Super Smash Quest - Story - SSQ 1 Book 1 Commentary

So... to celebrate 17 years of SSQ, here's a summary of all that happened in Book 1 of SSQ 1. Seasons 1-6 are dealt with here, as well as some OOC shenanigans of the era.

As you might expect, it's a doozy, but I managed to make two versions: the short version, and the short but still long version. Enjoy! (Maybe)


There was a Stadium named Super Smash Brothers Melee Stadium. It was made by a Wolf Reploid (think super-advanced robot with human-level sentience) named Wolfman. There was a labor dispute between the bad guys and the good guys. Wolfman used a fighter remote to give the fighting moves of everyone, including (and especially) anyone who protested to fans so they could act as stand-ins. The bad guys reacted about as well as you could expect.

A huge war began and many fans and "bad guys" died (in a video gamey sense, anyways, though some ACTUALLY DIED) over the course of months. The bad guys desperately wanted to erase the illicitly copied moves. In the end, they succeeded by using a bioweapon named "Slytock." They were blown up for their trouble, but they took the Stadium with them.

Wolfman quit and let his alter ego Toad-dude / SSS runner VGW Man run the Stadium instead. Illogically all the stolen moves showed up again, only now with selectable power levels and MP, er, SP costs. The war resumed as if the previous one hadn't happened. This time, it was mostly run by vampires. The fans, er, "Questers" went to slay the vampires, and they did succeed.

But inside the lair of even Quester Hunting vampires was a red mage from Final Fantasy IX named Kuja who hunted the Questers and killed them. For real, this time. He went to then end this nonsense by destroying the Stadium, but SOMEONE (nobody is certain who) stopped him and sealed him in the "X-Zone." (Location unknown.)

The survivors of the previous war, including one named 'Metal', a man seemingly made out of Metal, took over for VGW Man. New Questers were drafted into the war effort, and immediately Smithy attacked. It wasn't over the moves, for whatever reason.

So the next-gen Questers used moves based on cubes of elemental power to then destroy Smithy and his gang. And also used a spherical cube of illogical death fired out of a cannon to destroy Metal Sonic. Why Not?

The War Over Moves And Also The Planet should have stopped. Instead, dead and/or defeated people from the past/video games you might know came back to life and called themselves Apocalypse Group / Thirteen Gentlemen / Whatever Else Sounds Edgy. The evil undead attacked mercilessly until one Ivan Robotnik, Uncle of the one from the video games, came in and restored order by collecting all the artifacts from all the video game realms of the planet and then accidentally summoned an evil sentient plot hole named The Void who the Questers then killed and ended up sending themselves 1 year into the future via a coma with.

...Do NOT question that sentence, that's as sane as it gets for that era. Anyway, Grunty the Hag used this time to destabilize the economy of the planet (now called "Nintopia"). You know the drill. The Questers detonated a giant nuclear destruction device in her Keep and rendered it unlivable. But it wasn't over! Fans of Kuja as well as remnants of previous bad guy factions revived Kuja, and used ancient nonsensical 'plot' about how "Nintopia" came to be in order to trick the Questers into re-summoning Kuja. Then, once again, Kuja killed all the Questers.

Everyone was so dead, they ended up in another dimension on a planet filled with lizard people. The leader of the Lizard People, Kales, tricked the Questers into getting all of the strangely familiar relics in the ruins, and revealed the ruins were parts of the Stadium. He went to kill the Questers with a staff made out of said relics, but the Questers beat him down and sealed him away, and regained their relics -- and their friends, the Smashers (the staff of said Stadium who'd been turned into statues.)

10 years had passed due to time shenanigans. The Questers returned to Nintendus and then beat up Kuja's Commanders. One of his Commanders, Gerald Robotnik, betrayed him. As a result, the Questers got all the Chaos Emeralds and went super. Kuja expected this and went to use their powers to power his own "Dimensional Cannon" to conquer all realities. Instead, the Questers and the Metal Man who now called himself Illian blew him to kingdom come, then exploded his kingdom too. Then The Void, Xalron, Sardis Mongul, and other things you don't know the backstory to either all showed up and threw a dance party, if dance parties involve edgy plot reveals, lasers, and people dying at random. The planet, now called Nintendus, exploded and re-formed, and there was no more of Kuja's stuff anymore.

The Questers took a well deserved rest, and it seemed like it was all over.

Thus, the first Book (and first Melee Move War) was FINALLY concluded.


This is too long to place in here, so I placed it into here.

Plot Analysis

Ah, Seasons 1-6. A group that through my artistic selection, appears to go together, but actually they have nothing in common. Let me explain.

Season 1: Wolfman's Game. He planned to end it here, but it continued one more.

Season 2: Nick Caligo's Game. He planned it out, got half-way, then his Kuja plot was 'too dark' for Wolfman (who acted as president / editor) and was shut down awkwardly by Wolfman. I had to make up a plot to explain how it happened ICly, because their argument meant NO IN-GAME REASON WAS EVER MADE.

DARK AGES: A whole lot of bad plots and failed attempts by me, Nick, and other GMs not really worth mentioning here at all. Just know they existed, and if any are worth talking about, they'll be re-mentioned again... some day... by me.

Season 2.5: Metal's First Official Game. After all the failures, I opted to re-continue main SSQ. It was... messy, but generally considered good enough (at least by me, but also even by Nick and Wolfman, sort of) to be 'canon.'

Season 3: Metal's Decided To Do Dark Ages IN SSQ: A chaotic mess barely resembling anything. So messy, I doubt even now it makes any sense.

Season 4: Nick Caligo and Wolfman re-rail the game to a Plot After Metal's Insanity: In what was the last time Nick managed to really contribute to this game, he managed to help guide the game back onto a plot. Wolfman also helped. I appreciate the help, though I wish myself I hadn't made a freakish 80 chapter season. Good lord.

Season 5: Metal's First Non-Fanfic Game. In that the plot was mostly made from my mind, with Nick acting as an editor. This made the basis for most of my future games that weren't video game themed, and is the most memorable to me, to date. I plan to follow it up with my new game, Scavenger. It's really what I'd rather be doing. SSB was popular at the time and I used to really like it, but the interest has worn off in that by now.

Season 6: The Fated Conclusion. Nick wants to shoehorn his own game/Star Ocean 3 into SSQ and/or end SSQ 1 to promote his own replacement(s) for it. I said no, drama occurs, he leaves, I finish the game by myself. Other drama also occurs as outside forces don't like the fact SSQ does well. They also fall down. The game concludes, but I'm left dissatisfied by the ending, leading to Book 2.

The 7-ish games are glued together in the intent of telling a cohesive narrative, but it hardly is such. Still, I'll try and give my analysis.

The game was about the struggle between Wolfman, budding Fighting Arena proprietor, and some staff he didn't get along with. Said staff had powers of darkness, so he should have seen it coming. What made matters worse was... these evil villains had a point. Their likenesses and information had been stolen by Wolfman, and he had reacted simply with "I will send my superpowered teenage soldiers to kill you!" Well, yeah, geez. Who wouldn't want to riot and cause a revolution to counter that?

Wolfman steadfastly ignored this and then quit the moment his Stadium was destroyed by his own inexperienced soldiers by accident. And his replacement, VGW Man, had already done this whole rigamarole before: essentially he ran the Super Smash Stadium, some staff members disagreed, then he just left. Yet he ran the Stadium anyways, and proceeded to make matters worse by encouraging talk of 'holes between worlds' -- essentially, dimensional transport between worlds.

It grew outside of VG's control in an instant. With the powerful Kuja completely out of place in this medium-power universe, everyone was doomed. Not to worry though, mysterious forces related to events way further out in SSQ's history intervened.

With Kuja dealt with, the new head of the Stadium had different ideas. Metal did not really care about a fighting Stadium. Neither did his foes, who were Smithy and co. Ultimately the plot had morphed, and nobody was worried about copied moves anymore, except maybe Revenant Ruvyn (who was then ignored.) The new battlefield was simply... the entire planet. The Stadium was forgotten and things just grew more and more in scale.

Wolfman and VG returned, but were unable to stop the constant battles. The entire dimension, including the planet "Nintendus" everyone was on, became engulfed in combat. This combat broke reality itself. Then the Void showed up... and was thankfully dealt with.

Of course that wasn't the end. The endless battles kept going. To make matters worse, Metal Man, aka "Xavier", traded out with "Illian MacGregor", his evil mentor. Said mentor quickly got things under control by intentionally wrecking the world so he could eventually kill Kuja. Nice. Along the way some lizardmen were defeated.

Kuja was killed, The Void showed up and Illian literally stole his powers (claiming he and The Void were one and the same -- nice try, cheater), and thus the first Book was over. Yup, the first. The interdimensional fighting hadn't ended yet.

Book 1 describes what happens when superpowers aren't controlled in any way, in a world with no real central powers of any kind, and no positive mentor figure to go, "Please stop this." It's all united on the idea that when people have only power and no sense to go with it, they do whatever they feel like -- and mess up the entire world. Seems rather succinct, if rather convoluted due to how many different ways the theme occurred.

It was also the first game. So don't really blame it too much for having little philosophical content. Everyone was rather young and it was all done just for fun. Thus a lot of the madness was really more a function of changing tastes. Everything was the game of the moment -- even Kuja was victim to becoming out of date, and it required my insistence that switching to Star Ocean 3 mid-sprint would have been a rather bad idea. Indeed it would have been. Imagine my commentary. "We built up to a fight with Kuja, but then suddenly, THIS DUDE SHOWS UP INSTEAD" -- okay it could have been fun if it were better supported by foreshadowing, but zero of that. Now if it had been Ansem I could have made an exception -- he was foreshadowed and then never used.

Similarly, my own plots to try to be original were thwarted by Nick. In the end that was probably for the best, not because of him being correct, but because my plots weren't ready yet. Though he seemingly wished to prevent me from ever using my original ideas in SSQ, all he really did was accidentally force me to make them more refined before using them. So I did. By the time I had full power to use them, they were far better than they could have been earlier.

So in the end, the political struggle over Book 1... was something that helped forge later SSQ. It was a victim of the struggle, but, a necessary one. There is no way my ideas were fully baked this early. Neither was Star Ocean 3 going to be a good idea unless we'd actually had Star Ocean 2's run in the Dark Ages become canon. Then it would have set up an actual progression that made sense. Sadly, sense was not what people wanted, but rather, RANDOM BATTLING... so it's not like it'd have had the best effect anyways.

There is also an element of "I told you so" in this writing of sorts. It's due to the fact that at the time, people kept telling me my ideas couldn't work, that I couldn't run a game, that SSQ would "die" as early as Season 2. Well. If any of those people are even around, I'd love to see their faces when they see how much has occurred between then and now. "Dead" right?

Me and Nick had these ancient OOC things we wrote where we described how the random drama and nonsense occurred back in the day, but with how things turned out I've seen that to be a silly anachronism. What happened that long ago OOCly doesn't matter anymore. And even if it did... events that happened later made literally all of it pointless. An indicative sample: There was an 'Anti-Klumsy' group that were against Nick. I stopped them. But then years later it was me who ultimately told him I wasn't going to use his Star Ocean 3 plot, and thus, he left. He did return on and off, but that was ultimately the point where things ended as far as him controlling the game's plot 100%. So in the end, all of the older drama stuff was made irrelevant by the later stuff...

Then of course, beyond this era, he came and went some more and then left for entirely different reasons, whatever his life may have led him to do next, it invalidated whatever had happened before even further. And that's just one person. If I went to do the trace of how it went for the others, we'd be here forever and learn little to nothing.

So I guess if I am to analyze all of Book 1, I'd say it's a big hodgepodge of mismatched material. The mismatched material shares a few things in common about fighting, worlds, and the planet 'Nintendus' (but let me tell you, nobody agreed how to GM the 'planet' to the point as late as Season 6 there were still huge disagreements as to whether it was a planet or an infinite 'realm.') And so, there isn't a lot to analyze, except for maybe the themes.

But even those are all over the place. Season 1 shows the folly of the entire endeavor of trying to do anything. Season 2 indicates whoever you fight, somebody tougher will kill you. Season 2.5 counters that with the thought that you actually can march in and destroy your hated enemy. Zuh??? Season 3 then counters again, suggesting everything is madness. Season 4 once again repeats that it's all hopeless, then Season 5 and 6 both show that you can overcome adversity, even if it's against an evil planet-controlling God-man. So it's less of a consistent message and more of a cycle.

To be sure, the Questers changed. The "Doomed Original Questers" kept dying over and over again. Not because of their fault, per se. There were over 40 of them so in theory they should have won through sheer numbers. But Wolfman and Nick always kept GMing games where the players were doomed or died. Then, the "New Generation" (ha ha, new as in new to us then, by now they're ancient) Questers, who included people like Yurie, Razor, and Garrick, didn't die so easily. They were joined by the "Late Era" Questers, who came in late in Book 1 and added some flavor / context, but were too late to change too much about what was going on. Ultimately, it was the Late Era group's joining that helped turn the tides, but mostly because there were once again enough Questers, and those who were here now were much stronger than, say, the Original Questers.

I guess I'd like this mess to make more sense, but no matter how hard I squeeze it, it's... what happened. The original controversy in the original story was totally forgotten. The interdimensional invaders wanted to win a battle that was irrelevant to Wolfman copying copy-protected fighter moves. And even though it peripherally acknowledged the story, Kuja couldn't care less about whether or not 'The Fighters from the Worlds' were allowed to fight eachother. In the end, Wolfman's vague little battles over a fighting Stadium became a footnote in a monstrous cross-world wrestling match of doom.

Similarly, The Void also made no sense. He had no origin; he had no goal. All he ever did was be powerful and corrupt and destroy things. What was I thinking? Mostly that I needed him as a sledgehammer to smash plot things that were stupid. But others in turn deemed him a threat to their plots, so he was constantly being 'sealed away' only to show up again. The pity was, if only I'd been able to fully use him -- it'd have sucked, and I'd have willingly stopped using him.

Similarly, Dr. Robotnik and the Sonic characters all showed up since I wanted to reference all that in MY SSQ, but not so many others agreed. So back and forth he went, similarly used as a 'sign of the times' to point out 'deficits in my GMing' when in reality, it was just another character. I mean, Nick brought in Kuja, so why couldn't I use Robotnik? The answer: Hidden elitism which took until Season 6 to wear off. I was new to GMing, so people suspected I couldn't handle properly doing, well... anything. Sometimes they were right, but... handicapping me to the point I could only repeat what others did would have only helped confirm their suspicions and prevented me from progressing. So you know. It wasn't like they were too interested in letting me progress. Since once I got far enough, those who doubted me mysteriously left -- it seems they were hoping that I'd fail so they could take over and show how 'good' they were at this. Heh. Nice laugh, that.

Word Map (Made by Wordle)

Ah, this... I had to spend an inordinate amount of time on this. You know. When you've had so much disparate text? You have to bolster how it shows the words in the smaller seasons to match the bigger ones. I also broke out Season 2 as separate from 2.5 due to the shift in logging format. It was only fair, so we could have it referenced in here rather than forgotten. So then! What about it all, do you think? We have a nice cross-Season cast listing here.

Metal Man, Mewtwo, Kuja, Aribar, Charles, Garrick, Wolfman, Razor, Aetos, Alys, Zio, Gibby, Julian, Oak, Digifanatic, VG, Yurie, Sky (High), Star (Steel), Panzer, Link, Mario, Deloth, Bowser, and the Sword of Light to name most of them. Quite a motley crew, don't you think? Would have been interesting had they all been in one season, but it was not to be; depending on which Season you read, some or most of them are missing. The truth was, the SSQ Game had a rickety cast, and so it was really rare to have many of the strongest members around at once. Most eras were swinging back and forth between being dominated by one group of people or another, and without much balance. Therefore, you see really huge words for a few--e.g. Mewtwo, Aribar, Alys, Garrick, Charles, Metal Man, Wolfman, Zio; these people completely sucked up all the oxygen when in the room and tended to have plots all about them. Especially given as they were the ones who got the most said about them -- this list tends to be about who had the most SAID about them, not who did the most ACTIONS, as one tries to figure out the plot of SSQ in condensed word form by seeing who was mentioned the most often.

Also, a moment to laugh at how Grunty and the 'main' plot of Season 3 doesn't make it here. We get at least Bowser, one of the original protagonists, but we barely see any Season 2 stuff either. How... intriguing. You could almost say that Season 2 gets lost in the shuffle. Since it had no unifying ideas, nobody really gets represented other than the Questers. And even then, mostly because the important ones either were big in Season 1, or subsequent Seasons; those who were Season 2 only... even I don't remember them, to be honest.

Of course, I found an old document that can help us remember, so I figured I'd include it here. It remembers what I don't, being written in 2009. I edited it a bit because I don't consider Nick as great as I did back then, and neither do I feel so great about Wolfman. Or past me. It was nearly 20 years ago, so I'm not going to mince words like I would have back then. But old me remembered some critical points about... the very thing we're talking about right here, so here you go!

SSQ: A Retrospective (2009 Perspective with 2019 Editing)

I have been GM at SSQ for nearly 6 years and counting so far (Editor's note: Current me has been at it for 17+ years), and in my travel through time I have seen many things. Unfortunately, I have also been one of the few to stick around all this time, and so the information about these things are limited. So I have decided to compile a sort of 'living memory' of what was, is, and might be when it comes to SSQ. (Editor's Note: Ran out of steam after doing Season 2. But very useful to place into this commentary, because I just so happen to have forgotten about it in the intervening 10 years.)


Once upon a time in the world you and I live in, there was some players of an RPG named Maverick Hunters, or MavHunt for short. They used the incredibly weird and backwards 'Advanced Dungeons and Dragons' system and originally began sometime in 1996-1998, lasting up until mid-2004. They were all about Mega Man X, and couldn't be more different than SSQ: Missions strictly followed the games of MMX, sometimes to such an extent all the experienced players would just run directly for the upgrades. This and more went on, but of course, it is not my place to comment on it, for I wasn't there.

...One day, the group at this RPG were testing out things in their 'holo-room', an idea which was in turn borrowed from Star Trek. This idea, which would resurface just as quickly in SSQ, was how SSQ came to be.

Three players, Wolfman, Nick "Klumsy Koopa" Caligo, and Panzer had chosen to run a simulation of Super Smash Brothers in it. And, for some reason, it clicked. Of course, three players, two of those also being GMs, could not make an RPG. But Wolfman had an idea.

Wolfman was the leader of the popular Super Smash Brothers fanfic site named SSS; there, he was called 'VGW Man' and had the most powerful character in the entire fanfic. He had taken control of it after Kyle and some others had failed to keep it going. Under his leadership, it had become moderately successful, and had quite a large fandom considering its obscurity.

Of course, there was a lurking danger inside all this success--in order to make it successful, Wolfman gave unprecedented access to the story and control over message board affairs to select people he called "SPs"--Superpowers. Originally they gave variety to the story and balanced Wolfman's otherwise somewhat plain jane writing, but the power quickly went to their heads. Worse, some of the 'fans' themselves weren't fans--but rather bad guys, trolls, the sort of nasty people you'd never want to meet.

In a stable community, the leader is able to deal with their underlings, however Wolfman didn't even bother. So they all got out of control and Wolfman did nothing about it. He himself only did things that pleased his own wishes, which then also ticked off all his underlings. Thus, everybody began acting terrible to eachother, as angry teenagers do. All this had gotten to Wolfman, and soon, he didn't want any more to do with this creation. So he left rather than deal with the problems that were partially his own creation. Despite this, he still was in good credit with the administrators of Super Mario Brothers HQ, whom had allowed him to take it over in the first place. He also had a few friends among the SPs and fans of SSS.

So he took his fanbase and tempted fate yet again with a new idea. A spiritual sequel to SSS, named 'Super Smash Quest.' He built a website quite quickly, and then the story began. His timing was but perfect--a catastrophic server crash, combined with the person who had been chosen to replace VGW Man going AWOL had all but destroyed SSS after Wolfman left. (Then, years later, it would return and then die shortly after due to how boring the Subspace Emissary was. Or at least, that's my opinion. Maybe it was just everyone leaving fansites in general?)

The Carbon Copy Of A Video Game Stadium

Wolfman sought to avoid the mistakes of the past with this new Stadium: clearly, the SPs had gone out of control, and there had been too many of them. And he did nothing about it but complain, then run away. So rather than make SSQ a land ruled by many commanders and few soldiers, Wolfman made Nick his second in command (and tasked him as an enforcer, to do all that 'fighting unruly people' he himself refused to do) and then set about GMing for his new IRC RPG, and abstained from creating any other staff members henceforth.

The system was complex and weird, as fit Wolfman's personal interests at the time. It was AD&D (Advanced Dungeons and Dragons, aka D&D 2nd Edition) with all kinds of weird character stat numbers, like THAC0. Charts and charts and charts denoted various melee moves, and one could spend hours just learning the system. In the end, some actual people suffered through this process and were initiated as Questers. In fact, quite a few did.

Wolfman's humble little RPG grew and grew, assisted by NC and SMBHQ's bolstered popularity. At one time, the room had nearly 40 people in it. Missions became so large that after the 8th person joined in, the other 4-5 (later-arriving) people would have to wait until next mission to join in!

Wolfman logged every mission right after it was done, even abstaining from starting a new mission if he hadn't logged the previous one. As a result, we have a semi-detailed collection of logs in his own words on what happened during this time. It is only through these logs that I know what was going on before I joined--some of the details I mentioned here came from them. In particular, Wolfman's disappointment with SSS. (Then me, Editor's Note from 10 years later, added some truth to it, because others from that time handed me more details that Wolfman had conveniently overlooked.)

It was far from perfect, though. Player character attacks were restricted to moves from Super Smash Brothers: Melee--no other choices existed. One of Wolfman's original picks for a player, "Ruvyn", preferred to break the system rather than play fairly. But since SSQ was not SSS, Ruvyn would not have his way in the end. He was ultimately forced to change characters repeatedly, and his tricks were often banned from play upon being discovered.

Another member named Sky High caused various little intrigues occurred. He did nothing but get in trouble and annoy people. He was variously banned and let in over and over again.

In the end (towards the end of "Season 1", how they called campaigns in SSQ back then), something had to give. The overly restrictive system stifled players' roleplaying abilities. Although it had been improved by being moved further away from "true" AD&D (it was simplified later on), and Nick had introduced level ups via threatening to leave if they hadn't been added... players were still doing little more than picking one of their four-ish moves and going "I attack with ". New moves from outside of SSB:M had given some relief, but... they just as quickly began another process that would end the concept of SSQ Wolfman had built.

Chaotic Downfall

Cracks began to appear in Wolfman's weak management, both in and out of character. In character, the phonily "in-control and powerful" Wolfman was replaced with the honest but even more error-prone symbol of SSS' destruction, VGW Man. Final Fantasy bosses and anime antagonists randomly creeped in via Nick's sessions, now that Nick GMed on a more regular basis. On the side, Wolfman's sessions became more and more infrequent, and more boring.

The surge from NC/SMBHQ ended. Those who were still around fought amongst themselves for the diminishing number of sessions that still occurred. The system changed about to allow weapons and 'Level 10 Bonuses', which opened the door for potential character customization. In the future, this would be fully realized and save SSQ. But in this era, all it did was allow for more chaos, as some players would leap up dramatically in power, while others got almost nothing at all for their bonus.

Items flew out and about; doubler (an item that allowed people to have two characters ala the Ice Climbers) and transformer (an item that let people swap between two characters ala Zelda and Sheik) abuse caused characters who were far more powerful than what the system anticipated. As sessions grew more and more infrequent, the players became more unruly.

Nick made himself highly unpopular, for he harshly punished anyone who disagreed with him. It was that way, regardless of whether they broke rules or not. All that mattered to him at the time was being in control--as he could not take people challenging his authority. Whatever the case, something snapped one day and a group of players created their own channel and room to hate on him. Wolfman was stymied, for this was no easier to deal with than the SSS "crisis" he'd fled from. Nick on the other hand wanted to ban these people, or at least, I think he did. The genuine rule-breakers would have deserved it, but the people who merely disagreed with him should have been handled separately.

This is where I, Metal Man, came in. I was a random voyager who mostly joined due to being a loyal SMBHQ viewer (NC in specific). I had been in the background, doing nothing important, when this cropped up. I just wanted there to be more sessions, and couldn't have cared less for the channel politics (and, unfortunately, didn't even care either way about enforcing rules!). So I just went nuts and yelled at these people in their channel--they were getting in the way of more sessions. And that was all I cared about at the time.

Surprisingly, they all fled and the anti-Nick channel died completely, saving SSQ from premature destruction. Things settled down as Nick swapped from attacking players to creating his first mega-story: The Quester Hunters and the battle against them. Here it was: the penultimate plot. Wolfman's plots had only concerned the Stadium. Wolfman's plots also involved nothing more than episodic content. In hindsight, he was very smart to do so, considering the mess that followed... but in this era, Nick's continuous plots had the players all hooked. (The value in these can be seen today; just witness how the Marvel Cinematic Universe worked so well on the same principle of continuity.)

Slowly he unveiled how the Quester Hunters were actually pawns of an out-of-world interloper--Kuja. And this Kuja had destroyed his home realm--so he had come here. Tricking the Questers into reviving him, he then blew the Questers apart, leaving few standing.

Here, however, the very foundations of the game split apart. Wolfman demanded such drastic destruction be stopped, while Nick had more and more plans on what Kuja would do, ones that would stretch to the stars themselves. A compromise was made, however, and Kuja was anticlimactically imprisoned in Alys' transformer before he could blow up the Stadium and announce his world domination plans.

But deprived of this, the RPG could no longer stand. Wolfman's sessions were uninspired and boring at this point--he was most likely worn out, not to mention College for him loomed on the horizon. He held a series of mock missions to find his replacement--and so the end was near for the Wolfman-Nick regime. Besides, Wolfman had seen SSQ as potentially ending for good. He didn't really have interest in it continuing.

The Mad Interloper

Prior to this, I had been running a completely off-the-walls insane RPG named #Meh. It featured the following: Team Rocket attacking with ion-cannon guns and rubber tanks, Sephiroth dying every episode, sessions where characters sat down and watched events of SSQ instead of doing anything, constant Mr. T references, and millions of clones of Panzer.

Yet somehow that had prepared me enough that when these mock missions occured, mine was picked as one of the 'good' ones. Mostly I had run a Goldeneye mission which was good, but 'too much FPS' and 'too little SSB.' Those words once haunted me, but now I can't help but laugh at how it was me who outlasted everyone else. GM_Link, the erstwhile GM of a little Megaman Battle Network RPG, had also qualified. It was me against him.

Nick had chosen GM_Link first, for GM_Link was obviously more experienced (at that time). And I was little more than a madcap maniac in those days, babbling incoherently to myself and doing weird downtiming RPs where I set couches on fire. Yet Wolfman saw something in me, and, to Nick's disbelief, picked me over GM_Link.

That done, Wolf and Nick did their 'last session ever', a session which, thanks to it being the last session of Wolfman's career, had not been logged. As Wolfman saw no need to log anything unless another session was coming up. This session rehashed all the old Wolfman-Nick regime haunts, like talking Scottish gargoyles, quicksand, Dr. Wily, Ganondorf, Bowser, castles, and giant mega-merge bosses, along with a final trick where the Questers had to literally throw their fighter-remote imbued powers away and at the Wily-Bowser-Ganondorf monster to destroy it.

Then the game was mine. All mine. And I was just 14 years old, and had little to no clue what I was doing. So what did I do? Continue doing #Meh sessions, but with an SSQ twist. ...It didn't go well.

The Dark Ages

Wolfman and Nick left, and my thoughts alone were too scattered to do much. I couldn't write, I couldn't administrate, and I was just sort of left there looking kinda lost. Nobody showed me the ropes or anything--so I just had to try to find them in the dark.

And boy, was my writing completely insane / inane / stupid / ridiculous. Here's some samples.


"With Mr T driving and Ralg controlling the weapons system, the CAC 3.0 quickly took off. Ahead was Metal controlling his own CAC, and then a portal."


"Then.... Ralg found a panel with PzKw scribbled on it. He broke it open, and inside was.....


"It had been a million years since the destruction of SSQ, which was caused by a bomb that ended up destroying the evil with it. Now, John and Ralg returned, atop a tall, tall building."

"Then, a strange computer virus took over, and turned off EVERYTHING."

"nd out of the ruins came Wily, who was an astounding 1000 years old. John watched in horror as Ralg and Jeff flew away, trapped in Wily's space ship."

"Clarius wanted to get revenge on Jeff for making horrible noises with his ultra-powerful deathcannon.Then, Metal Sonic appeared and died at the hands of Jeff."

"With its great strength gone, and the upgrade it was guarding purloined, the Quest ended."

Nick also tried his hand at things, but it didn't go much better. I used to think he could write, but in the end, it read more like some sarcastic teenager's rendition of Captain N with bonus wish fulfillment. Maybe better in coherency, but, to modern eyes, it looks rather childish. Of course, to be entirely fair, I doubt he'd write anything like this today either. (It has been nearly twenty years, after all.)

"The entire ship rumbled and roared to life... and then... let out a little pussy fart from its engines and just kinda' crapped out. They'd forgotten to fill it with gas."

"Ganondorf simply gave an evil grin, chuckled, and went with him, giving Link a dastardly look. The two villains, luckily, were easily replaced by a pair of holograms made with their data from the previous Melee Tournament."

"Caligo, however, wouldn't give up so easily. "Well... the heroes are powerless to do anything.. so the natural course of action is to quit waiting around for Mario to save us and take care of this myself. Crystal!" he called to his wife and partner."

"Now, will anyone who is NOT afraid of small, chubby, yellow, electric, SICKENINGLY CUTE rats please step forward."

"As Yurie, Gujin, and James looked on at the struggle with the impeccably fast Ninja Goomba, mentioned above, they started to hear a low growl... turning around, they came face to face with a tremendous black and white Husky in full nickel armor, carrying the BIGGEST poleaxe they had ever seen." (Editor's note: Wait, did he accidentally predict a villain from Undertale almost 5 years before it existed???)
After Nick became disenchanted with casual vulgarity and capitalizing every other word, it was my turn to ruin English with nonsensical gibberish phrases.
"So, they searched for a button.. pressed it... and found 4 EXPENSIVE rupees."

"Chapter 7: Twoson Mission (AHHHHHHH!!!!!)"

"He transformed into the evil and nefarious Evil Ralg, complete with a fighter plane."

"The Duo was defeated, though, and Tec made X Li Phazer fall asleep. In desperation, Xulie leaped up, screamed "URTRA FUSION!", and morphed with X Li Phazer. The Creation? X Yulie Phazel, the final form of the giant monster."

Toad: "Uhhh... yes there is a present in here, Fox McCloud!"

"Together, they went out to fight yet more Dimenians. But it still wasn't over, even though they had killed all the monsters...

Apparently, a test subject had escaped"

???: "GIVE me the package."

"I'm talking from the SSS Defiance."
Nick things variously were proposed and failed, leaving this Dark Age era as one of hopeless confusion. As the last seasons died before they could be properly started, a few more weird things went on.

"Ruu suddenly realized she had forgotten something, and ran to her ship. She scared the toads away from it, and immediately produced.... a goldfish and sucker fish?"

"The paint morphed, transforming into... Tatanga? "Tatanga" shot Gujin, but was quickly defeated by Axe Raider, Hail of Lead, Fire Barrage, and finally, a punch to the noggin."

"and then Gujin began making a mistake he would regret. He grabbed Ruu by the tail, and then kicked tweeters away. He had already hurt many Shyguys earlier, but now he decided to attack birds. Needless to say, a large white flock of birds decided to start pecking him. He ran into the previous corridors, only adding to his misfortune by being pogo-sticked, stabbed, and knocked into. The relentless swarm chased him to the bridge, where Gujin was chased into the lava and never heard from, or seen again."

"He finished going to the arena. MrMonster and he met. They had known each other for a short while, but otherwise did not know too much else than names. A Toad popped out of a little door."
It went on beyond this, but that is almost all you need to know. The Dark Ages were a time of failure and insanity--nothing important, nor worth mentioning here, really happened. Indeed, it has become a muddy blur in my mind--because there was literally nothing to see here, except childish writing thrown at walls in the hope some of it would stick.

I guess I should give it a proper eulogy, though. Here it be, then: It was begun with the best of intentions, but created nothing but noise. Let us hope others see it and avoid making their own... Dark Ages.

The Return

Of course, if the Dark Ages was all there was, you wouldn't be reading this. No... something quite exciting (to the me in 2009 that wrote this) happened towards the end of these... 'Dark Ages.' Towards the end, it became obvious to me that nobody cared about my 'original' plots, and that Nick's plots COULD draw people, if used right. However, I wanted my own end on things, and so, a new invention was made.

First, I knew some old people loved Wolfman's plot, and I knew I could get Nick in on it if I resurrected his beloved old SSQ plots. Specifically, the ones Wolfman vetoed. Well, I didn't know it exactly, but, he was eager to help when I explained my new plan.

With the huge gap in time, we began anew; we set the new SSQ (of Season 2.5) in the old world, but it had been changed by the passage of time. The characters were about 50-50 new and old--and many of the new ones became a part of a sort of style change which forever altered the seasons after this new beginning.

It was simple. We made a new, drop-dead obvious plot where Smithy attacked, and went from there.

The Inability Of The Me From 2009 To Glorify Anything Beyond That Point

And then the me from 2009 ran out of gas and stopped writing. Well, what do you expect? The hopeful dialog doesn't hold up when you see what a mess it became later on. All the same, this gives you a better picture of what happened.

Later Season 2 OOC perspective: Smithy plot derailed by Kingdom Hearts via Nick. Random player, Locos, is allowed to become evil and do plot things for no reason. Nothing makes much sense. Smithy dies, then I place Metal Sonic in everything for no reason. WTF???

Season 3 OOC perspective: Teenager fighting drama. Room population drops to nil. Locos and Aribar are all the people sessioning. Stupid nonsense everywhere because though Nick wasn't the greatest, he did act as an editor when he was around--and he wasn't present for that game.

Season 4 OOC perspective: More Teenager fighting drama. People come back. Nick comes back. Plot is agreed upon. Game takes 85 chapters to do what could have been condensed to 25. SSS members try to screw with SSQ and get banned.

Season 5 OOC perspective: Even more drama. This time, additional dumb players join. Some are banned. Others (sigh) are not. Game is weirdly not SSB at all. Prototype of later session style I'd use way later. Lots of dead spots in the GMing. Eventually concludes.

Season 6 OOC perspective: Me vs. Nick Caligo drama. Eventual realization he wanted to control the game rather than share it. He left in disgust over Star Ocean 3 not being the main plot. I continued the original plot to the end, with bonus Dark Ages / dumb stuff that I always did back then. Game concludes on a strong footing, but, without any editors whatsoever, doomed to become completely bizarre and kinda dumb in ensuing Seasons.

Conclusion of this 2009 Thing Made By 2019 Me

Well, to put it in a nutshell, everything starts out idealistic, but in the end, decays to some extent. It wasn't too bad though, we got some decent plot in between... complete and utter chaos written by lunatics (mostly me, with guest star Locos Docos, and rare inputs from Nick, and the boring original series done by Wolfman). But still, it is good that I found this old document. Really gives the context I didn't have before. Hopefully it helps you understand why everything is so weirdly disconnected in these old things.

Cast (In order of Appearance)

Hoo boy, an entire BOOK's worth of these...

Mario - Smasher - Began this entire Mess
Bowser - Smasher / Villain - Never Stopped Fighting
Parakarry - Mail Carrier - Deliverer of Doom Message
Master Hand - Melee Stadium Overlord / Villain - HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! THIS QUEST WILL NEVER END!

Klumsy Koopa - Original 5 Quester / Stadium Staff / Dead Guy - Stealer of Coins, Punisher of Punks, Deader Than Disco, Lover Of Kingdom Hearts, Space Balls, And Star Ocean
Luigi - Smasher - Forgotten Smasher
Link - Smasher - Garrick's True Rival
Donkey Kong - Smasher - Usually fought in Matches
Samus - Smasher - Mostly Describes How Screwed Questers Are
Captain Falcon - Smasher - Gets his friends kidnapped all the time
Ness - Smasher - Surrounded by problems
Yoshi - Smasher - Cares only for food
Kirby - Smasher - Gambling Addict
Fox - Smasher - Helps with the CACs And Space Missions
Pikachu - Smasher - Need a translator here
Jigglypuff - Smasher - Ditto, also food, and is also a target for Questers to bully
Wolfman - Melee Stadium Leader / Dead Guy - Victim of his own Wishes
Peach - Smasher - Surprisingly, is not captured often
Zelda/Sheik - Smasher - Always There To Explain the Library
Ice Climbers - Smasher - Why in the world was Mr. Patch lost in THEIR world?
Lakitu - Melee Stadium Staff - Presenter, Announcer, General Talking Guy, PTSD-afflicted Viewer Of Everything
Ganondorf - Smasher / Villain - The Persistent Foe Of Good
Dr. Mario - Smasher / Villain? - Only One True Allegiance: Money
Young Link - Smasher - Doesn't Do Anything
Pichu - Smasher - Exists to be Kidnapped
Falco - Smasher - Talking Head
Marth - Smasher - "Foreigner"
Roy - Smasher - "Foreigner" + Fire Sword
Mewtwo - Smasher / Melee Stadium Founder - The "Bad Cop" and Also Longest Lasting Original Staff Member
Mr. Game and Watch - Smasher / Item Salesman - Almost Never Goes Away

Professor Oak - Melee Stadium Staff / Villain? - Mysteriously AWOL When Not Electricuting Questers With Raichu
Canadian Yosheh - Original 5 Quester - Was Reminded of SSS And Thus Left
Panzer - Original 5 Quester - The Psycho Avenger Who Saved The Future By Cursing At Wolfman And Keeping A Fire Flower
King Demon - Original 5 Quester - The Longest Running Original 5 Quester
Coop - Original 5 Quester - Vanished When He Lost His GodMode Powers

Swordblade - Quester - Old Timey Quester We Forgot
Positron - Quester - Ditto

Kiddy Kong - SSS Denizen - Some Dude From SSS We Forgot
Bahamut - Quester - Forgettable Leader of the MavHunt That Vanished

Kevin - Quester - Is supposedly "Big" (And that's ALL we know)

Aribar - Quester - The Ultimate Victim Of All Time

Sky High - Quester/Kuja Commander - Good Lord, Why Did He Get SO Many Chances?

Jay Resop - Quester/Lord of NC - We're Still Waiting For Him To Return One Day
Sour Surfer - Quester - Hard To Dedupe Name That Appears 19 Times In The Un-edited Version of This Cast

Dracula - Villain - One Of The Original Antagonists
Bowler Dude - Quester - Just sort of mentioned out of nowhere
Simon Belmont - Melee Stadium Staff - To This Day, Can't Keep His Hairstyle Up

Kevin/Captain N - Stadium Ally - Early Installment Weirdness
Ludwig von Koopa - Koopa Kid - Creator of the Mario-Scaring Necklace
Nodal Whisk - Quester - Bum Who Owes Metal Multiple Apologies

Mr. T - Quester - Alumnus of #Meh Who Will Never Stop Pityin' Da Foo

Star Wolf - Villain - Filler Mission Occupier
Ridley - Villain - Too Big To Be Relevant

Digifanatic - Quester - Master Of Whose Line
King Dedede - Villain - Rarely Appearing Foe

Raichu - Pokemon / Villain? - Professor Oak's Torture Device

Meta Knight - Stadium Ally - Constant Saver of Errant Questers

Mr. Patch - Item 'Fixer' - Incoherent Insane Item Imploder
Lynk - Quester / Villain - The Only Person Who Does Anything Right In Season 4
Ely/Phantom - Quester / Villain - Murderous Monster Who Deserved His Death

Sally - Quester - Probably Still Wants That Dragon For A Pet
Roybert - Quester - To This Day, Still Annoyed at Space Station X's Windows Being Punched Out By Metal
Locos Docos / Charles Magellean - Quester / Villain - "Misunderstood" Violent Dictatorial Lunatic That Hates All Life In The Universe But Himself
Crazy Hand - Melee Stadium Underlord - Unknown Relation to Master Hand Or The Plot
Metal Man (also known in other Books as "Xavier Ridgecrest") - Quester / Melee Stadium Leader - Sir UnPrepared For This Plot And Left During Season 3's "Mysterious" Time Gap

Pat V - Quester/SSS Denizen - Repeater Of Things The GM Says
Croco - Enemy - Eats CDs, Steals Stuff

Nightwing - Quester - Obsessed With Trying To Get A Relationship
Zio - Quester / Quester Hunter / Apocalypse Group / Villain - Much More Competent And Cool Than His Game Counterpart, But Fails Miserably Over And Over Again Anyways

Poo - Quester Ally - Skeptical of Quester Power
Kola Hawk - Quester - Hawk Eye Owner And Occasionally Reappearing Guy

Lemmy/Iggy/Idon'tcareanymorey - Quester... Doubler... Transformer... Things - Proof Of Wolfman's Foolishness

EvilKing - Possessed Nidoking - Almost Unstoppable Except Against Questers In The Distant Future
Max - Pokemon Trainer - Sort of a Bystander Who Never Did Much But Observe Things

Mega Boy - Quester - Lazer Rocket, Do Not Jack In
Bowyer - Smithy Gang - Button Disabler
Geno - Stadium Ally - That Doll Everyone Fights Over

Megaman X, Alia, Dragoon, Lifesaver - MavHunt People - Borrowed Assets
Setzer - Quester - Who?
Megaman - Smasher / MavHunt Person - Somehow Escaped His Game Into This One
Breakman - MavHunt/SSQ People - Don't Do Much
Dr. Wily - Villain - Time Traveling Endlessly Battling Lunatic
Sigma - MavHunt Villain - Lame By Comparison To Wily
Dr. Light - Stadium Helper - Mysteriously Missing Man Who Is Always Needed For The Plot

Alys Brangwin - Quester - Escaped Hologram Who Dies
Mack the Repairman - Stadium Staff - The PTSD Afflicted Legend-Holding Repairman

Adremelech - Dracula's Summoned Monster - Hard To Spell Annoyance

Nathan Graves - Stadium Ally - Plays with Pseudo-Pokemon Cards That NOBODY Can Sync Up, Ever, SERIOUSLY.

SSTrihan - Quester - Super Duper Few-Log-Wonder
"Link" The Goron - Quester Helper - Darunia's Son
Darunia - Sage of Hyrule - Victimized by Team Rocket And Other Random Foes
Meowth - Team Rocket - The Brains Of The OUtfit

Ed Glukkon - Glukkon - UFO Seller
Abe - Mudokon - Anti-Factory Guy
Munch - Gabbit - Super Anti-Factory Frog Person
Scottish Koopa/Gargoyle Things - Traps - Right or Lrong, Laddie?

Gibby - Quester - Still Don't Get No Respect, Right? Now Back To The Shelf.

VG - Stadium Staff - Welp, Let's Bring The Failures of SSS Into SSQ. Oh, Wait, No, Better Yet, Let's Become Item Masters. Yeah, That's Much Better.
Ruvyn - Quester / Axiom of Balance Member - VG's Greatest Fan. Then Kuja's Greatest Fan. Then Dead.

Tempest - Quester - Epic Elf

Star Steel - Quester - Heroic Sacrificer And Metal's Only Friend At The Time

Tiff - Kirby's Friend - From That TV Show Nobody Remembers (Except for YOUTUBE)
Tuff - Kirby's Friend - Ironically, the Weaker One

Max's Zubat - Friendly Pokemon - SQUEAK!!! SQUEAK SQUEAK SQUEAK!!!

Shop Goron - Shopkeep -HURRR, WHAT ITEM CAN I GET FOR YEH?
Dagon - Quester Hunter - Burnt In Lava Man
Mudokon Shopkeep - Shopkeep - Head Asplode
Volvagia - Dark Being - Fluffy Mushroom Guardian

King K. Rool - Kremling King - Random Encounter
Candy Kong - DK's Object of Finding - Yeah... I dunno Either

Meier Link - Quester Hunter - Another Case Of Nick Not Paying Attention To The Source Material
Max's Umbreon - Friendly Pokemon - Beaten by Mushrooms
Max's Raichu - Friendly Pokemon - Mushroom Destroyer
Max's Blastoise - Friendly Pokemon - Roybert's Target
Max's Tyrannitar - Friendly Pokemon - Cliff Jumper
Ghagael - "Friendly" Pokemon - Destroyer of Opponents

Santa Claus - Saint Nick - Gift-Giving, Flamethrower Packing Guy

Linkbot - Quester - Shredder Inspector
Slippy Toad - Stadium Ally - Wormhole Warper
Omega Metroid X - Screwed Up Mess Of An Enemy - Why Star Steel, Why?

Holographic Armadillo - Holo Tomb Enemy - Aribeater
Evil Quester Clones - Quester Hunters - Zio's Creations
Tuna - Zora - "Helpa" (Actually Meier Link)
King Zora - King of the Zoras - Not Very Helpful
Morpha II - Dark Being - Ripoff of Morpha I

Boggy B. - Worm / Dead Guy - Dead Hero to the Light
Ammonster - Worm - Napalm Avoider
John - Quester - Under Domain Item Recognizer

Cucco Lady - Townsperson - Lady in Distress
Kraigan/Kraegan - Quester Hunter - General Creep
Marcus - Quester Hunter - Mind Control Failure

Pinach - Helpful Gnome - Short-lived Weapon Maker

Ghost Metroid - Legendary Thing - Star Steel's Most Feared Enemy
Belome - Villain - Non-Purple People Eater

Kuja Tribal - Ghostly Entity / Quester Hunter Leader / Axiom of Balance Leader / Kujan Empire Leader - The Jeans Wearing Anti-Wolfman Here To Destroy The World And The Questers
Auron - Ghostly Entity - Another Case Of Disregarding The Source Material
Magnus - Quester Hunter - Star Steel Burner

Razor - Quester - The Original Enemy Shredder
Alex Gorvan / Garrick Fy'aar - Quester - Fan of NOVA, Frenemy of Illian, Rival of Link, Outlier Who Never Fit In
Wario - Stadium Staff - Magical Sadism Storage Supervisor
Smithy - Smithy's Gang Leader - Cube-Obsessed Toaster That Keeps Coming Back For Entirely No Reason

Hydro - Super Idiotic Quester 10,000 - Discoverer of the X-Zone
Billy - Pat's Fish - Pat Hater

Yurie - Quester / Attempted To Be Quester Leader - Flew Too Close To The Sun That Is Quester Leadership
Machine Made Yaridovich - Smithy's Gang - Toad Dangler
Axem Rangers - Smithy's Gang - Super Get-Blown-Up Gang

Dr. Donez - NC Denizen - Is Sad This Is Probably The Only Thing Referencing Him That'll Last Into The 2020s

"Dr. Robotnik" AKA "Bob, Lord of Electric Death" - Holographic Abomination / Charles Magellean AI - Supporter of Bad Ideas, Quiet Supporter Of Insanity

Dr. Ivo Robotnik - Villain - Eternal Foe To The Questers, Even When In the X-Zone

Mortal Kombat Announcer - Disembodied Spectator - FINISH HIM
Ganenod - Dark Four Swords Abomination - Didn't Give Ari an Arm

Deloth - Quester - Driven Off The Edge, Then Smashed To Bits By Kuja's Tower
Orlando Florida - Villain - Returned To Sender Due To Defectiveness

Gobbu - Evil Miniature Marshmallow Air Conditioner Person - ...I don't know what I was smoking when I made this, seriously
Lumis Dongthar - Annoying Plot Hole - I Wish I'd Just Banned Locos For Even Making This

Penguin - Weird Holo Being - In My Head Canon, Is Actually The Final Hologram Temple Boss
Zidane - Holographic FF Guy - Man of Few Words
Cloud - Holographic FF Guy - Expositor Extraordinaire

Ninestein - Smithy Gang Base Security System - We, The Second Person Speakers

Leon - Team Star Wolf - Die! Die! Dieeeee!
Andrew - Team Star Wolf - Takes out his Uncle's Death on everybody
Pigma - Team Star Wolf - Prefers Easy Targets
Matek - Dark World Ganondorf Lieutenant Freak - Idiotic Screamer

Blond Digifanatic - Fallen Quester - Digi's Evil Slytock Clone Who Accidentally Introduced Yellow Submarine to Metal Man
Jeff Maxwell - Fallen Quester - Escaped the Dark Ages... and Evaded Death... A Lot
ROB 64 - Star Fox Member - Backup is Arriving, Press C>

E Li Three - Extra-dimensional Trap-Controlling Cyborg Freak - Eternal Banana Torturer

Metal Sonic - Villain / Smasher - No, We Do Not Have a List Of Them All, There Are Too Many

Alucard - Dracula's Son - Non-Evil Mission Giver
Luthiel Moonlek - Quester - Last Character of Star Steel's Player/Heal-Happy Priest

SA-X2 - Villain - Can't Talk

Yaridovich - Smithy Gang - Yes, The Real One Came AFTER The Machine Made One

Olde Smashdex - Old Quester Equipment - No Upgrade
Koopa1 / Ricky Koopa - Magellean Military Member - Loyal To A Fault

Tridus - Quester / Villain - Always There, Holding a Burning Fuse, Ready To Cause Destruction
Machine Made Fallen Questers - Smithy Gang - Now They're Desperate!
Zeters/ZETA - Locos Supporter - Oops, There Goes The Rear Half Of The Ship

Metal Razor - Robotnik Machine - Failed Alpha Testing

Shadow (no, NOT that one) - X-Zone Being - Evil Tempter

Denon Reveille - Apocalypse Group Leader / Axiom of Balance Member / Kuja Commander - No Matter How Many Times He's Reworked, He Still Sucks As A Character
The Doorman - Apocalypse Group - Warpy Trickmeister
Suru - Aribar's Familiar - Sadly, does not talk
Peppy - Smasher - Stuck in any scene Fox is
Random Venomian Officer - Apocalypse Group - Hilarious name, Never Seen Again
Sword of Darkness - Villain - An Unending Evil Plot Device
Knuckles - Quester Ally - Gullable and Confused
Eldorado - Apocalypse Group - Giant Plot Hole
Sonic - Quester Ally - Kinda lost in all this
Phantom Clone III - Magellean Military - Form of: Wacky Sword!
Lehi/Doopliss/Erwin/Whatever - Magellean Military/WACKO/Axiom of Balance/Kuja "Commander"/Independent Contractor - Unstable Antagonist
Roufas - Saga Lord - One of those guys
James Prower - Saga Person - Never bothered to meet his son on-screen
Tingle - ??? - Apparently Craves Evil
Blue - Saga Lord - Master of FetchQuestery
Kylin - Saga Lord - Master of Ghost Children
Dr. Ivan Robotnik - SIMBER System Overlord - Deceptive pawn of The Void
Shadow (the Hedgehog) - Apocalypse Group / Quester Ally - Always Angry, But Also Sage Advisor Who Teaches Chaos Control
Deoxys - Apocalypse Group - Inferiority Complex
Gargoyles - Apocalypse Group - Winged Plot Holes
Andross - Apocalypse Group - Pathetic Lego Man
Waluigi - WACKO - Wall-Eyed Pie-throwing Maniac
Kefka - Apocalypse Group - The Master of Annoying Dreams
Gruntilda the Witch - WACKO - Short-Lived Villain Who Doomed The World
Tempus - Saga Lord - Time Rewinder
The Void - The Void - Don't Question It, He Is Just THE ULTIMATE PLOT HOLE OF ALL TIME
Azure - Quester - Owner of Over 6 Copies Of Destroyed Spirit Charms
Thnikkaman - ??? - Some kind of old reference
Obnoxious Rich Lady - ??? - Weak to exploding dryers
Zero - Quester - Short-Lived Character
Pilot - GUN Military Officer - Prototype Anthon Tark
Tails - Saga Person - Never does get to meet his father...
Slytock/Shadow Aribar - Quester Hunter - That annoying guy that never stops showing up, ever
SIMBER - SIMBER System Backbone - Evil But Effective
E. Gadd - SIMBER System Creator - Never Considers Consequences EVER
Saria - Sage of the Forest - Knows a lot about Gargoyles
P.S.I.M. - SIMBER System - Weak Warner
Machine Made Zio - Magellean Military - Loyal Sub-Commandant
Wobuffet - Team Rocket Member - WOBBBBBUFFFFEEEETTTT!
SA-X - Villain / Apocalypse Group - Somehow Alive And Didn't Know SA-X2 Existed
Lord Crump - Villain - Randomly Appears
Kazooie - Hero - Wants to see Locos Burn
Banjo - Hero - Wants to get out of here
Mumbo Jumbo - Hero - Wants a new Wand
Narrative Guy - NC Maniac - One of the last appearances of these NC People
Zess T - Void Test Thingy - Really, Really Mad!
Culex - Void Host - Another Victim of Quester Stupidity

Zeni - Aribar's Relative/Friend/Something - Plot Token

Gnome - Earth Elemental - Doesn't Like The Way You Look, Kid
Undine - Water Elemental - Almost Forgets To Block The Way
Salamander - Fire Elemental - The Great
Jinn - Wind Elemental - Hapless Victim of Illian's Cheap Infinity Blade
Tordek - Thief Leader - Doesn't Believe In Earthlings

Palom & Porom - NIAF Units - Annoying Ness-like Helpers

Announcer - Stadium Staff - So that's the Guy Who Says Who Won...

Metal Man (Known as: "Illian MacGregor") - Quester "Leader" - Impostor Solarian Who Leads The Questers To Death, Then Destroys Kuja For His Own Purposes
Nova - Protector of Nintendus - Central AI Defender Of The World
Lizzy the Lizard - Friend of the Questers - Short-time Psychic Cameo

Avon - WACKO/Axiom of Balance Machine - Wants nothing more than the destruction of Nintendus, until he Abruptly Doesn't

Hammer Brother - WACKO Goon - Heh Heh Heh. *Eats Cheese Doodle* OVERKILL 9000 ENGAGE

Dark Force - Leader of the Forces of Darkness - The Background Behind The Constant Attacks Who Then Vanishes Because That Totally Made Sense (NOT)

Fred the "Spanyard" - Neglected Character - Reduced to Showing Up Here Now That NC Is Dead
Biggs & Wedge - Neglected Neglected Character - There Was Actually A Reason These Guys Were Neglected


Nyev - Axiom of Balance Member - Ruvyn's Snipery Alter Ego
Kappa - WACKO / Axiom of Balance Member - The Magical Unstoppable Super-Robot

Grodus - Co-Leader of the Smithy Gang/X-Nauts - Totally Going To Predict Taking Your Victory Away, Tetra

Garrick's Dex - Quester Tool - It will take (one round) to kill everyone...
Bill - Master Ninja - What Are You, Braindead?
Ben - Master Ninja - Ah, The First Intruders To Get This Far...

Pseudo-Cube Bazooka - Quester Tool - Destroyer of Bens and Many Other Foes
Toad 10 - Innocent? Normal ? Person - Maybe a Bit Megalomaniacal about the FireBright Sword

Deathzooka - Quester Tool? - Wait, Where Did VG Get This?
VG (Evil) - Corrupted Quester - Oh no... a FOE with RED ESSENCE!!!

Arena Guy - Stadium Staff - Summoner of Random Events

Super Dex - Quester Tool - Illian's Response to the "Mark 5"

Gerald Robotnik - Eternal Chaos Entity / Kuja Commander / Quester "Ally" - LITERALLY DESTROYS THE ENTIRE WORLD AND IS CONSIDERED A HERO FOR IT??????

Trigger - Quester - The Trigger Before He Became the "Nintendo Master"

Mr. Saturn - Mr. Saturn - No HeLp FoR yOu
Agent Golden Guy - Forces of Darkness Entity - ALL THE COINS BELONG TO ME!!!

Julian Sawyer - Quester - At One Time, We Considered Him A Hero, At Least In This Book

Giovanni - Leader of Team Rocket - Confused Ally of the Questers???

Zip Toad - Innocent Normal Person? - Seemingly Not A Fake This Time

Silvia - Cooking Ghost - She'll Beat You In Both Fighting And Cooking!

Sha'Fol - Fake Solarian / Plot Hole / Xalron Killer - The False Founder, Created By Xavier/Illian's Insanity

Tetra - Quester - Always Concerned About Being Denied His Victory

ToeJam - Space Alien - Hears VG's screams
Earl - Space Alien - Doesn't know what they are
Lord Crodus - Axiom of Balance / Smithy Gang / X-Naut / Whatever - Grodus Return #24924924 Billion

Mouser - Quester Ally - The Cowboy Who Knows Pirate

Captain Syrup - Captain of the Black Sugar Gang - Out to Steal the Voodoo Poodoo
Mark 5 - Garrick's Personal Tool He Wouldn't Let Anyone Else Have - The Supposed Better Dex That Only Had One Additional Function: Better Voice Usage

Daven Jerec - Alternate Dimension Quester Leader - Leader-and-Hostage-in-One
Flame Robot - WACKO Goon - Nostalgic Item Combiner Enemy And Nostalgic Continuation of The Dead Grunty Plot

F.A.Y.T.H. - Magellean Military Entity - SIMBER with a Dumb Rename

Twist Ed - UND Member - I contemplated Deleting these Dumb Characters, But They're Still Worth Me Complaining About Them

Sparticus - Eternal Chaos Entity - Summoned Illusion of Avon

Sephiroth - Eternal Chaos Entity - Exile of the X-Zone
Kerlai - UND Member - Yet Another Annoying Hypocrite

King Skeleton - Forces of Darkness Entity - Herald for the Skeleton King
Skeleton King - Forces of Darkness Entity - Probably Would Have Been a Better Final Boss For This Season

MrMonster - Quester - More Emotionally Stable Than Aribar
Dan - Eternal Chaos Entity - The Classic X-Zone Foe
Oprybo - UND Member - Another Thing... Which Has No Consensus on How To Spell Its Name...

Lashiec - Forces of Darkness Entity - Stealer of VG's Hat, Master of Staff Magic and High HP

Grodus II - Smithy Gang / X-Naut Endless Undying Annoyance - OH MY GOD PLEASE STOP MAKING GRODUSES

Dumon Tuval - Fake Ancient Whallerian - Yeah, Nothing He Says Is True
Albuk Coldblade - Assassin Master - Ultimately Dead Too Fast
Dellion Blackguard - Assassin Member - Destroyer of Goodly Figures
Kazlo Shadowdancer - Assassin Member - Technical Mastermind

Genesis - Eternal Chaos Entity - Supposed Super-creation of Gerald's (But Not)

Damien Shire - Fake Ancient Whallerian - Fake Fake Fake, But Can Make Nice Glass Seals

The Puppeteer AKA John Faust - Quester? - Shouldn't Have Been Allowed In This Game
Saryu - Quester?'s Puppet - Stupid Puppet
Aetos - Quester - Stupider Than A Puppet
Kales Brando - Lizardman Leader / Villain - Psychotic Murdering Archaeologist Outcast
Moody Mandy - Lizardman Salesman - Selling Items to Monsters Since Forever
Koryuu - Quester?'s Puppet - Annoying Puppet

Scott Kane - Quester? - Pandora's Box Opener

Zorn - Kuja Commander - Ineffective Obstacle
Thorn - Kuja Commander - Obstacle, Ineffective

Maxamillion - Kuja Commander - Solarian Mad Scientist

Traon - Quester - Red Blood Dude And Annoying Bell Haver (Eventually)
Ztarhcs - Utopian Lizardman - Sometimes, Backwards is Better than Forwards
King - Utopian Lizardman Leader - Brain, what is a?

Mewthree - Professor Oak's Out Of Control Experiment - Spends More Time Denouncing Others As Insects Than Defending Himself
Deathguise - Kuja's Lackey - Failed Attempt To Enforce Death

INTA - Crystal City AI - Weak Wannabe SIMBER
Ize - Kuja's Lackey - The Only Survivor
Fer - Kuja's Lackey - Burnt to the Ground
Elc - Kuja's Lackey - He Who Refuses

Mayor - Crystal City Leader - Poor, Lonely Person

SIMBER2.0 - Kuja Commander - The Leader of the Turion Attack On Questers

Sardis Mongul - Fake? Solarian? - Ultimately Just Illian's Friend Pretending To Be Mysterious (But We Don't Know That Yet)

Blade - Quester - Only Speaks When Spoken To

Sardis Mongul's Journal - Annoying Plot Object - Completely irrelevant and confusing on purpose

Dave - Quester Ally - Black Market Scuba Diver

Thirteen Gentleman Androids - Thirteen Gentleman Android - Vengeful Relics

Mushroom King - Mystery Man - Quizmaster and Hiding King

Dark Metal Man AKA "Xalron" - Dark Alter Ego of Metal Man - King of the Last Laughs -- EVEN IN THE FUTURE
The Ninja - Quester - Sole Proprietor Of Ninja Burger

Vladimir Va'ruushkah - Charles' Hallucination - #1 Reason Not To Drink Before Sessioning