nearby tombstone in half; that tombstone then fixes itself.
Matek: "You had to be there."
Metal Man (GM): MEANWHILE
Julian Sawyer: "You one crazy h-" *MEANWHILE.*
Metal Man (GM): The Questers face down a small army of their enemies; what do they do? A. Fight. B. Run. C. Other thing.
Dragoshi: *Slowly opens his eyes*"...Dammit."
Gibby opens his eyes as well.
"I suggest running... a lot."
Dragoshi: "...Agreed."
Scott Gibson: "Can't argue there... Rox, move out!"
Metal Man (GM): You may run; there's plenty of room behind you.
Klungo: "Come back here, Questerssss! You mussst die!!!!"
Gibby: "Run away!"
Dragoshi: "...No." *Gets the hell away from the enemy swarm.*
Gibby turns around and starts booking it.
Scott Gibson jumps onto Roxy and hovers for a moment.
"Anyone need a lift?"
Dragoshi: "No thanks."
Roxy: *Beep!*
Gibby: "Sure!"
Metal Man (GM): You run, and run, until you lose them in some big ol' forest.
The problem is, you're now lost in some weird forest with trees of stone.
Scott Gibson holds out a hand as he hovers alongside the running Gibby.
Gibby suddenly stops in his place.
"...Where did this forest come from?"
Scott Gibson grabs the breaks.
"The hell?"
Dragoshi: "...Eh."
Metal Man (GM): All you have is a single path; and it apparently leads to 'The Temple of Doom'
Scott Gibson: "Anyone see a conspicuous stone forest before now?"
Metal Man (GM): There's also a buncha weird bushes on the side of the road.
Gibby: "...Yeah, -that's- not a bad omen or anything."
Scott Gibson looks..."Oh, hell..."
Dragoshi: "Ya, really."
Gibby: "Well lets go towards our inevitable doom..." *He whistles a random tune and starts skipping down the path.*
Dragoshi follows Gibby.
Scott Gibson: "I shall sing the doom song...!" *Tired sarcasm Roxy motors ahead on her wheels now. Scott sit on her playing an acoustic tune.*
Metal Man (GM): You walk up to a huge jade palace, with steps inviting you inside. And gigantic torches as ornaments around the place.
Scott Gibson: "Bravely bold Sir Robin... rode forth from Camelot..."
Metal Man (GM): The doors are wide open; evil chanting can be heard within.
Gibby: "...Who's Robin?"
Scott Gibson: "He was not afraid to die... Oh, brave Sir Robin... He was not at all afraid to be killed in nasty ways..."
Dragoshi: "..." *Ker-shrug.*
Gibby gulps at the evil chanting.
Scott Gibson: "His head smashed in, and his eyes gouged out, and his liver removed, and his bowels cut out..."
Gibby: "Maybe if we just peek inside we'll only get doomed a tiny bit..."
Scott Gibson: "Err...*Ahem*..."
Metal Man (GM): Not much else, of course, other than it being a jade temple in the middle of a fiery realm full of evil.
Scott Gibson: "Do we take Certain Death Route 1 or Certain Death Route 2?"
Gibby slowly steps inside.
Scott Gibson shrugs and follows with a yawn.
Dragoshi follows the others.
Metal Man (GM): You step inside; all among the walls are various images of apocalyptic destruction.
The chanting resonates from the walls; you hear someone being smacked behind a slightly ajar door.
Gibby: "...What do we do?"
Dragoshi: "...No idea."
Metal Man (GM): Besides that, there's two other ways;
One is a hallway which leads to 'Throne Room of evil'
And to the right, a locked door with a skull on it.
Dragoshi: "...Seeing as one path's locked..."
Scott Gibson: "Burst in and bust a few skulls?"
Gibby: "Not a good idea. We don't know what we're dealing with. Maybe we can find some information in that throne room."
Dragoshi: "...Nah. I was gonna say we take the not locked path." *To the throne room!*
Scott Gibson: "" *Yawn*...Just kiddin', I'm too tired anyway."
" *He heads to the throne room his guitar slung.*
Gibby: "...Riiight..." *He makes his way into the throne room.*
Roxy: *hovers slowly behind them.*
Scott Gibson: "If anyone asks, we're traveling musicians and we're looking for a lost band member."
Gibby: "Yeah, that sounds good."
Scott Gibson: "Maybe I can play a song or two to get some info."
Metal Man (GM): You walk, and make your way to a strange throne room, where a pile of coins is piled atop a throne.
Above it is a sign which says 'King of Death'
Dragoshi: "...The King of Death sleeps in coins?"
Gibby: "...That's... a lot of coins."
Dragoshi: *Pokes Gibby* "Don't touch it"
Gibby: "...I can never touch the nice things."
Metal Man (GM): Nothing else, here, besides the chair, and a bunch of gold-inlaid plates, bookcases...
And also a big book labeled 'How to destroy the world' on one of the bookcases.
Scott Gibson: "Wow, cash... I want cash..."
Gibby: "...THAT looks important."
Dragoshi: "..." *Wonders if he should read the book or not, but decides 'gainst it.*
Gibby walks over to the bookcase. Now... how high up is the "destroy the world" book?
Metal Man (GM): Just 5 feet off the ground atop the bookcase.
Scott Gibson goes over with Gibby and opens the book.
Gibby goes to climb up the bookcase, but Scott beats him to it.
"Hey! I was gonna get it."
*He frowns.*
Scott Gibson: "Eh? Sorry."
Dragoshi: "...Wonder if this guy has any spellbooks..."
Gibby: "Well no matter." *He leaps off the bookcase.* "I suggest you destroy that book before it gets back into the wrong hands."
Scott Gibson: "Got any C4? That way we can try not making a ruckus until we leave."
Dragoshi: "...That's a stupid thing to say, seeing as well... It belongs to the bloody KING OF DEATH."
Gibby: "...Hence 'the wrong hands'."
Metal Man (GM): The book is full of strange words, in a language you can't understand.
Gibby: "If you want I can slash it to itty bitty pieces."
Scott Gibson: "Hm... Rox!"
Roxy: *motors over.*
Scott Gibson tosses the book onto her seat for safe keeping. .oO(May come in handy as a bartering chip.)
"Just trust me on this.
I know you're wondering what I'm thinking."
Metal Man (GM): Other than that, this room is empty.
Gibby: "Scott, we shouldn't be messing around with it. It needs to be destroyed!"
Scott Gibson: "I know... I have an idea though."
Gibby sighs.
Scott Gibson pat's Gibby's head..."Just gimme the benefit of the doubt on this one."
Roxy: *BeeeeeP?*
Gibby: "Fine... lets just get going."
Scott Gibson: "I know you're worried too, Rox. Just trust me."
Gibby exits the throne room muttering to himself about the severe consequences of having a book like that.
Roxy: *...beep...*
Scott Gibson: "By the way anybody got a grenade or some C4?"
Gibby: "I got a couple grenades."
Scott Gibson: "May I?"
Gibby: "...For what?"
Scott Gibson: "My plan..."
Metal Man (GM): You leave the throne room; now where to? The ajar door, or the locked one?
Gibby: "Care to fill me in on this plan of yours first?"
Scott Gibson: "If we don't end up using it I'll give you the grenade back. If we use it I'll buy you another one."
Dragoshi: "...So... Which door?"
Scott Gibson chuckles a bit..."No dice... It's a secret."
Gibby grumbles and gives Scott his grenades.
"Alright, lets try out the locked door."
Scott Gibson: "Thanks."
*He takes them and pockets them for the moment.*
Gibby heads over to the skull door.
Scott Gibson: "Where next?"
Gibby waves Scott over to the locked door.
Scott Gibson nods and walks over.
"Shall we knock?"
Metal Man (GM): You reach the door. It's got a big skull on it, and is heavily armored.
Scott Gibson yawns..."Whoo... damn, where'd that yawn come from..."
Gibby: "Evil scary door."
Metal Man (GM): So then. What do you do?
Gibby shrugs and knocks on it.
Metal Man (GM): Your hand nearly sinks into it; and a dark voice croaks, "Give ye a weapon of death to me." It comes from the door.
Scott Gibson: "Think a grenade counts?"
Gibby pulls his hand out.
"Maybe. Try just one."
Dragoshi: "...Weapon of death? Like a scythe or somethin'?"
Scott Gibson: "I wouldn't trust a personal weapon near that."
Metal Man (GM): The voice speaks again. "We have been in need of a grenade since the vile astrals built their holy one."
Scott Gibson pulls one grenade out of his pocket and slowly moves it toward the door. "Everybody stand back."
Dragoshi: "...A holy hand grenade... Damn them" *Backs away.*
Gibby stands back... WAY back.
Scott Gibson puts his hand through the door slowly.
Metal Man (GM): The grenade vanishes; the door opens, revealing... an endless armory, filled with a copy of every evil weapon in existence.
Gibby: "...Woah."
Metal Man (GM): The grenade is added, now as an 'Unholy grenade'
Scott Gibson: "I think I died and went to heaven!"
Gibby steps inside.
Dragoshi: "...Niiiiiice."
*He steps inside and looks for any scythes.*
Gibby makes his way to the swords department.
Metal Man (GM): The Grim Reaper's own is in here.
Scott Gibson walks in and starts looking things over trying to find anything musical or any kind of device.
Dragoshi: "...holy crap."
Metal Man (GM): While the Sword of Darkness lays next to Sephiroth's and many others.
Gibby: "...Happiness."
Metal Man (GM): The organ of Ganondorf is also here.
As well as an unholy guitar clearly from some possessed fanatic.
Scott Gibson sprints over to the guitar.
Metal Man (GM): It has a built in amplifier which has a knob that goes up to 13.
Scott Gibson drools.
Dragoshi looks at the reaper's scythe then shakes his head, clearly knowing it'd be SUICIDE to take it.
He looks around to see if there are any other scythes aside from it...
Scott Gibson: "Wooooow... So I gave it a grenade... Wonder if I can have the guitar in trade?"
Metal Man (GM): There's a weird short sickle nearby, which is devoid of anything too special.
Voice: "The weapons here are free to those who give the tribute... but all who take them are cursed to follow the will of them!!!!"
Scott Gibson thinks...
Gibby knew of the dangers of the sword of darkness... but he liked Sephiroth's sword. He goes to take it, but then hears the voice.
Dragoshi: "...What's this do?" *Points to the weird short sickle.*
Gibby: "...Cursed?"
Voice: "Create great paranoia, causing groups of people to create massive, bloody revolutions, followed by years of dictatorship."
Gibby sighs.
Voice: "Curseeeed... they each have their purpose... whenever they appear, they indicate certain dooooom!!!!"
Gibby: "There's always a catch..."
Metal Man (GM): Hm. That must be why they're in this temple.
Scott Gibson: "Hm... Got anything like this that doesn't come with a dooming curse?"
Gibby: "Alright, lets get out of here. No point in using weapons that'll curse us."
Scott Gibson: "Seems a bit unfair that I come in here and give you something without getting something in return."
Dragoshi: "...Damn. So, I presume it'd be a ridiculously bad idea to take the reaper's scythe then?"
Voice: "All true residents of this realm are doomed... no pure weapon exists in our stores. Take the reaper's scythe... and you become one of them!"
Scott Gibson: "Figures..."
Dragoshi: "...One of the reapers themselves?" o_o
Scott Gibson: "Who'd the guitar belong to? Just curious?"
Voice: "One of the few death Metal guitarists to successfully contact our realm via his music."
Scott Gibson: "..."
Dragoshi: "...Yikes. What was his name?"
Scott Gibson: "Sounds like the guitarist for Marilyn Manson."
Voice: "I suggest you leaaaave, if you value your souls... theee soulless can smell your taint of goodness!"
Gibby walks out of the room.
"Come on, guys! Lets go already."
Scott Gibson: "Thanks for your time..." *Leaves.*
Metal Man (GM): You leave... leaving the room open a crack; and the sound of whipping.
Dragoshi: "...Still..." *Look's to the reaper's scythe* "Such ungodly power, yet..." *Slowly leaves the room* "The ramifications outweigh the urges"
Gibby: "Well that was a waste of time... but it leaves us to door number three."
*He walks over to the ajar door and peeks inside.*
Metal Man (GM): Gibby: Gasp! It's Lynk! Being beaten by cloaked skeletons! (Skeletons wearing cloaks, not invisible ones)
Gibby spots Lynk in trouble. "He needs our help! Lets go!" He opens the door and steps inside.
Metal Man (GM): The skeletons turn to face you.
Gibby unsheaths his sword and points it at the skeletons. "You leave him alone!"
War: "How dare you invade our temple... you worthless, mortals!"
Dragoshi: "...Must he jump in all the time..." *Takes his scythe out of his carrying case, and enters.*
Famine: "With just one touch you can be killed..."
Dragoshi: "...Mortal? I'm 2,328, dammit! ...Or was 2,327...?"
Plague: "We've been around forever. You haven't."
War: "Hmmm... perhaps you can take over for us. Even with our powers we can't make Lynk stop failing."
Gibby: "...Take over?"
Trance Lynk: "But... but... I only lost because I couldn't talk Julian to death!" *SMACK.*
War: "Silence, you."
Dragoshi: *Coughs* .oO(figured that out when you called us mortals...'Sides, I've only started on this whole immortality shtick)
Plague: "He tried to kill your friend. I tried too, but he didn't die of any disease before getting here."
Gibby: "I doubt any of us could..." -_-
War: "I sent all my men to kill him, and most of them failed."
Famine: "He just has too much food!"
Gibby: "So where is he now?"
War: "None of your business. Now, we must be off to destroy Nintendus."
Metal Man (GM): The four nod, get on skeletal horses, and vanish.
Gibby: "HEY!"
Trance Lynk: "...Thanks. I thought they'd never stop slapping me. They even kept me in Trance so they could hit me with bigger, more dangerous curses."
Gibby sighs and looks to Lynk.
"Don't mention it."
Trance Lynk: "Now... it's about time I got my revenge! For... Gibby always made me look weak. And now he shall pay!"
Dragoshi: "...Only three talked, I think. Wonder what the fourth's excuse was... I think three talked. Eh"
Trance Lynk runs at Gibby, trips on the floor, crashes into a wall.
Gibby blinks and watches Lynk crash.
Trance Lynk: "Ow... I wish I hadn't picked such pointy shoes..."
Gibby: "Err... you feeling alright?"
Dragoshi: *Looks over to Trance Lybk* "Imbecile."
Trance Lynk: "Better than ever, now that I can kill you!"
Metal Man (GM): He leaps at Gibby and whales on the floor next to him.
Trance Lynk: "Curses... they must have stolen my contact lenses!"
Gibby: "And you plan on doing that by... crashing into things?"
Trance Lynk: *Begins stabbing a nearby chair* "Die, monster!"
Dragoshi: "...Woah, woah woah, woah." *Pokes Trance Lynk. Or tries to. Whatev* "How are you gonna kill him if you're stabbing a chair?"
Metal Man (GM): He seems lost in his own delusions.
Gibby: -_-; "Now I know why they were slapping him..."
Trance Lynk: "Wait... I think I heard something. It's... a talking refrigerator?"
Metal Man (GM): He walks over and punches the aiir besides Dragoshi.
Dragoshi: "...No. You're just an idiot..." *Attempts to fry Lynk with Indignation seeing as he's clearly stupid-I mean, a moron-I mean, busy punching the nonexistant.*
Gibby: "Could you -please- stop and think for a minute? Enough with the 'fighting'."
Metal Man (GM): He's hit, but bounces back. Cursed to eternally take beatings.
Trance Lynk: "Now... what do you want, Mr. Flegenheimer?"
Dragoshi: "...Huh. Where did Julian go?"
Gibby: "Look, we just want to go and find Julian. Is that so hard to ask for?"
Trance Lynk: "He's currently reviving old dead people for kicks. Somewhere far into the East of here."
Gibby: "Can you take us there?"
Dragoshi: "...Ah. 'Kay. Goodbye, and thanks for all the fish." *Leaves the room*
Gibby: .oO(...Fish?)
Metal Man (GM): +2000 EXP To all, as I pause this portion for now. The conclusion comes tomorrow.