Super Smash Quest - Story - Chapter 423: A Merry Little Christmas
Date: December 25th, 2007.
Trivia: Metal Man's luck runs the worst near Christmas.
Metal Man (GM): It's a nice day out, and the world is peaceful. Even Ganondorf and Bowser are around, seemingly not feeling like evil after realizing how Luigi had tricked them. The Christmas tree is up, some presents have been opened; most notably Panzer's, who had to leave (Apparently to find Zero.) Luigi's was also opened, on his behalf; Luigi's still recovering from both his mental breakdown and physical beatdown.
Dragoshi: *In R&R as per usual, reading his book. Yep.*
Metal Man (GM): The presents are out, with one for each Quester, in an array of different boxes. While not many can come to open them on this day, they shall remain until each Quester has opened theirs. Metal Man is in the R&R sitting near the tree, relaxing by the fire. He had a pretty long day of writing papers about the Luigi incident. Ganondorf and Bowser would be wandering HQ, talking about 'the Good old days' before they were doing evil things against the Stadium.
Digifanatic walks into R&R, once again in a green shirt but not much else.
Metal Man (GM): Professor Oak is currently busy deciphering an odd message Dr. Carrol left.
Digifanatic: "How's the Dr. Wily alert sensors coming? Just kidding..."
Metal Man: "Ah, Dr. Wily. We checked to be sure. No robo-presents, no evil beings, and not even some Grinch thing I've heard about."
Dragoshi: "Okay, good."
Metal Man: "You may open your presents now... I apologize for the lack of ceremony, but that Luigi incident tired me out."
Digifanatic: "Phew. About time we passed through the holiday season without such interferences."
Dragoshi: "Also, make sure your car keys aren't glowing freakily." >_>
Metal Man (GM): The tree itself is... 15 feet tall, decorated with glass ornaments in the shapes of various old things you've fought and/or seen.
Digifanatic: "Better not be any Electrodes that explode on the stroke of midnight on New Year's..."
Metal Man (GM): E Li Three... Team Rocket... Wolfman... Denon... Kuja Supersoldier... a Chaos emerald...
Metal Man: "I'll be sure to leave those in Luigi's hands. I also made sure to investigate that Blech character's death... apparently, he had some evil plan he was going to do, but a stroke of Christmas luck took him out."
Deloth comes outta nowhere and dashes towards the tree at breakneck speed, plowing through everyone in his way and screaming "PRESENTS! PRESENTS! PRESENTS!" at the top of his lungs.
Metal Man: "His Heart was three sizes too nonexistent, apparently."
Digifanatic: "Heh, ah yes..."
Metal Man (GM): Deloth would run his way to a funny little box with his name on it.
Dragoshi: "And his brain was seven." *Snrks.*
Digifanatic: "Nice one."
Deloth: "Ha-ha!" *tears into it.*
Metal Man (GM): Deloth would rip it open and out would pop a rather large sword, neatly made of titanium and with a perfectly sized handle.
Digifanatic: *mumbles to Dragoshi* "Must be that five year death lapse...* "*
Metal Man (GM): It has enough reach to hit two enemies at once and is incredibly sharp... and tough, too. Nobody's gonna be breaking it easily.
Dragoshi: *Whispers to Digi* "Nah, he just has a lot of Christmas spirit. ...Or he's hyper. Either or."
Digifanatic: "Eh, that too."
Deloth: "...All RIGHT!"
Deloth grabs his new toy and whips it at the shredded remains of the box and wrapping.
Julian: *Julian walks into R&R, coming from the direction of the rebuilt Arena* "Man, that's gonna look nice come next month...No plots to end Christmas this year? 'Bout time everyone wised up."
Metal Man (GM): It slices the remains into little tiny pieces.
Digifanatic: "Do what you want to the box, Deloth...good practice if nothing else."
Metal Man: "Well, one guy had an idea to do it, but he got shot by Panzer mid-exposition."
Digifanatic: "Just don't wreck any of our stuff, or the tree. Hello, Julian."
Julian: *Shrugs* "Good enough for me."
Metal Man: "The tree has a protective spell on it. After the time it caught on fire one year, Mack decided the expense would be better than the cleanup costs."
Deloth: "Man, where'd you get a sword like this, anyw--caught on fire?"
Metal Man: "Demon liked to set things on fire. And, Santa Claus, of course. Ever wonder how he goes everywhere at once?"
Aribar shuffles into the R&R, tired.* "Stayed up all night and day to catch Santa Claus and end his elf-slavery ways... Didn't even see him."
Dragoshi: *Pretty much wearing Blech's tophat instead of the yellow one this time.* "Oh. Huh."
Metal Man: "He has an inter-dimensional sleigh."
Deloth: "Oh, by the way, I made eggnog. It's in the kitchen."
Aribar: "... Oh."
Digifanatic: "Is it spiked?"
Julian: "Ain't touchin' it, knowin' you."
Metal Man: "Any way, there are presents for everyone."
Deloth: "...Look, I only put a LITTLE in this time."
Deloth: "I'm not having it spontaneously combust again. Sheesh."
Deloth: "Besides, it had to be pretty good stuff anyways. I taught 'Lex how to make it."
Digifanatic: "Oh no..."
Metal Man: "So... who shall open their present yet? Er... next."
Digifanatic: .oO(Not going there)
Aribar shudders at the last syllable of that name and shuffles over to his pressie.* "As long as it's not a cube of darkness with mind control gel on it, sure."
Deloth: "...Alright, fine, I'll go get rid of it. Party poopers."
Deloth heads off to the kitchen for a bit.
Metal Man: "Nah. Give it to Luigi."
Dragoshi: "...That sounds like a ridiculous idea for a gift, Ari. A weird stocking stuffer at the least, but still..."
Metal Man: "He has to drink everything through a straw anyway."
Deloth: "But last time I got rid of it, our garbage disposal started draining better than ever!"
Dragoshi: "...Wow. Everything?"
Metal Man: "Remember all those attacks which hit him and did nothing?"
Aribar: "Even water?" *Sarcasm'd!*
Dragoshi: "They suddenly started hurting?"
Metal Man: "They all suddenly boomeranged and smacked him in the face a little while ago, since his evil powers evaporated. What comes around goes around..."
Deloth: "..." *shrugs* "Okay, he can get it. I don't mind."
Dragoshi: "...Damn. That's a lot of assault rifle blasts, and other stuff."
Deloth: *heads back to the others, admiring his new toy.*
Digifanatic: "You can go, Ari. I'm in no hurry."
Dragoshi: "Oh, and an entire friggin' spaceship. Can't forget that."
Deloth: "So where'd you get a piece of quality craftsmanship like this, anyways?"
Metal Man: "Santa Claus, like I said.... and him? I don't know. He's got some magical powers, man."
Aribar goes to look for his pressie then, shaking it thoroughly before opening it.*
Deloth: "...Am I the only one here who sorta expects Team Rocket to break through a wall or something right about now?"
Metal Man (GM): Aribar shakes it open and out pops a strange scarf.
Dragoshi: "If they do, then who wants to help me throw the couch at them?"
Metal Man (GM): It's orange and soft... ...and glowy, sort of. A tag is on it.
Digifanatic: "Well, I asked Metal how the Dr. Wily sensors were coming along, Deloth."
Metal Man: "Curse-Stop-9005: Ending Status Effects since -3945 NY."
Metal Man (GM): Useful, as that means any future attempts to corrupt or possess Aribar will categorically fail. Yes. Even ones involving nanites.
Deloth: "...Y'know, nobody's commented on this yet." *pushes the Santa hat back onto the top of his head.*
Aribar looks to Del,* "Ah, so you've sided with the enemy."
Aribar takes out the scarf and puts it on.* "No more evil curses! Huzzah!"
Digifanatic: "He means the whole elf thing, Deloth."
Aribar: "Uh huh."
Digifanatic: "Basically giving folks like Aribar a bad name."
Aribar heads to the nearest non-elf-eating couch and sits down, now wrapped in a shiny scarf.*
Deloth: "It's a hat. Chill out."
Metal Man (GM): It also protects from status effects... rather powerful, except they get translated into equivalent damage. The important part is that, wearing it or not, it prevents various curses, corruptions, mind control...
Aribar: "Those Keebler elves are next... Right after Santa."
Digifanatic: "And nice scarf, by the way."
Deloth: "...Oh, right, milk and cookies." *runs to the kitchen again.*
Digifanatic: "Well, if anyone doesn't object, I'm willing to go next."
Dragoshi: "Do whatever." *Continues reading.*
Digifanatic walks over and looks for his gift...but he does inspect size and shape before opening it.
Deloth: *looking out of the kitchen door* "Hey, Metal, where's the cookie dough?"
Metal Man (GM): It's about medium size.
Digifanatic: "Huh..." *not quite sure, so he carefully opens it up.*
Metal Man (GM): You open it up, and... ...obtain a small module. It appears to be about dex size. It would plug into the back.
Digifanatic: "Well, then..." *takes out his Dex and plugs the two together.*
Digifanatic then checks the screen on his Dex to see what's popped up.
Metal Man (GM): You see a very advanced computer interface thing. This will not only add +2 to computer use check, but allow you to do it on interfaces without a normal terminal on it. It has a translator as well, and will attempt to interface even with stuff you couldn't usually understand.
Metal Man: "Huh? What?"
Deloth: "Where's the cookie dough?"
Metal Man (GM): Meaning you can control things like digital devices without a keyboard or monitor.
Metal Man: "I don't have any... usually Wolfman does Christmas shopping."
Deloth: "But... but the milk and cookies! ...Hang on. I have an idea."
Julian: "Bit too late, Del."
Aribar: "Hit the deck!" *Dives behind the couch when he hears Deloth say that.*
Deloth ducks back into the kitchen and searches the fridge. Steaks, steaks...
Dragoshi: *Continues reading his book, and mutters to himself* "Why do I have a feeling..."
Metal Man (GM): There are steaks--typical, as many meat eaters reside either inside or nearby the Stadium, staff-wise.
Metal Man: "So then... who shall open a present next?"
Deloth: "Ah!" *grabs one and Fire Twists it to perfection, slaps it on a plate, and runs out and to the coffee machine.
Aribar blinks and gets out from behind the couch.* "I just realized that my new scarf would stop any food poisoning Del would give me."
Metal Man: "Indeed."
Metal Man (GM): Deloth makes his way to the coffee machine.
Dragoshi: "Pretty much, yea."
Metal Man (GM): It's a Mr. Coffee brand. Watch out, they like to overflow.
Deloth grabs a cup and starts filling it up.
Metal Man (GM): Deloth does so. It's been sitting there a while, but it's still good--just this morning.
Metal Man: "Julian, Dragoshi... maybe one of you could open a present."
Metal Man (GM): Deloth could get fresher coffee, but a note taped to it says "Danger: Prone to overflowing when activated."
Digifanatic: "This is cool..." *shuts his Dex off for now and waits to see what the others have gotten.*
Deloth: "...It's worth the risk." *drinks the cupful in his hand and turns on the other coffee machine.*
Julian: *Julian's currently looking over some quick blueprints he had drawn up for a hotel/convention center to be built near the stadium, to house the people coming in for the tournament.* "Oughta put a food court on the bottom floor, but that might draw off profits from the Stadium... Hm?" *Julian looks up* "Yeah, sure, I'll go next." *Julian folds the blueprints back up and goes in search of his present.
Metal Man (GM): Julian finds a box... it looks like two boxes stuck together. Deloth turns on the coffee machine...
Digifanatic: "Deloth? You need any help in there?"
Metal Man (GM): It's strangely complex for a coffee machine. Perhaps the people at Mr. Coffee hate coffee.
Julian: *Let's open that sumbitch up.*
Digifanatic: "I know ChancÃ©'s not here right now..."
Dragoshi: *Under his breath* "And, this is why we should get a Proctor Silex..." *Continues reading.*
Metal Man (GM): Deloth is likely to recoil in horror as the machine begins overflowing with coffee and hot water and... steam??? How odd. Meanwhile, Julian opens up the box and gets two golden punching gloves. With a note from Santa!
Deloth: "Um... guys? SOS!"
Deloth jumps back. EVIL COFFEE!
Metal Man (GM): 'I know those brass knuckles were great, but Metal Man's all uncool and afraid of them being overpowered. These should do the trick for people who annoy you, though. Merry Christmas.' They appears to be extremely heavily padded. Likely to KO or just dent whoever you punch. They are weapons, of course. A weapon.
Julian: *Julian reads the note* "...Aw yeah. This is definitely goin' in the collection." *Julian pockets the note, picks up the gloves, and puts them on.*
Digifanatic: *Looks at Julian's gloves* "Oh, now those are nice. No outsiders are gonna screw around with you now."
Deloth: "IT'S SPILLING INTO THE HALL!"
Dragoshi: "..." *Closes book up. Grabs a tray from the kitchen, then walks into wherever Del is, holding the tray up to deflect the coffee. And the water. Oh and the steam. eeeeeeeeviiiiiilll steaaaaaaam.*
Metal Man (GM): They feel nice and hefty. Plus, they protect the wearer's hands. The wearer could probably both block and smash with these. The floor is not flooded by the coffee; there is a drainage grate right... there?
Digifanatic: "And a happy Kwanzaa to you as well, Julian. Now I'm going to help Deloth's little situation..." *grumbles to himself* .oO(He could have asked...)
Aribar looks at the gloves..* "Have I paid my protection money to you recently?"
Metal Man (GM): There's grates and a mini-pit, all the excess is draining into there.
Metal Man (GM): Still, if you want Coffee, you might want somebody to smack the machine into functioning.
Digifanatic: "Or not...never noticed that before..." *checks out the coffee machine.*
Metal Man (GM): The stuff that's running off is likely to be watery and lukewarm. Digi's device indicates the coffee machine has been set on the hidden setting 'Overflow everywhere.'
Deloth: *Sheesh, is EVERYTHING complicated nowadays?*
Digifanatic: *He sets it back to normal* "That should do it."
Metal Man (GM): The coffee machine stops overloading and makes perfectly normal, hot coffee.
Dragoshi: *Facepalms. Throws the tray away, and walks back to R&R to open up his own present, because seriously now.*
Julian: *Julian gets up and shadowboxes a bit to get a good feel for the gloves.* "Bit heavier than my Everlasts...I dunno, Ari. How much you got?"
Deloth: "Phew... I owe you one."
Aribar whistles innocently and goes to hide behind the couch. Again.*
Metal Man (GM): Dragoshi opens his gift and finds a large loaf of sourdough bread... ...it's like a club, but nobody's likely to realize it. The grooves in the bread match your hand too.
Deloth grabs a cup, fills it, and zooms back to the kitchen where the steak is.
Metal Man (GM): It's some freakish French-Bread Sourdough abomination. Long enough to be a club, but thick enough to bash like a pool pontoon. Only thicker.
Dragoshi: "..." *Starts practicing his swings with it. Because literal running gag.*
Deloth then looks for one more simple thing... a pen and paper.
Dragoshi: *Decides to practice on the remnants of the giftbox the bread came from with the bread club of +5 awesome.*
Metal Man (GM): Deloth finds a pen and paper.
Alex Fender: "ME!" *leaps out of the box that Deloth just opened.*
Metal Man (GM): It appears Deloth has also found Alex Fender.
Alex Fender: *grins cheekily with the item in question that Deloth got for a gift perched on top of his head.*
Digifanatic: "Were you really that comfortable in there with that sword?!"
Julian: "...The hell."
Alex Fender: "Oh, I get comfortable in all SORTS of positions!"
Digifanatic: "Alright, then..."
Alex Fender: "...what's with all the boxes?"
Alex Fender: "...is it moving day?"
Dragoshi: "No." *Continues practicing with the breadclub.*
Alex Fender: "...is it... throw stuff at Dragoshi Day?"
Julian: "Close enough."
Aribar crawls out from behind the couch.* "... He... Has bread?"
Alex Fender: "SWEET!"
Dragoshi: *Stops before he breaks something. Like, I don't know, a teacup on a saucer made out of twisted candy canes with mints in it? :/ >_>*
Alex Fender: *grabs an a apple, and tosses it at Dragoshi.*
Dragoshi: *And, Dragoshi's response is to dance around the apple. Because yes. <_>* "Anyway, it's Christmas and there should be a box for you. Open it and stuff." >_>
Alex Fender: "IT'S CHRISTMAS?!??!"
Alex Fender: "HOLY CRAP ON A CROUTON!"
Aribar: "Sadly, yes."
Alex Fender: *leaps into the wrapping paper around the tree, if there is one, digging for his own gift.*
Deloth grabs said pen and paper, writes a quick explanatory note to Santa that they were out of milk and cookies but here's a steak and coffee instead, heads back to the kitchen, tosses the note next to said steak and coffee, then heads back to the others. Phew.
Metal Man (GM): Alex picks up a large box and it falls open. A high-end Fender guitar falls right out of it immediately. Luckily, it has padding so it doesn't KO him.
Deloth: "Since when did Fender get here?"
Aribar: "... Why do you have a steak and a cup of coffee?"
Digifanatic: .oO(Oh no.)
Deloth: "See, I left them... in..." *runs back to the kitchen, grabs the stuff, runs back to the main room with the presents and the tree and the pokey and the guy with the thing and the fraagh fragh fragh and slaps them down onto the table.*
Metal Man (GM): I should make a revised Santa Claus song. "He knows where guitars which can kill people are sold, he eats steak instead of cookies, he travels through the past, to get you a new grindstone."
Metal Man: "Okay... might as well open my gift. Who knows what I will get?"
Julian: "...Del. Santa came yesterday."
Metal Man opens up a weird box, and out pops... ..a silver rifle which actually matches his armor.
Alex Fender: *...let's his jaw drop a the guitar on his head. A 1976 Fender Stratocaster with a green and black swirl finish, made in the style of FLCL, which means that it's solid enough to swing, has the built in speaker for the soundwave attacks, and his Overdrive Pull Starter.*
Deloth: "...he what?"
Metal Man: "Hm. I never thought about that... guess I won't be using those non-matching AK-47s anymore."
Julian: "How you think the presents got here, genius?"
Metal Man peers down the scope of his rifle. "Well, I can always tell him to come and pick that steak up while you're asleep."
Deloth: "But he might show up here again today!"
Dragoshi: *Looks at the steak and coffee* "'......"
Metal Man: "Ever since we beat up Team Rocket, he's been rather handy when it comes to comms."
Alex Fender: "....WHOO!!!" *dances about with his new guitar.*
Deloth: "...Hey, Drago, that's SANTA's steak. Don't look at it like that."
Dragoshi: "Why am I reminded of that one Christmas..."
Deloth: "Or does that strange look mean something else?"
Aribar: "Santa's smart enough to know not to show up here again! Especially now that I'm armed with the SCARF OF THE GODS!"
Deloth: "What one Christmas? What am I missing here?"
Alex Fender: "With this thing, I can do my most favoritest song ever!"
Metal Man checks the gun. "Hmm... everything I could want. Even locks into my armor properly. And such. Weird, I don't get presents usually." *Shrugs* "Any way, Merry Christmas. Oh! And some news..."
Dragoshi: "What's the news, Metal?"
Metal Man: "The tournament shall begin soon. First, will call for those who signed up, then others can join... the structure will then be assigned, and then we can see who can kick the most butt. It's planned to become a yearly thing... the Year End Quester Battle Royal. This year the stand-in for the champion shall be Ganondorf. The winner shall fight him. Naturally he's agreed to hold back on the death magic... although with the book gone, he seems much more normal. The tournament shall be three rounds: The first is qualifying, a massive round-robin. To qualify, you must show you're able to beat more people than average. The winners from that go into an elimination battle based on their rank in the round-robin one."
Dragoshi: *Looks at Del* "Well, five or so years ago, there was this one Christmas. Alexia, being the nine she was ate the milk and cookies that were left out for Santa. So, she decides to get a steak and a pot of coffee and put on the table in place of the cookies and milk." *Dragoshi would then look back at Metal* "Sounds fun." *being.
Metal Man: "Finally, the winner of that is qualified to defeat Ganondorf. The champion gets an allotment of coins, a shiny belt, and the bragging rights. Of course, next year they must fight whoever wins the tournament to keep their championship."
Deloth: "...Seriously, Drago?"
Aribar: "Hrm... I'm going to have to win just to get a shot at Ganondorf."
Metal Man: "If they vanish and are unavailable within about three months of the end of the second round, the two higher qualifiers fight one another instead."
Dragoshi: "...Seriously, Del."
Metal Man: "Either way. This should answer Julian's want for tournaments and also ensure we have a real title... we've been fighters forever, but all this time it's been an unspoken claim."
Deloth: "I wonder how she's doing by now... anyways."
Deloth snaps himself back to reality and focuses back on Metal.
Metal Man: "Of course, I'll participate myself... non-normal Questers are handicapped appropriately so it's a fair fight. Which means me and any Smashers who join in. Of course, win or lose, the highest ranking Quester gets a separate reward if they don't manage to win the championship."
Alex Fender: "That sounds like something I'd love to do!"
Julian: "Fair enough."
Digifanatic: "I thought I signed up already, but put me in if this is something else."
Alex Fender: "Yeah, me too! Sign me up! I'll blast some peoples in the face with the RAAAAWK!!"
Metal Man: "This is the same thing."
Digifanatic: "Okay, good. Just sounded different."
Dragoshi: "'Kay, then."
Metal Man: "Role call will begin in a day or two, and thus we'll see who's here and ready. We'll have to clean up the Christmas decorations first, you see."
Digifanatic: "Better be no Metal Sonic."
Aribar: "Bah.. If I recall correctly, Metal Sonic's been easy to beat in past tourneys."
Deloth: "Eh. If he comes again, we're ready for him."
Metal Man: "Metal Sonic was banned forever following his conduct years past, and if he does appear he will have to follow the rules or be disqualified."
Digifanatic: "Okay, good."
Metal Man: "Any way, enjoy Christmas... no evil or big bads today. I'll probably begin the role call soon. Merry Christmas." Metal Man walks off, ostensibly to prepare the tournament paperwork.
Aribar: "What about Goombas? They banned?"
Metal Man: "Goombas???"
Metal Man: "If they joined in, they'd probably get squished."
Aribar: "Aye! Will they be represented?"
Aribar: "Ah.. How sad."
Digifanatic: "To Metal's bit."
Julian: "If they can make it to the round-robin, sure."
Metal Man: "They might have a representative... but the amount of battles that might become necessary means we'll be sticking to Questers and a few non-Quester representatives."
Digifanatic: "Yeah, that sounds like a good idea."
Metal Man (GM): Metal Man then wanders off... This shall be the Christmas without some villain sabotaging it. Yay!
Deloth flops down onto the couch. "Never before have I ran so quickly for a steak and coffee that nobody's gonna eat."
Digifanatic: "Well, I hope we all like what we've got. Good luck in the tournament, everybody."
Aribar: "... Well, you could eat it."
Deloth: "But it's for Santa! He'll KNOW if I eat it."
Aribar: "Which would go against your record more? Wasting food and drink when there are starving people in the world, or eating it and knowing it was meant for Santa? ... Or your could go to the North Pole and give it to him."
Deloth: "...Good idea. Julian, can I borrow your car?"
Digifanatic: "Hate to break it to you, but I doubt he'd let you."
Deloth: "Well, there's gotta be SOME way to get there."
Aribar: "Yeah, it isn't like we live in the age where we can warp there via magic or technology."
Deloth: "I can't open a warp! I don't know how!"
Aribar: "Oh, come on. You're a technological-minded person."
Deloth: "...Well, I suppose it's worth a try."
Deloth heads to the warp room.
Digifanatic: *to Ari* "Dude, I think he's going to have to warp dimensions and such to pull this off...and we know what happened last time Deloth did this."
Aribar: "Bah, I bet it's as easy to operate as a coffee maker."
Deloth: "Okay, let's try... this." *pushes a bunch of random buttons.*
Digifanatic: *laughs* "Nice one."
Deloth continues confusedly pushing buttons at random.
Aribar: *Deloth explodes!*
Aribar: *Aribar then goes behind the couch and falls asleep!*
Deloth staggers back into the main room. "That... didn't go so well."
Digifanatic: "Huh...maybe Metal or Snake left some behind while we weren't aware of it. One of those guys."
Deloth: "Uh-huh. Now then..." *falls face-first onto the floor.*
And with that... Merry Christmas!