Super Smash Quest - Story - Chapter 401: DoubleVoid Gum
Date: March 15th, 2007.
Metal Man (GM): The Questers are on the Q.S. Seeker. The console is currently freaking out.
Dragoshi: "...Okay, so what's the situation...?"
Alexia walks in, holding a glass of something red and drinking from it on occasion. "...What's with the console?"
Dragoshi: "...I have no idea."
Metal Man (GM): *BZT* *KZT* *SPZT.*
Dragoshi: "Maybe someone stuffed crazy pills into it."
Metal Man (GM): *BLAM.*
Alexia: *holds the glass out to Dragoshi.* "Sip?"
Dragoshi: "...Woah! Don't see why not."
Douglas inches away quickly.
Glyph: *Hop skips over to the center of the bridge.* "I have built an item of ultimate power to help you on your quest!"
Alexia: *Tastes like... beef?*
Douglas: "Like what?"
Glyph: *Hop takes out what looks like a mobile made of tinfoil and places it down where the last two inventions used to be.*
Dragoshi: "...Hmm. Tastes pretty good... Almost like... Hmm."
Alexia: "It's a meatshake!"
Dragoshi: "..." *Blink-ku.*
Metal Man (GM): *SPZT* *BLAMMMMMMMM.*
Alexia takes the glass back and drinks another gulp.
Metal Man (GM): The console explodes, revealing a swirly, dangerous looking hole in reality.
Alexia: "Mmm."
Dragoshi: "...Ah, man."
Metal Man (GM): Mewtwo stares at it oddly.
Alexia: "..."
Douglas: "AGH! What!?"
Dragoshi: "...Where do you think it leads?"
Mewtwo: "Somehow I felt something like this would happen some day..."
Dragoshi: "What would, Mewtwo?"
Alexia: "...Wanna check it out?"
Mewtwo: "It is clearly an X-zone portal. The original X-zone."
Dragoshi: "...Ah, dammit."
Alexia: "...Neat."
Dragoshi: "That means I have to leave the machinegun behind."
Glyph: [Hop] "Isn't X zone a kind of deodorant?"
Dragoshi: "...wha?"
Mewtwo: "We... 'destroyed' the original X-zone, but in reality The Void tricked us, as obviously it survived. After all, the X-zone is inside The Void."
Alexia continues gulping her shake.
Mewtwo: "And as long as it exists, and The Void, it is free to strike at any time... so... well. Here it is."
Dragoshi: "...You mean we're going inside The Void's gullet?"
Alexia: "So let's check it out."
Mewtwo: "No... he doesn't eat or exist like normal, rational beings."
Glyph: [Hop] "The Void is Craw? What a plot twist!"
Alexia sets the glass down.
Mewtwo: "Think of The Void as a sentient dimension."
Alexia: "Um..."
Mewtwo: "A very... twisted dimension."
Dragoshi: "...I meant that in a non-literal sense, but I understand."
Alexia: "You might need some new blender blades."
Dragoshi: "How twisted?"
Alexia: "T-bone steaks don't mix well."
Glyph: [Hop] "Just throw the steaks in the incinerator."
Mewtwo: "If I have to explain it to you, then you're not ready to enter it." He chuckles.
Alexia: "...Right."
Glyph: [Hop] "And the key while you're at it."
Alexia: "Is there anything we should leave behind before we go in?"
Mewtwo: "No."
Julian walks onto the bridge, sniffing the air. "...The hell smells like burned plastic an' hair in her-" He sees the Portal. "Goddammit."
Alexia: "Hi, Julian." *points to the glass.* "Shake?"
Glyph: [???] "I am pleased with this turn of events!"
Metal Man (GM): So, anyway. X-zone portal. Complete with a weird sticker that says 'Madness Inside (TM)'
Glyph: [Hop] "And me too! Or me one, since that was also me!"
Dragoshi: "...Yea. That thing leads to the Void's... Metaphorical gullet."
Julian: "...Ain't never seen a red shake that wasn't made of somethin' I don't wanna taste. I'll pass."
Alexia: "But it's meeeeaty!"
Glyph: [Hop] "If two madnesses inside collide do they cancel each other out?"
Julian: "Yeah. NO."
Mewtwo: "...You try it out for yourself."
Metal Man (GM): It does have a sticker.
Alexia: "'Kay."
Alexia enters the portal.
Metal Man (GM): The sticker is generated by it, and of course it being crazy-lookin' that seems almost normal.
Glyph: [Hop] "This portal is pretty looking. It calls me to it like a police siren song... Weeeeeeeeeee ooooooooooooh!"
Douglas sighs, grabbing Hop's invention, and goes in the portal reluctantly.
Glyph: [Hop] "Weeeeeeeeee oooooooooooooo!" *turns to Mewtwo.*
Julian: "Stop doin' that 'fore I make you stop doin' that. You goin', get on in." *Julian reluctantly heads into the portal... X-Zone. Bleh.*
Glyph: [Hop] "Can I, can I?"
Mewtwo: "Yes."
Glyph: *Hop grabs a breathing mask. He does not know its significance, only that it is what many Questers did before missions.* *He prepares to leap into the portal.*
Dragoshi: *Enters the portal to 'Void' X-Zone, with everything on 'im. Well, everything he has, that is. Eh. Wheee.*
Glyph: [Hop] "Oh! Almost forgot!" *Hop grabs a large box.* *drags the box into the portal.* *jumps in after it.*
Metal Man (GM): INSIDE THE X-ZONE... the Questers appear... inside the main room of Atlantis.
Alexia: "..."
Metal Man (GM): The sky outside is TV static.
Alexia: "I thought we were i--oh."
Metal Man (GM): Laying before them is The Void's corpse... from when they originally destroyed him in Season 6.
Dragoshi: "...Uh-huh."
Douglas: "Wasn't the sky purple, in the older X-zone?"
Julian: "Does it matter?" *look around.*
Metal Man (GM): Eerie music plays, at an artificially slowed pace, then slowly speeds up. The Questers see the mostly destroyed room reverse its damage, as The Void regenerates and un-falls.
Glyph: *Hop is holding his box above his head.*
The Void: "No."
Julian: "Thought not."
Alexia: "Gaaaah!"
The Void: "It has always been static-y."
Dragoshi: "Hiya." *Pulls out the teapot.* "Need a teapot? Or do you have backup ones?" >_>
Metal Man (GM): He stares at Dragoshi strangely.
Julian: "... Drago, cut the wacky shit. This's serious business."
The Void: "You aren't attacking me? Why are you neutral? This makes no sense... not even to ME!"
Metal Man (GM): He stares at you again, as he raises a hand.
Dragoshi: "...Since when is being in chaos land serious business?"
Glyph: [Hop] "We're from the fuuuuuture! We have come to show you what your life will be like if you keep being so mizerly!"
Alexia stares at Hop.
Dragoshi: "..." *Facepalm with free hand.*
Glyph: [Hop] "Oh. Wait, no, that's something else."
Alexia: "...You're weird."
Julian: "Since we start it off face to face with the fuckin' VOID."
The Void: "Last I remember, you fought me to the death, and I died."
Glyph: [Hop] "Sounds painful."
Dragoshi: "...That it does."
Glyph: [Hop] "I don't think I'd like to die to death."
The Void: "Along with it, this realm was mostly destroyed. However it is clear it was not permanently so."
Dragoshi: "...Mhm."
The Void: "In fact this resonance of the old Atlantean base... is still here."
Alexia: "Um... Any reason why a portal suddenly opened on our ship?"
Dragoshi: "...Yea. I'm wondering that."
Glyph: [Hop] "Oh, hey, Mr Void sir, do you know if Grandview is around here?"
The Void: "It is clear that something is incorrect and must be set right... in a crazy fashion perhaps, but still right."
Dragoshi: "...Who's Grandview?"
Glyph: [Hop] "I thought that was somewhere around Atlantis last I checked. I'm not good with maps."
The Void: "Tell me... have you seen any other of me around since I died?"
Dragoshi: "Yea. A couple o' times."
The Void: "..."
Julian: "There's a whole new you."
Metal Man (GM): He turns around and blasts a massive hole in a wall behind him.
Dragoshi: "Well, two. One that used to be a part of Metal then became some guy named Diolize. And... I think another one that's been appearing at random."
Glyph: [Hop] "Isn't Diolize a brand of soap?"
The Void: "This... this is very bad. Bigger than both of us. So big that I will have to forsake my hatred of you long enough to deal with... this."
Dragoshi: "Hell, I have his teapot."
The Void: "That other Void... is not me. He... he has weaker attacks, right? Perhaps... knowledge of Astral Tarot?"
Glyph: [Hop] "Tarot? You mean those things from Magical Drop?"
The Void: "And... if I remember correctly... he also hated some people he called Phantom Lords."
Dragoshi: "...Yea. That one became Diolize."
Julian: "That'd be him..."
The Void: "...You have not, nor were, seeing me, and Diolize... what did this other Void fuse with?"
Metal Man (GM): He appears to be... worried?
Dragoshi: "...Well, the first Void that became Diolize later on fused with Metal Man, the other... I have no damn idea. I mean the fir-Gah. This is confusing." @_@
Julian: "Diolize fused with this fucked-up AI named Trevor to become Diolize. All I know."
Metal Man (GM): He flies up to Dragoshi and grabs his shoulders and shakes him lightly... then suddenly stops and turns to Julian and lets Dragoshi go, gasping.
The Void: "Then it is almost too late. Two-thirds of him in this world already..."
Dragoshi: "...Oh, hell. What's this about now?" @_@
Julian: "Whoa whoa whoa, hol' up. Who's this 'him' we're talkin' about?"
The Void: "...And... a second X-zone? Is there one of them? Is it... orange?"
Glyph: [Hop] "I ate my lunch in there. Nice place. Orange is also my color."
The Void: "...Then it is... him."
Glyph: *Hop looks at his text.* "Oh, hey. That's cool. Impossible, but cool."
The Void: "This other person... is not me. In fact he mimics me to avoid being known for who he really is."
Dragoshi: "Who is he, then?"
Glyph: [Hop] "I can see my own name when I speak."
The Void: "...Aran, or pieces of him... the destroyer of worlds."
Dragoshi: "...oh, dammit."
Julian: "Aran, Aran..." *think think think.* "...FUCK."
Glyph: [Hop] "Only the worlds with space pirates."
Julian: "That crazy god-thing the Military's worshipin'?"
The Void: "I blew up your world once, but he used to do that like popcorn."
Dragoshi: "...Popcorn. Fucking popcorn."
Alexia: "..."
Glyph: [Hop] "I like popcorn."
Dragoshi: "Well, this is just FUNTASTIC."
The Void: "I don't know any military... heh... it's been too long, and had you not accidentally found me, he'd have probably killed you when you least expected it."
Julian: "Fuck fuck fuck, not good..."
Alexia: "So what do we do to reverse this mess?"
Julian: "What's the damage control policy on this?"
The Void: "Well... he was supposed to be imprisoned inside a staff."
Julian: "..."
The Void: "Did you break any staves lately?"
Julian: "One."
The Void: "...A magical, world-altering super-staff?"
Julian: "After we searched an' entire goddamn planet for the parts."
Alexia facepalms.
Julian: "An' yeah, I'm guess that's what it'd do... Man, EVERYTHIN' we do kills us in the long run."
Glyph: [Hop] "I don't!"
The Void: "...Then that's it. You freed his soul from there. After that..."
Glyph: [Hop] "I don't kill you in the long run!"
Alexia: "SHUT UP, HOP!"
The Void: "I don't know the specifics, but he's probably out to restore his power."
Glyph: [Hop] "Yessir."
Julian: "Shut the FUCK UP, Hop."
Alexia: "..."
Dragoshi: "...He already just did."
Alexia grabs Hop by the collar.
Glyph: *Hop says nothing. He was told to shut up.*
The Void: "Hm? How exactly?"
Alexia: *through her teeth.* "I. Am. Not. A. Dude. Got it?"
Glyph: [Hop] "Your character isn't."
Alexia: "..."
The Void: "Heh heh heh."
Dragoshi: "...Huh."
Metal Man (GM): *He re-arranges Hop's name to say "Pooh"*
Dragoshi: "It's like Hop's gone insane."
Julian: "Hop's already insane."
Glyph: [Pooh] "I don't think I like this."
The Void: "No, this entire realm is. You can see things which can't be seen elsewhere."
Dragoshi: "...I meant more so than usual."
Julian: "Anyway, Void, how the hell we do damage control on this Aran jackass?"
Dragoshi: *Looks around to see if that's so...*
Douglas: "...Then, what would collecting the staff do for anyone now?"
The Void: "That's the whole reason I live here, after all. Where else can you order pizzas by eating telephones?"
Metal Man (GM): Dragoshi sees weird names floating over everyone's heads. Hop has the word 'Pooh' floating over his head for no reason.
Glyph: [Pooh] "Ooh, ooh, is it red or is it green?"
Dragoshi: "...Weird."
Glyph: [Pooh] "That shows what level you are!"
Dragoshi: *Checks the colors.*
Glyph: [Pooh] "Don't attack people with a higher level than you are unless you want to kite them into an enemy base."
Alexia: "..."
Glyph: [Pooh] "Kites are fun."
Alexia gives Hop a good whack to the face.
Glyph: *Pooh screeches.*
Julian: "HEY! FOCUS! WE GOT A WORLD-DESTROYIN' DEMIGOD ON THE LOOSE!"
Metal Man (GM): The colors are horrible shades like green, orange, and polkadot.
Glyph: [Pooh] "Eeeeeee!"
Julian: "Ain't no time to get distracted!"
Douglas clears his throat. "Yo. Void. Answer me!"
Glyph: *Pooh rearranges his name.*
The Void: "Yo, Noid!" He flings a pizza box at Douglas. "...Sorry. I've been dead for years."
Dragoshi: "... Okay."
The Void: "And some evil demigod has been imitating me."
Glyph: [hoP] "Where is the shift key?"
The Void: "You'd be insane NOT to goof off."
Julian: "So what can we do?"
Alexia: "What key?"
Douglas: "That still doesn't answer my question."
The Void: "Collect... the staff."
Douglas facepalms. That was the major part of his question.
The Void: "Then you need the Phantom Lords. The Phantom Lords sealed him originally. They should know how."
Julian: "...Problem: The Phantom Lords want nothin' to do with us."
The Void: "...They should still be in the astral realm, though. Right?"
Alexia: "Let's throw a chair at him!"
Dragoshi: "...no."
The Void: "Unless... did the fake one blow the astral realm up already?"
Julian: "Nah, they got a whole NEW dimension to themselves."
The Void: "..."
Metal Man (GM): He begins laughing hysterically.
Alexia: "Like this!"
Dragoshi: "It was by their request!"
Julian: "Look, wasn't my idea."
The Void: "You... GAVE... INSANE PEOPLE WITH GOD-LIKE POWERS... their own dimension?"
Alexia grabs Hop telekinetically and flings him past the group.
Glyph: *hoP is flung.*
Alexia: "FASTBALL!"
Dragoshi: "...maybe?"
Julian: "Again, wasn't my idea. If we didn't do that, they was gonna blow up OURS."
The Void: "But... the worst part is... that crosses them off from our little plan."
Dragoshi: "Aye."
Glyph: [hoP] "Don't do that! I don't have any Aych Pees! I could die!"
The Void: "As if you enter whatever realm they make, they could probably legitly make you their slaves. If not cause you to have whatever luck they felt like. Imagine always missing everything as Goombas hit you with constant critical hits."
Julian: "...The hell is a critical hit?"
Glyph: [hoP] "I was a goomba once. I was a doctor too."
The Void: "This."
Alexia: "I think it's like when we shoot an enemy in the crotch."
Metal Man (GM): He smashes a 2 by 4 over Julian's head. Luckily it's a gag one.
Julian: "... Whatever, I get the point. Go on."
Dragoshi: "...Yea."
Glyph: [hoP] "You should have rolled a d1+19. That would be a hilarious gag."
The Void: "No, no. I prefer dice which are imaginary."
Metal Man (GM): He takes out a die the size of a bus and hurls it.
Glyph: [hoP] "Aww. But dice are fun. Glyph of ancient past used to make dice bots."
The Void: "Not over nine-thousand. Curses!"
Glyph: [hoP] "It happens to the best of us."
The Void: "Now... to defeat him... without the Phantom Lords..."
Metal Man (GM): He smiles.
Alexia: "...Do you hear some kind of music?"
The Void: "You'll have to do what I say."
Dragoshi: "...Maybe." >_>
Glyph: [hoP] "Yeah, 'Grubba's Secrets.' I have it on loop."
Metal Man (GM): He stares at Hop oddly.
Julian: "..."
Glyph: [hoP] "The Void prefers Wrapped in Black. I tink. Think. I meant to say think."
Julian: "Aetos, you still got that thing that makes people shut up?"
The Void: "...Don't mind him, he appears to be staring at the sky too hard."
Douglas: "Oh. Yeah..?"
Dragoshi: "...Yea. Apparently."
Julian: "Cut him off." *thumbs towards hoP.*
The Void: "I didn't know people other than me could actually read it, but anyway."
Alexia: "Ah-ha!"
Glyph: [hoP] "Maybe it has something to do with, uh... Uh..."
The Void: "You'll still need the staff... some of it."
Douglas frowns and snaps his fingers, putting a wind vacuum around hoP...
Glyph: [hoP] "I don't think I wrote into canon why I can see what you see."
Alexia smashes a nearby speaker, stopping the BGM.
Glyph: [hoP] "I need to update my backstory. I need to update a lo--"
Douglas: "How many pieces of the staff do we have so far?"
Julian: "Thank you."
Glyph: *hoP is silent.*
Alexia: "Stupid music."
Dragoshi: "Yep."
Julian: "Now then... How much of it?"
Dragoshi: "I believe we have two or so."
The Void: "The... part which is a staff. The shiny things you broke."
Alexia: "So where are all the Xs?"
The Void: "I hurl them at Star Fox when he tries to use my realm as a short-cut. He needs a better travel agent. Now, with the staff... you need... new shiny things. But... my shiny thing collection was scattered everywhere when you killed me."
Douglas: "Well, in the other X-zone, we've been finding these staff pieces already."
Julian: "An' where'd we get these ne-Damn."
The Void: "...And I mean everywhere, as in inside here."
Dragoshi: "...Uh-huh."
The Void: "Need... about 10 of them."
Dragoshi: "...10? Okay, then."
The Void: "Once you got them, then you need to beat this guy in a battle. ..." He looks down.
Julian: "Sounds easy enough..."
Dragoshi: "...Why?"
The Void: "I've never managed to beat him myself, and it was only a weird external force which kept my overkill from working on you that one time... And you must beat him, so he cannot resist. Think pokemon and how trainers catch them."
Julian: "Who you talkin' about, Void?"
The Void: "Aran. I know him because he swore he'd do all these things when I helped the Phantom Lords catch him originally. As he probably said when he was impersonating me, I was a Phantom Lord. However I am disproportionately more powerful than they are, for I decided to carve out my own realm inside myself. They get to bicker over whatever slim pickings you handed them."
Dragoshi: "...Huh."
The Void: "Now... you're here right now... so let's have some fun."
Alexia: "...Fun?"
Metal Man (GM): He rubs his dark-looking mitts and opens a portal... no... a refrigerator door out of thin-air.
The Void: "There's probably a shiny thing in Freezer Burn Land."
Douglas snaps his fingers and the windy sphere silencing Glyph dissipates.
Glyph: *hoP walks towards the door and pokes his head inside.*
Dragoshi: "Okay. So, where's Freezer Burn Land?"
Metal Man (GM): It's so cold, one's face becomes frosty the minute they look inside.
The Void: "Inside this freezer door!"
Alexia: "Okay."
Dragoshi: "...Fun."
Metal Man (GM): He points to the portal Hop is looking into.
Alexia heads into the door.
Glyph: *hoP staggers back and makes a face that indicates Aetos did a good thing.*
Douglas blinks. "Can't that kind of cold do a bit of damage?"
Dragoshi: "Can I at least get something warmer to put on, so I, yanno, don't freeze to a possible death?"
The Void: "Maybe to your soul." He shrugs. "Can't be too bad. Sorry. Fresh out of sweaters. You sort of killed me."
Douglas: "Well we warm blooded creatures don't operate too well when we're in below freezing temperatures..."
Dragoshi: "...Oh. Well, okay then."
The Void: "Nonsense. You're not creatures. You're the Questers!"
Alexia runs in and out of the door, getting another layer of snow and frost on her each time. "Wheeeeee!"
Douglas: "Oh, whatever." *eyeroll.*
The Void: "You kill things with roundhouse kicks, and if you cried it would cure gas!"
Douglas follows Dragoshi when he goes in.
Glyph: *hoP moves his mouth in a fashion that resembles "I'm not a Quester!"*
The Void: "Plus your gaze melts mirrors! And you can eat plastic all the time without dying!"
Douglas: "Glyph, you know you aren't muted anymore?.. You can stop pretending you can't talk."
Dragoshi: "...Wha?"
Metal Man (GM): He drones on into a whole series of weird things, like "Time itself bows before the Questers' ice cream laser powers!"
Julian: "...I'mma get out of here if it means I can't hear you TALK ANYMORE." *Julian heads into the portal.*
Dragoshi: *Follows Julian.*
Alexia finally runs back into the portal permanently.
Glyph: [hoP] "Mac Tonight."
The Void: *After everyone has left the room.* "Now... at last I am free, after ten thousand... days, or maybe minutes? Eh." *Kicks open a portal.* "Time to eat Kuja's headstone."
Metal Man (GM): The Questers enter Freezer Burn land.
Glyph: *hoP scuttles along, kicking the box he brought.*
Metal Man (GM): They appear on top of a slab of ice floating through a strange world in which the surroundings scroll wildly around everyone.
Alexia: "...Neat."
Metal Man (GM): A weird door that is upside-down blocks the way ahead. It is made of ice.
Alexia runs over on all fours to the door.
Dragoshi: *Walks over to it.*
Glyph: [hoP] "We need the ice key."
Douglas: "I've got a Dorito Key..."
Glyph: [hoP] "Let's go back to Treasure Trove Cove and use that password."
Douglas frowns.
Metal Man (GM): It has a regular knob on it.
Julian coolly walks over to the door. Get it? It's a pun. Laugh cretins. >:O
Glyph: [hoP] "I'm not a cretin. Banjo begs for plenty of, no, blue-egg, no, don't be a dumbo, go see... no."
Metal Man (GM): A hunk of ice flies out of the sky and bonks Hop in the head.
Glyph: *hoP looks up at the sky.* "I get what you are trying to tell me. Does any one have a roll of Duct Tape? I do not want to anger the gods any further."
Julian: "..." *Julian reaches into his back pocket, and pulls out... Vendetta's Hilt? Long time since we've seen that. Julian ignites the 'lightsaber' and tries to cut open the door with the ancient Jedi Door Opening Trick.*
Douglas: "Did anyone try just twisting the knob?"
Metal Man (GM): Julian cuts the door.
Alexia stands up.
Metal Man (GM): The door then morphs into a face.
Alexia: "Ouch. Non-scaled people should not run on ice on all fours."
Face: "Nuh-uh-uh!"
Julian: "Hand'd freeze the the knob."
Metal Man (GM): Then it morphs back into an upside-down door, uncut.
Alexia: "..."
Dragoshi: "..."
Julian: "..."
Alexia reaches out and pushes her freezing hands against the door. "Wake up!"
Metal Man (GM): Alexia pushes on the door. The door rattles.
Douglas: "...What, Julian?" *He actually has no idea what he said this time.*
Julian: "You got wax in yo' ears? The reason I ain't tryin' the knob is 'cause it'd likely freeze to the knob."
Alexia: "I'LL try it." *She reaches down and twists the knob.*
Douglas: "Ohhh."
Metal Man (GM): It turns.
Douglas: "You mean it would get frozen on the knob."
Alexia: "There, see? Child's play."
Metal Man (GM): But the door isn't open quite yet, Alexia only turned the knob.
Alexia then pushes against the door.
Glyph: [hoP] "Use the force! I mean invention!"
Douglas: "What does it DO, first?"
Glyph: [hoP] "I don't remember."
Douglas sighs, and activates Hop's latest invention..
Metal Man (GM): The door creaks open, revealing two people. One is green, the other is red.
Glyph: [hoP] "Uh, fire beats ice, right?"
Metal Man (GM): The invention catches on fire while Douglas holds it.
Dragoshi: "Yea. Though, it sometimes merges and causes an antipode."
Metal Man (GM): Meanwhile...
Douglas blinks.
Green: "You suck."
Julian: "..."
Red: "No, you suck!"
Douglas throws it at Hop and enters the door.
Dragoshi: "..."
Green: "I am awesome. You suck."
Dragoshi: *Enters the door as well.*
Glyph: *hoP dances out of the way.*
Metal Man (GM): They continue like this, blocking the way.
Alexia enters as much as she can.
Glyph: [hoP] "Does one of you want to be the wind?"
Green: "...Look at that! Birds are talking to us!"
Glyph: *hoP points to Aetos.*
Red: "Ugly birds."
Douglas: "You both suck!"
Glyph: [hoP] "Maybe this guy could teach you."
Green: "I think they said, 'Cluck cluck.'"
Glyph: *hoP turns to the two.*
Alexia: "I HATE birds!"
Red: "No, they said to buy Dominoes Pizza!"
Glyph: [hoP] "We need the broken item you have."
Dragoshi: "...We aren't birds!"
Green: "Now they're saying to eat some curds and whey."
Glyph: [hoP] "We will restore it and use it to defeat Magus."
Red: "No they aren't, they say they are nerds."
Green: "Nerd birds."
Douglas: "Aran."
Glyph: [hoP] "Right, right."
Red: "They want... Ragu?"
Glyph: [hoP] "What did I say?"
Douglas: "Magus."
Green: "Ragu in saran wrap."
Dragoshi: "...Why Ragu?"
Red: "Ragu it is."
Metal Man (GM): Red gives Dragoshi Ragu in saran wrap.
Alexia: "Meatshakes?"
Glyph: [hoP] "Hey, you guys, if I break reality to say something random will it become unrandom when you two hear it?"
Green: "Pancakes?"
Glyph: [hoP] "That's how science works."
Red: "They, one of the birds is now speaking in a different language."
Alexia looks up into the sky.
Glyph: [hoP] "Klatu Verata Nikto?"
Alexia: *shouting.* "WE NEED A TRANSLATOR PLEASE!"
Metal Man (GM): Alexia sees a strange scrolling mess of mountains, black emptiness, and static.
Glyph: [hoP] "Domo Arigato, Mr. Roboto?"
Metal Man (GM): A white light appears in the sky.
Dragoshi: *Wonders what he can do with saran wrapped Ragu.* "...Hm?"
Metal Man (GM): Then an empty soda can flies out of the air and hits Alexia.
Dragoshi: "..."
Alexia: "...THANK YOU!"
Douglas mutters, and tries to use the x-zone to speak in really bright annoying colors... "CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?"
Alexia picks it up.
Glyph: [hoP] "Good."
Metal Man (GM):Douglas shoots the Green one with big letters.
Green: "Agh!" *Falls over.*
Metal Man (GM): The way ahead is cleared.
Glyph: [hoP] "Victory is ours!"
Julian: "... Hate this place..." *moves on.*
Glyph: *hoPs onto the next level!*
Alexia throws the can at Red and heads forward.
Douglas shrugs and follows along.
Dragoshi: *Follow along, follow along...*
Glyph: *hoP skips back.*
Alexia: "...Huh?"
Glyph: [hoP] "Do you think that red guy is okay? Or that green guy?"
Alexia: "I heard words... encased in boomerangs."
Dragoshi: "...Whatever."
Glyph: [hoP] "Yoooou can't hear boomerang words, you aren't made of X-zone!"
Metal Man (GM): The next obstacle... it's an old foe.
Alexia: "No, I heard them! Seriously!"
Metal Man (GM): A man with swirling cheese danishes for eyes and a 10-foot-long tongue.
Julian: "...Danish Dan."
Glyph: [hoP] "Aaaaaaah! Swirling Cheese Danish for Eyes Man!"
Metal Man (GM): He stares at the Questers, and is wearing... an icy party hat.
Glyph: [hoP] "Wily is indeed a genius for sending this abomination!"
Alexia: "See! See! There it is again!"
Julian: "Shut UP, Hop."
Dan: "Heeeewwwo dumb peoplesh. I ete u. He he hoo."
Douglas sparks an old old memory. He turns into... Aetos?
Dragoshi: "...Oh really?"
Glyph: *hoP runs straight attempting to get past the Danish Man.*
Metal Man (GM): He tries to trip Glyph with his tongue. ...Bad luck for Danish Dan today.
Aetos summons OWA into his hand and grins.
Dragoshi: *Readies his machinegun... Assault rifle... whatever.*
Alexia hovers over and pistol-whips him.
Glyph: *hoP is still attempting to run. He has his eyes closed and has no idea whether he made it or not.*
Julian: "The way I see it, Dan, you got two options. One, you move, we get along,everybody wins. Two, yo' ass goes in the water."
Metal Man (GM): Hop has escaped ...One problem, though: The bridge becomes a downhill slide after Dan.
Glyph: *hoP has his eyes... closed.*
Metal Man (GM): An uncontrollable Mario 64-style 'AHHHHH' slide.
Alexia: "..."
Aetos: "Let's just beat him up the ol' fashion X-zone way, Julian!"
Dan: "U talk funneh."
Aetos cackles slightly.
Dragoshi: "No, you do."
Alexia hovers around Danish Dan as well.
Metal Man (GM): He moves to attack, with no regard for his safety. X-Zone Battle time!
Alexia sighs and gets into her battle pose. "Why did I ever join the Questers again?"
Julian: "You didn't have a choice, I'm guessin'."
Alexia: "Actually, I did."
Julian: "Then you jus' stupid." *TIME TO FITE.*
Dan: "The dumb elephant man is rite! Hit me one more toim!"
Julian starts us off by trying to lock Danny Boy in a Grapple!
Metal Man (GM): Hit.
Alexia: "I keep hearing the boomerang talk!"
Julian grabs Dann-o by the arm, hooks his own around it, then falls to the ground while pulling forward and aiming towards the water to hopefully launch Dan into it with an Arm Drag!
Metal Man (GM): For no reason whatsoever, Leo and Ricky appear in the battle! Well. Not the real things. But weird shadowy versions.
Alexia: "What's the turtle doing here?"
Dan: "In deh X-zone, imaginary things appear for no rehson!"
Alexia: "Oh. Gotcha, mister boomerang man."
Dragoshi: "...Like-No. That'd make no sense in this part of the zone."
Metal Man (GM): He lands on the water, then moonwalks back onto the bridge.
Dan: "Waht, me worry?"
Alexia blinks.
Julian: "..."
Alexia: "What's a Minos?"
Dragoshi: "...Hell if I know."
Alexia: "Oh."
Metal Man (GM): He's pretty weak.
Julian: "The fu-Forget, you gonna die." *Julian quickly re-ignites Vendetta then goes to Sunder Danny-Boy up with a vertical slash!*
Metal Man (GM): Hit.
Alexia pokes Dragoshi. "I think I heard you boomerang-talk, too."
Dragoshi: "...wate. wut?"
Alexia: "And I keep hearing weird, beepy music."
Dragoshi: "...I think I can hear music too. Except it's in some weird language."
Alexia: "And it makes me think of guys with impossible hair, senile old judges and some guy wearing fancy sunglasses and drinking enough coffee to fuel an army for a month. And the music just got faster!"
Dragoshi: "Huh. 'K, then."
Alexia: "Now it's making me think of someone getting caught lying and sweating a whole bunch."
Julian tries to grab him one more time...
Dragoshi: "...Do they then throw their wig at people out of anger, then?" >_>
Alexia: "Hmm... Yeah, sounds about right."
Dragoshi: "...Huh. 'Kay, then."
Alexia: "Oh, and this." *She slams her hands down in a deskpound motion while making the sound with her mouth.* "KSSSH!"
Dragoshi: "...Ah. Or..."
Alexia: "And now the music's REALLY fast."
Dragoshi: *Slams only one of his hands down in a deskslam or something like that motion while making the same sound with his mouth.*
Alexia: "Makes me think of doing this." *She does the one, the only...*
Dragoshi: "...?"
Alexia: "OBJECTION!" *swings her finger out.*
Dragoshi: "...Okay. Buy, in all seriousness."
Alexia: "...I don't think you CAN be serious here."
Dragoshi: "Shouldn't we really be concentrating on the nutjob with danishes for eyes?"
Alexia: "I don't know. He's just standing there."
Dragoshi: "I mean as serious as one can be in this inane zone."
Alexia: "...HEY!"
Dragoshi: "...And, the music? Now it's dark and forbo-...Yea?"
Alexia: "Oh, okay. The music changed."
Metal Man (GM): Hit with the grab.
Dragoshi: "Okay. Now it sounds like people being crazy."
Alexia: "Um, no."
Dragoshi: "...For me it does. What about you?" ?_?
Alexia: "Now it sounds like some guy with big white hair clapping his hands a whole bunch and talking about swimming."
Julian pulls Dan in close, and delivers 6 quick, powerful kicks to his midsection! Julian pushes off, then comes back in with a fury and tries to connect with a powerful kick to the side of the head to finish his Clutch Kick Combo!
Alexia: "And some guy in a red suit really hates his guts."
Dragoshi: "...Zuh?"
Julian: *POOOM.*
Dragoshi: "Anything else?"
Alexia: "Lemme think... Oh! This one guy with ten pounds of makeup on that does magic tricks and looks like a girl."
Dragoshi: "...Huh."
Metal Man (GM): Dan disintegrates, leaving behind a cherry pie.
Alexia: "And this one guy with a bandage on his face that wears a really ratty green coat."
Metal Man (GM): The phantoms vanish... for now! *DOO DOO DOO.*
Julian: "Finally..."
Alexia: "I think his name is Gymshoe."
Metal Man (GM): Now, a big slide ahead.
Dragoshi: *Down the slide we goooooo?*
Aetos mutters at Julian. "SHOE you!"
Julian: "Too easy... Shoe?"
Alexia: "Hey, a slide!"
Aetos: "SHOE!"
Alexia jumps onto it in a grinding pose and starts sliding down.
Metal Man (GM): A shoe flies at Julian's head.
Dragoshi: *And, Drago's taken the initiative of going down the slide. Yayz.*
Metal Man (GM): *Miss.*
Julian dodges it all Matrix-like. "...The hell was that?"
Alexia: "I haven't had so much fun since I played with the little light in the fridge!" *ZOOM.*
Aetos grumbles softly and slides down with the other two.
Julian disregards the shoe, and looks over the drop. "...Damn." He goes down feet first.
Dragoshi: "...Light in the fridge... Right."
Alexia: "You never stayed inside to see if it went off? Boy, how do you sleep at night?"
Julian: "In a bed."
Dragoshi: "...Yep."
Alexia: "...I heard crickets."
Metal Man (GM): A few feet of sliding later... the Questers see The Void and Glyph at a platform.
Julian: "You're a crazy, you hear everythin'."
The Void: "...So that's why you shouldn't be staring off into dimensions and reading what they say. It's too dangerous."
Alexia: "Do not!"
Dragoshi: "Want?"
Glyph: [hoP] "At first I didn't get what you were saying. The second and third times either. The fourth, now, almost. But now I think I get it."
Julian: "...The FUCK?"
Glyph: [hoP] "Can you put my name back now?"
Alexia: "Hi, Hop!"
The Void: "Oh, sorry. I just didn't want Hop here to accidentally cause holes in the space-time continuum."
Glyph: [hoP] "Hi Alexia."
The Void: "..." *Sets Hop's name right.* "You know. That's only for me to do... anyway." *Vanishes.*
Glyph: [Hop] "What a nice guy."
Dragoshi: "...'Cause then we'd have to deal with exploding disco bee-...right."
Alexia looks around. "...I think this place is damaging my senses."
Metal Man (GM): The Questers see their final destination.
Julian: "...Why can't we ever go anywhere GOOD for a mission? Like the Bahamas or somethin..."
Metal Man (GM): It's... a big icy place with 'Final Destination' written on it. A treasure chest sits there, half-open.
Alexia: "Wahoo!"
Julian: "..."
Dragoshi: "...This is way too easy. I'm not opening it."
Alexia: >OPEN CHEST.
Julian: "I ain't touchin' it."
Alexia: "Booooooox!"
Glyph: [Hop] *Thinks to himself, "I am NOT going to ask if it's 'like the movie', I am NOT going to ask if it's 'like the movie'!"*
Metal Man (GM): Alexia opens the chest. Evil music is played and a dark hand reaches out and grabs Alexia by the throat.
Alexia: "Gaaack!"
Julian: "An' THAT'S why I don't touch anythin'."
Dragoshi: "Hey! Let her go."
Alexia reaches out a foot and tries to slam the lid shut on the arm.
Aetos: "Neat! Dragoshi's turn!"
Metal Man (GM): *YANK* Out of the chest... a weird being with extremely googly eyes emerges, after using Alexia as a handhold to escape.
Dragoshi: "...Zuh?"
Metal Man (GM): It lets go of her neck... the googly-eyed dark figure has a weird mustache.
Julian: "..."
???: "Grooog... tasty Questers everywhere..."
Julian: "I think I actually seen this thing once."
Alexia gasps.
???: "But none as tasty as... Hydro..."
Metal Man (GM): *Belch.*
Dragoshi: "...You have? Then what the FUCK is it?"
Alexia: "...I thought you were a plushie!"
Glyph: [Hop] "I'm not a Quester. Does that mean I'm gonna be okay?"
Aetos: "It's obviously a Groogie Monster!"
Metal Man (GM): Its eyes spin around as it takes out a meatgrinder.
Dragoshi: *Aims machinegun at the damn thing.*
???: "Non-Quester make good pie seasoning."
Julian: "While I was lookin' through the archives one day, I saw how one Quester, name's Hydro, was an idiot, saw this here chest? Opened it, some googly eyes screamed at him an' sucked him in. Think we jus' found that same chest."
Metal Man (GM): It's a hunchbacked, dark monster whose only defining feature is a mustache (not normally seen when it's in the chest) and its eyes. Otherwise it's a walking silhouette.
Alexia: "..."
Julian: "Let's kick it's ass."
Aetos: "Remember kids, knowledge is power!" *Points excitedly at Alexia.*
Alexia looks into the chest.
Glyph: [Hop] "How do you you keep your mustache like that?"
???: "Miracle Grow!"
Aetos: "Ingenious!"
???: "Knowledge is power? No!"
Aetos: "Yeah!"
Dragoshi: "Yes!"
???: "No!"
Aetos: "Yeah!"
Glyph: [Hop] "No!"
Dragoshi: "Bees!"
???: "Stupidity is power!"
Alexia: "Hmmm..."
Aetos: "Yeah!"
Dragoshi: "No."
???: "Yes!"
Dragoshi: "No."
Alexia keeps looking in the chest.
Aetos: "Yeah!"
Julian: "SHUT THE HELL UP."
Metal Man (GM): Alexia sees a 'This space for rent' sign.
???: "No!"
Aetos: "No!"
Alexia steals it.
???: "Hey! You steal my sign! I steal your shoelaces!"
Aetos looks to Dragoshi and shrugs.
???: "Grrrroooooog!!!!"
Dragoshi: "..." *Shrugs at Aetos, then.*
Metal Man (GM): It runs around in circles. Clearly it means business.
Aetos: "Not before I steal your SHOES!"
Alexia: "What shoelaces? I never got another pair of shoes after mine were left at the bank."
Aetos: "Then summon new ones!"
Alexia: "I can't do that, Dave."
Aetos: "YUH HUH."
Alexia: "YUH UH!"
Aetos: "And I'm not Dave!" *frown.* "You mean NUH UH?"
Alexia: "You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me!"
Dragoshi: "...Really, now?"
Alexia: "Yeah! And the music says I'm right!"
Dragoshi: "Pfft."
Julian: "Focus, people!" *Julian goes for the weapons! He's got a..." Knife Handle! Damn! Julian tries to lodge it in the thing's forehead anyway with a throw!*
Metal Man (GM): Hit.
Julian: *BONK!* *More weapons!* *SLEEEEEEEEEEDGEHAMMER!*
Alexia: "Yaaay!"
Julian's got the sledgehammer! Let's see what he does with it... He's getting a feel for it... he's got a grip on the handle... Here's the swing! OUCH! Right in the mustache!
Alexia: "YAAAAY!"
Julian: *Damage, Daze, Stun, Coins.*
Metal Man (GM): He drops... anti-coins!
Julian's got some free time to finish his combo! Why not go for some MORE weapons!
Alexia: "...I feel odd..."
Metal Man (GM): They burn up to 100 coins of any coins they touch!
Julian: *Another Knife Handle! Damn! Try to lodge it in the monster's head again, then.*
Groog: "You hit me, my coins hit you!"
Julian: *BONK.*
Alexia presses a hand to her forehead before her eyes glaze over and she collapses.
Metal Man (GM): He gets bonked, his eyes spinning wildly.
Julian: *More damage, and add a tiny bit more damage to the total.*
Groog: "It is mangling time!"
Metal Man (GM): He screams bloody murder, then tries to eat Julian.
Julian: *Oh fuck.*
Metal Man (GM): He eats Julian. Unfortunately the Questers are already inside the X-zone, so Julian reappears right where he was last standing... but he also takes damage.
Groog: "Ack! Already in X-zone! I must kill other way!"
Julian: *What is it with enemies only using Julian's attacks/damages against him lately?*
Metal Man (GM): He takes out a weapon... ye gods. It's Razor's E-123 gun. He straps it on and then sticks... several power rods into it... He then takes out some Red Essence and gobbles it down.
Groog: "Yummy! Carcinogenic red dust!"
Metal Man (GM): He finishes off by arbitrarily strapping an eye to his forehead and opening fire at Aetos.
Aetos: *4 Ows.*
Metal Man (GM): Over-the-top-extreme-absurdity-damage to Aetos.
Aetos is killed instantly, especially by over Cheapskate. >:O
Groog: "I have this hobby, you see... Questers don't get eaten by me so normally no more. Now all the world's overpowered artifacts are mine!"
Julian: "You got a deal with Dave?"
Dragoshi: "...I see." *Shoots the hell out of the eye on Groog's forehead with a Tidal Blast Barrage, then.*
Metal Man (GM): He stands there and takes no damage.
Groog: "Red Essence! Heeee heee haaaaaah!"
Dragoshi: "...Yea." *Looks for cliff edges.*
Metal Man (GM): Edges are around you in all directions.
Dragoshi: *Switches out his machinegun for his scythe.*
Glyph: *Hop is off to the side.* "What is Red Essence?"
Dragoshi: *Drago would then proceed to swipe the hell out of Groog, in an attempt to use the knockback from the end parts of each blow to send him off any bottomless pits/cliff edges that're behind said Groog.*
Groog: "A substance which makes me invincibelll!!!"
Glyph: [Hop] "Can I have some?"
Metal Man (GM): The many hits hit over and over again. He flies in the water, but leaps out... that did damage him somewhat, though.
Groog: "No. Groog ate last packet in existence!"
Glyph: [Hop] "Aww. I guess there's always time travel."
Groog: "What you want anyway, Questers? Freeeeezer Burn is my land!"
Aetos: *Too bad he's dead.* D:
Dragoshi: "...Some sort of shiny thing."
Groog: "No! Groog keep!"
Dragoshi: "Then we'll just have to keep dunking you in the water then, huh?"
Julian tunes up the band, lines up his target... then SHOOTS towards Groog in an effort to knock him into the water with a Big Boot! *PUNT!*
Metal Man (GM): Amazingly, Julian's knockback is very useful here. He reappears, now looking really beat up from hitting the water again.
Groog: "Groog no give Shiny! Stop punting me into water!"
Julian: *MOAR BOOT.*
Dragoshi: *Singing.* "All the Groog-eating ducks are swimming in the water..."
Metal Man (GM): He hits the water and reappears again.
Groog: "Nooo! Bad people!"
Julian: *And Julian kicks him back into the water again.*
Dragoshi: "...Damn. Nothing." *Tries singing that again.*
Metal Man (GM): He's damaged yet again.
Julian: *Twice more!*
Metal Man (GM): He's constantly hurled into the water... but he appears to have one last trick up his sleeve... so he's still standing.
Julian: *Damn. Out of energy.*
Groog: "Okay, okay! I give you thing!"
Metal Man (GM): He chucks a weird ring at Julian. Damage as it rebounds off his skull and lands in his right hand.
Dragoshi: "..." .oO(Why do I have a bad feeling about this)
Aetos revives and grumbles, he's about to attack, too!
Groog: "That's... it. Enough of you!" He leaps into his chest and vanishes.
Julian: "..."
Metal Man (GM): A portal back out appears.
Julian: *blink, look at ring.*
Aetos holds his arms up and summons a gust of wind, intent on --- "What?" *blink.*
Glyph: [Hop] "Ooh! Shiny!"
Dragoshi: "...Wrong thing."
Metal Man (GM): It's a shiny ring.
Glyph: [Hop] "Can I try it on?"
Metal Man (GM): One of ten objects the Questers will need to re-seal Aran.
Dragoshi: "...Wait. Unless... Does the thing we need necessarily need to-"
Julian: "No." *Heads into the warp.*
Glyph: *Hop frowns.*
Dragoshi: "...Huh. Guess I'm wrong then. But, meh." *Follows.*
Aetos berates Googie Monster.
Glyph: *Hop follows too.*
Aetos enters the warp after sticking his tongue out at Googie Monster.
Metal Man (GM): Mission complete.
Aetos would change back to Douglas now, FYI... but the mission is over anyways, ya know? Wario and Waluigi's Investment Fund: 665,500 coins. He wonders what it is after 10% interest.