Super Smash Quest² - Story - Chapter 57: Wrath of the Oompa Loompas
Date: April 1st, 2009.
Trivia: This chapter remained infamous for years after it was done. Logging it now has finally allowed it to be seen in full, yet again. Enjoy the insanity!
Metal Man (GM): Recap. After battling the elves of furnituretopia, the Neo Ultra Super Questers swore vengeance against their foe, Nega-Void the Fifth. With their invincible glass pine tree swords they departed for victory and to eat shiny shoes. But they were stopped on their way by ultimate Scratch And Sniff man, who shot a laser of unruly Xbox 360s.
Metal Man (GM): The sheer red ringedness killed Star Steel and GM_Link and Kerian and Knight9910 and Tempest and Kuji. But never fear, as the NUSQers are now on the path of war! Fight Neo Ultra Super Questers! For the Bad Dudes out there! Star Steel had his Star Board. And a Star Cup of Star Coffee. The NEO ULTRA SUPER QUESTE---*Record skip.*
Metal Man (GM): Questers are inexplicably in a factory of some kind, even though just earlier they were in a kart racing tournament and flying home. What the heck?!?! There is a river of some kind and trees... inside a factory. What?!?! MISSION COMMENCE ON FIRe
Julian: "...Is this even a goddamn factory?"
Metal Man (GM): OF DOOM
Dragoshi: "It's a scenery factory."
Metal Man (GM): ADDACAFE. The river... it is brown!
Deloth: "...Was that cup of coffee tainted with something?"
Julian: "Nah, this shit looks too real. If I didn't kn-..."
Metal Man (GM): And... there is a strange, sugary smell in the air!
Aribar: "For some inexplicable reason, I feel the urge to shoot lightning into the sky."
Julian: "Aw fuck."
Deloth: *sniff, sniff.* "...is that chocolate I smell?"
Metal Man (GM): A man in a purple hat walks up to you. It's E Li Three! ...Wait, no. It's a human!
???: "How did you people get here? This is a chocolate factory, not a warzone!"
Aribar: "I... Don't know."
Julian: "That'd what I wanna know."
???: "...Don't look at me, I don't remember turning on the chocolate teleporter after that... incident. ...I guess you can do SOMETHING while you're here, though."
Metal Man (GM): He tips his hat to you.
Julian: "What. What could we POSSIBLY do in here?"
Deloth: "...there's chocolate here? Where?"
Julian: "The river, Del."
Willy Wonka: "I am Willy Wonka. And there is a river of chocolate down there."
Julian: "I seen this movie befo'."
Willy Wonka: "I have a problem... the... Oompa Loompas... do you even know what they are?"
Julian: "Tiny orange suckas wif green hair, right?"
Willy Wonka: "Oh, you've seen the movie I made. Well, I assure you, while it is thought to be fake, this factory is very real. ...The Oompa Loompas have gone on strike, you see."
Julian: "So you want us to strike bust?"
Willy Wonka: "This is the only room I can stay in without fear of being attacked."
Deloth stares at the river. Acid trip nightmare... versus unlimited chocolate...
Willy Wonka: "It's no normal strike. In Oompa Loompa land, strikes are... different."
Julian: "WHat, you run outta cocoa beans or somethin'? Or did they wise up and wanna unionize?"
Willy Wonka: "They demanded I change my hat to match their skin color. I did. They still went insane."
Deloth: "...Can I take a swim in that?" *points to the river.*
Willy Wonka: "...No, unless you want to become lost in the chocolate pipes."
Julian: "I wouldn't, Del."
Deloth: "Then why even have it?"
Julian: "That's how he mixes it."
Willy Wonka: "...Yes. It is a very complex, secret process."
Aribar: "I take it that these Oompa Loompas have become violent?"
Willy Wonka: "Yes... "
Dragoshi: "...Well, then."
Metal Man (GM): He opens his coat. There's a shiny sword stuck through part of it.
Julian: "An' you want us to bust some heads an' get 'em back to work. Am I right?"
Willy Wonka: "Or at least, make them stop trying to kill people."
Deloth: "...Alright, seriously, was that coffee bad or was it something else?" *looks around in disbelief.*
Willy Wonka: "It is a quite displeasant situation. I have had to PRETEND the chocolate was tainted with salmonella and cancel shipments. When the reality was they were killing people with shiny... you'll see."
Metal Man (GM): He points with his cane to a barricaded door.
Julian: "I think we can handle some midgets."
Willy Wonka: "If you feel like fighting things, be my guest."
Aribar: "Is there anything that we should know about them?"
Julian: "What they use, sharpened candy canes or some shit?"
Willy Wonka: "Uh... You'll see. I really must be off. People are... becoming curious."
Metal Man (GM): He walks away.
Deloth: "So. We've all gone stark raving mad."
Julian: "Drago." *Snaps fingers.* "Open the door."
Deloth: "The question now is, who eats who?"
Metal Man (GM): The door is barricaded by a giant candy cane.
Aribar: "Do we have a strategy rather than our usual 'hit it until it is dead?' I ask because I would imagine Mr. Wonka wants -some- of his workers still capable of working when we're done here."
Deloth: "...Kneecap them?"
Dragoshi: *Goes to open ze door.*
Metal Man (GM): The Questers flip open the door. They hear eerie singing.
Julian: "... Ohhhh man."
Deloth takes out his laser sword and The Dark Sword Of Way Too Many Adjectives.
???: "Oompa, Loompa, Doopity Doo, we're gonna kill us some people doopity doo. All will be destroyed and all will die at the tip of the Oompity Loo."
Deloth: "..." *looking back.* "Where's the exit to this place?"
Metal Man (GM): There is the exit to the outside behind you. As for ahead of you... Five Oompa Loompas with 5-feet long swords made entirely of silver are running towards the Questers.
Deloth isn't sure if he feels like fighting insane midgets--too late.
Oompa Loompa 1: "Never! You will die, pale men!"
Julian: "Oh fuck this ain't good."
Oompa Loompa 2: "Ultimate Oompa Loompa buff magic activate!"
Metal Man (GM): They glow radioactively and eat strange blue powder. Do the Questers engage them? Or run away? One of them casually chops a building support in two.
Julian: "...I'm thinkin' bail."
Aribar: "We were sent to negotiate with you."
Deloth: *running away from this insane shit.*
Metal Man (GM): One of them chucks their sword at Aribar. It glows an unholy color.
Julian: "Bail!" *Flee for your lives!*
Metal Man (GM): Julian begins to run as the deadly sword of death flies at Aribar. The Oompa Loompas have one weakness: They can't run very fast. The Questers use their long legs to quickly leave behind the Oompa Loompas.
Aribar ... Uhh... Uses Kinesis to (cheat) send the sword flying to the ground (just so that he has a chance to dodge.)
Deloth: "Julian, this is the worst acid trip ever!"
Dragoshi: *Is running.* :V
Metal Man (GM): It slashes right through Kinesis and chops off Aribar's other arm!
Dragoshi: *Running away, that is.*
Deloth: *ran before Julian did, yey.*
Metal Man (GM): Ahhhhhhhhh!!!!
Julian: "I did NOT sign up fo' this shit!"
Aribar: "... That's a bloody painful flesh wound!" *FLEE.*
Metal Man (GM): The Questers run. The Oompa Loompas stop dead at the gate to the factory. The Questers are out front. There is Willy Wonka. He is... smashed flat under a car.
Julian: "Yo! Wonka! Handle yo ow-..."
Metal Man (GM): A weird man who is in black and white is standing near him, taking notes.
Deloth: "...Where's our ship?" *looks around for it.*
Julian: "Curiouser an' curioser... HEY! B&W guy! What's up?"
Aribar: "... Does anyone have an extra arm they aren't using?"
Julian: "Think Wonka's got one o' two."
Deloth: "I've had a plan for that, Ari, we'll talk later. For now, where the fuck is our ship?!"
Julian: "Man, we don't even know where the fuck we ARE. Let's figure that out then worry 'bout gettin' outta here. "
Perry Mason: "Hello, I'm Perry Mason. This man was murdered, and it appears someone might be trying to frame you. If you wouldn't mind, I think I can help you."
Julian: "..." *o_o* "Uh... sure..."
Dragoshi: "...Okay, th--"
Julian: *What the fuck now.*
Metal Man (GM): A weird looking Lawyer walks over.
Dragoshi: *What the christ.*
Aribar just stands there... Armless and confused.
Miles Edgeworth: "They clearly killed Mr. Wonka!"
Deloth: "We... didn't?"
Perry Mason: "You just got here. How did you know this would happen, hmmm?"
Julian: "Fuck no! Sucka got run over while we was bein' chased by psycho midgets."
Miles Edgeworth: "I was just walking down the street when I heard one of them yell. They were trying to run away!"
Dragoshi: "What Julian said."
Deloth is desperately attempting to keep from breaking into hysterical laughter and making dirt angels. It's a close effort.
Perry Mason: "That still doesn't prove they are guilty. I'll see you in court."
Aribar: "There are deadly dwarves in there! They chopped off my arm!"
Miles Edgeworth: "No, no. There are no deadly dwarves. See. Look, it's the murder weapon!" He points at the car. It's... a CAC? "And..." He looks inside. "It clearly belongs to the Questers... who are right before us!"
Metal Man (GM): How did he know that???
Deloth: "..." *pinches himself.*
Perry Mason: "What are you implying... they crashed a car into a man while running towards this same man? Look how they are facing."
Metal Man (GM): Perry Mason points at Miles.
Deloth: "Okay, FIRST OF ALL. How the hell did you know that we were Questers?"
Aribar: "And how would any of that explain my lost arm?"
Perry Mason: "I will call a witness to the stand."
Julian: "Look I dunno who you are, but listen: I can do a lotta things, but I can't be in two places at once."
Deloth: "WHAT STAND?!"
Miles Edgeworth: "...Yes... even though there isn't one."
Metal Man (GM): A stand appears out of thin air.
Perry Mason: "Now... I call... that person." He points to Aribar.
Dragoshi: "..." .oO(...what the heck)
Julian: *the fuck.*
Perry Mason: "Tell us... what were you doing just a few minutes ago?"
Aribar: "... Being attacking and disarmed."
Deloth: "Literally. See the bloody stump?"
Perry Mason: "What disarmed you... and what weapon did it use?"
Miles Edgeworth: "This is hardly likely to reveal anything. I saw that car hit him!"
Aribar: "It was a little Oompa Loompa with a death sword!"
Deloth walks over to the CAC and stares into the window in disbelief.
Metal Man (GM): A little icon appears that only Deloth can see. A strange sparkly corner is sticking out of the glove compartment.
Deloth: "..." *pops open the glove compartment and looks.*
Miles Edgeworth: "OBJECTIONS! Oompa Loompas don't exist! And there's no evidence here!"
Julian: "Go look in the damn factory!"
Perry Mason: "...If you would just let me speak... I am quite sure there is a reason for everything."
Julian: "Come back to me when you got a sword lodged in yo' head."
Deloth: "HOLD IT!"
Perry Mason: "As my next witness will show."
Metal Man (GM): He looks to Deloth.
Deloth: "...Think I found something over here."
Aribar: "Every one of us are witnesses that they DO-" *Held.*
Metal Man (GM): Deloth has found... It's... Sky High's ID!
Deloth presents that to Edgeworth! "TAKE THAT!"
Perry Mason: "Clearly... the car belongs to someone else than these people."
Julian: "Damn straight it do."
Perry Mason: "Now, for my second witness."
Perry Mason: "I call... this person to the stand." He points to Julian.
Metal Man (GM): Edgeworth is looking a bit nervous.
Deloth then clears his throat. "Ugh. Don't know why I had to scream all that..."
Julian: "I dunno, the last time I took a witness stand it didn't end too well, but..." *Takes the stand. With STYLE.*
Perry Mason: "Witness... do you have the keys to this car? Does anyone here have them?"
Julian: "I ain't had keys in 10 years."
Dragoshi: "Not me."
Miles Edgeworth: "...No! This... it's clear! They did it!"
Perry Mason: "Oh really, Edgeworth. The man who walked onto the scene moments after it happened... and had convenient people to frame run into the scene... even if Oompa Loompas don't exist... why were YOU the closest one to the car when I walked here?"
Julian: "What he said!"
Miles Edgeworth: "Gah!..." He hangs his head. "It's true, they didn't do it. I merely did it to get them in jail... but I had to! Someone has my... family... friends... hostage!"
Deloth: *goes back to his usual 'blank stare of disbelief'.*
Perry Mason: "Well it won't do you any good, since you have just admitted to a crime."
Deloth: "...you have friends?"
Miles Edgeworth: "...Not really." He sulks. Policemen appear out of thin air and arrest him.
Perry Mason: "Well, I'm sorry about that, but he was clearly after you."
Deloth: "...Right, do you know where our ship is?"
Aribar joins Deloth in a disarming blank stare of disbelief.
Perry Mason: "I have to leave now, I have another court case in ten minutes." He walks off, inexplicably vanishing.
Deloth: "I really need to go home and just sit in the shower for a while..."
Metal Man (GM): The Questers hear a small explosion.
Deloth: "NO, WAIT--..."
Metal Man (GM): ...The Oompa Loompas have escaped from the factory!
Metal Man (GM): They're coming after the Questers again!
Dragoshi: *Run away, run away.*
Deloth yelps and starts running again.
Metal Man (GM): The Questers run. They hear the sounds of swords slicing a car into millions of pieces.
Deloth: "FUCK, don't these things ever stop?!"
Aribar: *... Plane: Boost Strip land. He's escaping to a place they can't follow!*
Metal Man (GM): Aribar summons a Boost strip into the floor! Everyone goes flying forwards and away! The Questers land in a bizarre looking factory which has been closed down. It has a giant stone wall. The Oompa Loompas took a wrong turn and apparently lost the Questers.
Julian: "OH FU-" *ZOOOM!* "...Another factory."
Deloth: *tiredly.* "What NOW?"
Metal Man (GM): Someone else walks over, however. He's smoking a cigarette.
???: "Who are you guys?"
Julian: "Who the fuck are you?"
Deloth: "...can we say 'none of your business' and leave it at that?"
Metal Man (GM): It's a weird looking man with brown hair. He flashes his ID at the Questers.
Sam: "I am Sam of the Officials, and I've been looking for suspicious people. You certainly look suspicious!"
Julian: "...I dunno why but fo' some reason I got an urge to punch you in the face."
Aribar: "..." *Plane: Buster cannon arms ala Mega Man.*
Sam: "You can't hurt me, I'm an Official. I'll get you!"
Metal Man (GM): Aribar gains a buster arm cannon.
Sam: "I'll kill you with my cigarette!"
Metal Man (GM): BATTLE. Aribar now has... a buster arm.
Aribar: *Plane: E Li Three.* "Help us defeat this foe!"
Metal Man (GM): Aribar's spell messes up. Eli Vance from Half-Life 2 appears.
Eli Vance: "What the hell?"
Julian: "...Another black man! I thought I'd never see the day!"
Sam: "You're a dimensional Sentry virus! I'll destroy you!"
Eli Vance: "Who are you and why are you spouting that nonsense?"
Metal Man (GM): He takes out a machinegun.
Aribar: "That thing is an evil police officer!"
Sam: "I'll burn you up with a cigarette!"
Deloth: "Drag, I need to borrow your gun to commit suicide with."
Eli Vance: "The Hell you are!"
Metal Man (GM): Eli Vance brutally shoots Sam with several rounds of machinegun fire.
Sam: "Hey, no fair! You have a real gun!"
Eli Vance: "And you have a big mouth for being so weak!"
Deloth: "And you DON'T?"
Aribar: *... Plane: Half Li--nah, that'd just be silly. 4 Lightning Eles.*
Sam: *BZZT BZZT BZZT.*
Metal Man (GM): Aribar sets Sam's hair on fire.
Sam: "Gah! How am I taking damage? I'm invincible! INVINCIBLE!!!!"
Aribar: "Never mess with a near-dead Jentanian Wizard!"
Eli Vance: "I guess I must have gotten caught in a temporal disturbance. I KNEW that new teleporter didn't work right!"
Julian: *Oh no, his hair caught on fire. Julian can help him with that. And of course by 'help' I mean 'injure'. ELECTRIC FIST 2 FACE.*
Metal Man (GM): Sam does a classic Thesquare dodge! He stands right in front of Julian as his punch bounces off and Julian takes damage.
Julian responds to this insult by kicking Sam in the groin.* *PUNT!*
Sam: "OW! GAH!" He squeaks and falls to his knees.
Deloth: "Well, good to know THOSE aren't invincible. Speaking of which, target acquired." *goes for two stabs to the groin, one with each sword.*
Julian: *Rubs his face as he backpedals.* "Pansy-ass muthafucka... showed him what's what."
Metal Man (GM): Deloth stabs Sam twice. Although it doesn't seem to do much (bouncing off of him and all) he takes damage and all but falls over. Sam is on the edge of death.
Sam: "No... gah! You'll... you'll lose!"
Metal Man (GM): He takes out a hardware chip and sticks it in his forehead. HP +ACTIVATED! His wounds vanish and he stands up.
Deloth: "Sam, you're a disgrace to cigarettes--WHAT THE HELL."
Sam: "Yeah! You're going to die! Take this!"
Metal Man (GM): He goes to poke Deloth with the cigarette. He goes to poke Deloth with the cigarette. The cigarette goes out. Deloth is poked with a dead cigarette.
Deloth just stares downwards at the poking.
Dragoshi: "...This is so stupid."
Metal Man (GM): He lights the cigarette and tries to poke Dragoshi with the cigarette.
Sam: "All right, that last time didn't work so well. HOW ABOUT THIS!"
Metal Man (GM): The weak cigarette viciously sets Dragoshi on fire. Dragoshi takes damage.
Dragoshi: *Survives!* *Goes to slice n' dice Sam with his laser sword!*
Eli Vance: "What the hell is wrong with that man? If I had a cigarette that could do that, I wouldn't waste it attacking... whatever the hell you people are!"
Sam: "Gah! Ow! No! I'm INVINCIBLE! And an Official!"
Deloth: "An official target dummy, more like it."
Metal Man (GM): Eli Vance, seeing that mere bullets can't kill Sam fast enough before he cheaply heals himself, takes out a grenade.
Eli Vance: "I didn't want to waste this on some idiot, but I guess I have no choice!" He flings it.
Metal Man (GM): Sam picks up the grenade.
Sam: "You idiot! I'm immune to--"*BOOOOOOOOOM.*
Metal Man (GM): He is charred and set on fire.
Sam: "..." *Cough.*
Deloth: *slow clap.*
Metal Man (GM): Sam is looking somewhat weak. At least, that part of the grenade suck in his shoulder doesn't look healthy. Somehow, his cigarette still functions.
Aribar: "..." *The half-elf feels sorry for Sam... Right before setting him on fire again with 5 Fire eles.*
Metal Man (GM): Eerie chanting echoes in the distance...
Julian: *Somehow, his face is still a magnet for Julian's attacks. Can it be? HAMME-OH FUCK.* "...RUN!"
Deloth: "Oh, shit. We gotta finish this up quick."
Julian: "YOU! TAKE THIS!" *HAMMERTIME.*
Metal Man (GM): There are... Oompa Loompas are about to catch up... and they're down an alley behind Sam. Sam trips and falls into the punches, while on fire.
Sam: "You can't do this to me, I'm an official!"
Julian flees after his turn.
Oompa Loompas: "Oompa, Loopa, Doopity Doo, we're gonna kill you and make a stew."
Deloth takes off. Right now.
Aribar: "Oh, piffle! Not my third arm! Don't take it!"
Metal Man (GM): The Oompa Loompas take out shiny silver swords.
Eli Vance: "What the... whatever!"
Metal Man (GM): Eli Vance runs off with the Questers, firing behind him.
Deloth: "RUN, OTHER BLACK MAN!"
Sam: "Hah! You ran because I am the best!"
Metal Man (GM): He turns around and sees the Oompa Loompas.
Dragoshi: *RUN AWAY!*!
Metal Man (GM): An Oompa Loompa hurls a sword at Sam! Sam is stabbed and falls over!
Metal Man (GM): The Questers escape before it is possible to find out what exactly the Oompa Loompas do after that.
Deloth: *Indirect victory! Now LET'S FLEEEEEE.*
Aribar: "We need to reach high ground! I don't think midgets can climb stuff!"
Eli Vance: "Now, you... people... I think I have an idea of what is going on. I think we're trapped in some sort of dimensional anomaly!"
Julian: "You don't fuckin' say!"
Eli Vance: "We don't have much time. It'll only keep getting worse unless we find some way to stop it!"
Deloth: "Explain it while we keep running!"
Metal Man (GM): The group keeps running.
Dragoshi: "Well, that explains everything ever."
Aribar: "And how do we stop it?!"
Metal Man (GM): The group runs until they encounter Perry Mason again.
Perry Mason: "...How did you find me again?"
Deloth: *KEEP RUNNING.*
Julian: "How'd you find US? RUN!"
Metal Man (GM): He's rendered entirely in black and white.
Perry Mason: "Run?" He looks and sees... the Oompa Loompas. "I have a squad car. Come with me."
Digifanatic: *DOINK DOINK.*
Julian: *JESUS CHRIST ITS A LOOMPA GET IN THE SQUAD CAR.*
Eli Vance: "I think we'll be better off with him than running on foot."
Aribar: *Exit, stage squad car.*
Dragoshi: *RUN AWAY TO THE CAR.*
Metal Man (GM): The Questers all climb into... on top of... even under the Squad car. They have a moment to rest, as Perry Mason steps on the gas.
Deloth jumps onto/under/into the car WHEEEEEEEE.
Perry Mason: "All right... so... you appear to have a problem."
Aribar: "Just a small one."
Julian: "You could say that."
Deloth smacks Ari.
Eli Vance: "What was it that told you that first? The fact none of us have any reason to meet eachother, or the MIDGETS WITH SWORDS?"
Perry Mason: "...Yes, I understand."
Aribar: "Gah! Deloth, I just lost an arm! Be nicer to me."
Perry Mason: "I believe the person behind that framing by Miles Edgeworth is after us. Those Oompa Loompas were clearly stuck in that factory."
Julian: "Lay off the 'plegic, Del."
Perry Mason: "I saw a suspicious figure atop a hilltop."
Deloth: "Relax, I'll get him a new arm soon enough."
Julian: "How suspicious was he?"
Perry Mason: "I figure this won't stop until you deal with him. He wore green tights, had a small dagger, and laughed evilly. I didn't quite believe my eyes."
Julian: "...Peter Pan?"
Perry Mason: "...No. He had a helmet."
Julian: "Peter pan."
Perry Mason: "He said something about 10,000 years."
Dragoshi: "...10'000 years?"
Perry Mason: "Anyway... it's on high ground, I'll take you there."
Eli Vance: "S#$%, this place just keeps making less sense by the second! We don't have long, we'll have to go with that."
Metal Man (GM): He reloads his gun as the overcrowded squad car makes it to a vague hilltop. The Oompa Loompas have since been lost. At least, for now. The car stops at the base of the hill.
Deloth bails out and starts heading for the top.
Perry Mason: "I've called for backup. You just be careful. The police will handle those... midgets..."
Metal Man (GM): The group walks up. It's a normal hilltop. With a man in all green standing atop it. A normal hilltop.
Julian: "Thanks fo' the ride, a-ha." *Exit, to the hill!*
Dragoshi: *Moseys on along to the hill.*
Aribar follows the others while looking over his buster cannon arm thing.
???: "Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! You idiots don't know what hit you, did you?"
Julian: "...you are fuckin' kiddin' me."
Deloth: "... Green man. This isn't funny anymore and I want to go home and take a bottle or two of aspirin."
Eli Vance: "...If that freak isn't dead by the end of this hour, I'm jumping off a bridge. This place is just bat#$%^ insane."
Green Ranger: "Don't you see? This is all a part of a master plan! Rita Repulsa desires to take over Willy Wonka's chocolate factory!"
Dragoshi: "...this is ludicrous."
Deloth: *Sword attacks on greenboy.*
Julian: *Hauls off and punches the Green Ranger in the face.*
Metal Man (GM): He flies through the air, sparks flying off of him.
Green Ranger: "You want a fight? I'll fight you, weaklin... ow."
Metal Man (GM): GREEN BATTLE
Green Ranger: "You can't win! Sam is on our side! He will stop you!"
Julian: "He been stopped already."
Deloth: "Sam? The Oompa Loompas ate him."
Julian: "By ME."
Green Ranger: "...Miles Edgeworth will have you arrested!"
Deloth: "Miles is in jail."
Julian: "Sucka's servin' 25 to life."
Green Ranger: "...Barney will hug you to death!"
Julian: "Fo' pissin' me off."
Dragoshi: "What they said."
Dragoshi: "...who in the what now?"
Green Ranger: "Dang! You're not lying! I'll just have to kill you with my musical dagger!"
Julian: "I'll jus' have to kill you with brute force!"
Green Ranger: "I'll show you!" He makes a whistling noise.
Metal Man (GM): For a moment, nothing happens. ... A GIANT MEGA ZORD FLIES FROM THE CLOUDS TO CRUSH EVERYONE.
Julian: *OH SHIT.* *Duck and Cover!*
Deloth: *OH SHIT GIANT ROBOT.*
Metal Man (GM): Eli Vance leaps out of the way.
Dragoshi: *in during death.*
Julian survives using techniques learned from 1950's propaganda films!
Metal Man (GM): The Green Ranger laughs over and over again as sparks fly after the Questers he hit..
Metal Man (GM): Aribar's other leg flies off while he is crushed. He's looking like a very certain other person...
Aribar: *YOUR LEG ASPLODE.*
Metal Man (GM): Is it just a flesh wound???
Deloth: *getting up.* "That was mean. Now we shoot you."
Eli Vance: "Damn, man. You're so dumb I don't even have to worry if you're human."
Metal Man (GM): Eli Vance opens fire at Green Ranger. The Green Ranger dances around two of the shots. Dramatic sparks fly off from the ones that hit him. One has to wonder if that means he takes damage, or if he just causes them and is actually invincible.
Julian: "... We need giant robots. Remind me to get Engine on that when we get outta here." *STOP. SAWYERTIME.*
Metal Man (GM): He leaps around like a dancer, dodging everything.
Green Ranger: "You're too slow! Ack!"
Metal Man (GM): Sparks fly off of him.
Deloth: "Remind me to look for the strongest, cheapest rotgut money can buy when we get out of here. I'm going to need to be very, very drunk to forget all of this."
Julian (GM): *Suddenly, a jet-packing noise is heard from above as a... man in a red-tinted suit of Mandalorian armor descends from the heavens. He lands on the hill, then sees the group and walks over, waving with his right hand.*
Sky High: "Hey! Broheims! I'm lookin' for my... uh... convert-a-car, yeah, that's it. Any of you seen it around lately? Had my ID in it, y'know?"
Green Ranger: "Yes! Join my side, Red Ranger! Then together we can rule Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory!"
Sky High: "...Whoa. Dude... no. Dude. Dude. No. I don't swing that way, alright?"
Green Ranger: "Oh, it's you. ...You missed! You should have killed some of the Questers!"
Sky High: "The who?"
Deloth slashes at Green Ranger twice again.
Green Ranger: "The Who are appointed to die tomorrow, not today!"
Metal Man (GM): He sails away from the attack. Then into the other one, throwing sparks everywhere.
Deloth: *HASSAN CHOP.*
Sky High: "What? No way man, I love the who. They're like, totally awesome n' stuff. You know, they got guitars n' stuff and they go-" *AIR GUITAR* "ROAWR NAOW NAOW NAOW and there's a pinball wizard in there somehow."
Metal Man (GM): Aribar now has only one leg and is hopping around.
Julian: "..." *Looks at the other Questers.* "Who the fuck is this joker?"
Aribar: *Has -74 HP.*
Deloth: "I don't know and I just want everyone evil within a fifty-mile radius to die."
Metal Man (GM): It's only a Flesh wound! Bite his kneecaps off!
Sky High: "Totally radical man, you should listen to 'em some time."
Aribar goes to shoot the green kni... ranger with his MEGA BUSTER before BITING HIM IN THE ENERGY LEG!
Julian: "...'Cept me, right?"
Dragoshi: *Has... negative 26 health* :V
Green Ranger: "Gahhhh!"
Sky High: *Lasers! AND biting!* "Whoa dude! Whoa. Dude. Dude. Whoa. Yeah. Dude. Whoa. Harsh. Biting is like, totally uncool."
Metal Man (GM): No. Dragoshi has worse than a flesh wound.
Green Ranger: "You... .hit a lot. ...Fine! I'll tell you what's really going on!"
Julian: "PLEASE fill me the fuck in."
Metal Man (GM): He presses a button and his armor turns white for no reason.
Julian: *the fuck.*
White Ranger: "I am actually one of your allies, Rita Repulsa's evil magic cursed me. Until you beat me over the head. Because of that, I feel I must warn you of the true villain!"
Deloth: *low groan.* "And that is?"
White Ranger: "Magnus Von K---" *BONK* He goes flying over your heads.
Dragoshi: *Can you bring someone who's suffered more than a flesh wound back to life though?* :V
Metal Man (GM): A strange man in weirder dress stands before the Questers.
Sky High: *Eyes would bug out if you could see them.* "No way."
???: "You meddling people... trying to ruin my perfect record!"
Aribar: *Casts a Portal to the Plane of Endless Dragoshi copies.*
???: "All I wanted to do was take over a chocolate factory for my client, Rita Repulsa... and then you messed it up!"
Metal Man (GM): Dragoshi steps in from left field, suddenly healed.
Sky High: "Dude, chocolate? Where?"
Dragoshi: *Walks in from the side.*
Deloth: "...Drag, how did you--never mind."
Dragoshi: "What's this about chocolate?"
Aribar: "Past the front lines of the Oompa Loompas!"
Sky High: "Hey, it's a... a whatever you are! How's it hangin', buddy?"
???: "But it doesn't matter. The Oompa Loompas will devour you now! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Julian: "How the... fuck..."
Metal Man (GM): The eerie singing can be heard again.
Dragoshi: "'Cause I could go for some dark chocolate."
Metal Man (GM): However, something cuts it off, as the man vanishes as soon as anyone looking at him looks sideways or blinks.
Deloth runs. Again.
Dragoshi: *Looks at Sky.* "I'm... doin' pretty well." *Just sways back and forth slightly sword at his side.*
Deloth: *Or not.*
Sky High: "...Oh no, I've seen this movie before. Where's the remote, I wanna change the channel..." *Looks around for the remote.*
Aribar: "Wait, I could create a portal to a plane that is the antithesis to the Oompa Loompas!"
Metal Man (GM): The Questers hear gunshots and suddenly all the singing stops, and swords can be heard clattering to the ground.
Eli Vance: "About time!" He's... been speaking into a radio while you were distracted.
Dragoshi: "...O... kay..."
Julian: "...Huh. Guess the cops musta shown up finally."
Dragoshi: "I guess."
Eli Vance: "Seems like somebody decided to use the wrong element in a teleporter somewhere! And... that's how we all got here. My... friends... have stabilized things enough for us to escape."
Metal Man (GM): He points down there.
Deloth: "Good. Let's go. Now."
Sky High: "Oh shit, the cops? Man, which one'a you ratted me out? Totally uncool, I gotta get outta here... but I don't know where my car is. Hey!" *Pokes Deloth in the head.* "You look like a knowledgeable guy. You know where my car is? Had my ID in it?"
Dragoshi: "Yes. Let's."
Metal Man (GM): Where the police cars are now seen and KO'd Oompa Loompas lay around everywhere.
Deloth grabs Ari in a fireman's carry and starts heading down.
Sky High: "I need that ID man, tha'ts how I get food. And I get hungry a lot."
Deloth: "Your car is dead. Leave me alone."
Sky High: "...What."
Sky High: "Do you at least know where it is? Or did you get my ID outta it?"
Metal Man (GM): Perry Mason is at the foot of the hill, with... police cars from Hawaii down there, and people with '5-0' on their stuff.
Deloth: "Ask him." *points to Perry Mason.* "Please, PLEASE tell me we can leave now."
Metal Man (GM): There's a helicopter. there is a man hanging out of it, shooting wildly at Oompa Loompas with a pistol.
Sky High: "...Nah man, he's like... a shadow person. He's gonna eat my soul."
Perry Mason: "Yes. You can leave. There's just one problem."
Julian: "...This is the most fucked up shit I ever seen in my LIFE. An' that's sayin' somethin'." *Walks over to Perry.* "How the fuck we gettin' outta here?"
Deloth: "NO. NO MORE PROBLEMS."
Dragoshi: "What is the problem."
Deloth: "I WANT OUT NOW."
Dragoshi: "And I swear if it involves exploding suns..."
Metal Man (GM): Mr. Freeze walks over and freezes a cop car solid. It's... Arnold Schwarzenegger?
Deloth: "...Black-and-white person. Give me that ID."
Sky High: "Whoa, chill out, kitty man." *Pets Deloth.* "Everything is gonna be fine."
Metal Man (GM): A portal appears to the right.
Aribar: "... Who is he?"
Perry Mason: "...On second thought, I'm not staying here." He leaps into the portal.
Julian: "Ice to meet you."
Mr. Freeze: "I vill freeze yoo."
Julian: "You do that." *Into the portal."
Deloth starts running for the portal with Ari on his back.
Dragoshi: *To the portal!*
Mr. Freeze: "Come back here. You are late for my cold rezeption."
Sky High: *Yells after Deloth.* "WHOA MAN, WAIT! I NEED THAT... dang."
Deloth: "Here's a witty rejoinder: FUCK OFF!"
Mr. Freeze: "Ve have yet to break ze ice."
Aribar: "Run faster, kitty!"
Sky High: "...Hey, EZ-Freez! You got like... an Icee or somethin'?"
Deloth uh... drops the ID as he jumps through?
Metal Man (GM): Mr. Freeze turns to attack. You run out of the portal as there is Willy Wonka, back from the dead, impale him with an Oompa Loompa Sword.
Sky High: "...dude. Harsh."
Metal Man (GM): Deloth drops the ID to Skyhigh as the helicopter man shoots an Oompa Loompa.
Aribar: *Aribar uses his last Plane spell to somehow give Spyke a new head.*
Sky High: "Oh hey." *Sky grabs his ID that has conveniently appeared.* "Thanks dude! I'm gonna go... do stuff. PEACE OUT." *Sky activates his jetpack and flies off into the sunset.*
Metal Man (GM): The very last thing there is is Will Smith in a suit, who walks onto the scene.
Will Smith: "AW HELL NO!" *VOIP.*
Metal Man (GM): The bizarre illusion dies. The Questers would wake up on their ship, nothing having actually happened. ...Except for a weird box still fizzling out. It has a tag on it.
Dragoshi: *Reads the tag.*
Metal Man (GM): 'This is for making me attack Ael - Jack'
Metal Man (GM): It has a reverse side.
Dragoshi: *Looks at the reverse side.*
Julian: *nngh... Julian shoots straight up.* "Damn, that was the worst... What was in that box?"
Deloth: "Gentlemen, let us never. Ever. EVER. Speak of this again."
Aribar jumps up from the section of the floor he claimed as his bed. He checks to make sure he has all three appendages.
Metal Man (GM): It says... 'Shadow Sirens Interdimensional Insanity Gas-- Guaranteed Weeks of Horrific Flashbacks or your Money Back!'
Deloth grabs the box and heaves it into the ocean from the ship.
Julian: "...Good idea. On both counts."
Metal Man (GM): It lists an address somewhere in Mario world... as Deloth then hurls it and the box on it off into the ocean.
Julian: *Looks at everyone.* "This NEVER Happened. Got it?"
Schatze: "What happened? You were all asleep anyway." He's... flying the ship.
Aribar: "What never happened?"
Deloth: "...I so need a drink."
Julian: "That's what I thought. Nothin'. NOTHIN' HAPPENED. Now... keep goin' where you was goin'."
Schatze: "That was HQ." He keeps the ship going.
Metal Man (GM): The Questers would also see Digi controlling the ship. It apparently missed him.
Deloth gets up and leans back on a seat, arm over his eyes.
Digifanatic: "...What?! I wasn't involved in anything..."
Aribar: "Morning, Digi."
Julian: "Exactly. You weren't. So shut up." >:(
Deloth: "...Digi, can I ask you a favor?"
Digifanatic: "Yes, Deloth?"
Deloth: "Mind your own damn business and head for HQ before I shove a tentacle down your throat."
Digifanatic: "Sure." *heads for HQ.*
Metal Man (GM): Aaand the Questers continue on their way for HQ. HAPPY APRIL FOOLS!
Digifanatic: "...There is nothing more to be paranoid about, correct?"
Deloth: "I SAID MIND YOUR OWN DAMN BUSINESS."
Digifanatic: "Not you, I'm talking about myself."
Julian: "SHUT UP."
Digifanatic: "Yes." *just walks over and sees if the Engineer's computer is still there.*
Metal Man (GM): Yeah, it's still there.
Deloth heads to the booze cabinet the moment he hits HQ. Let's see, two parts vodka, one part rum, three parts gin, half a finger of red wine... Two shots of tequila, a pinch of cayenne... "...should do it." *drinks it in one gulp and instantly falls to the floor with borderline alcohol poisoning.*
Metal Man (GM): A weird side-effect causes Deloth to begin seeing vague, nightmarish flashes of what he experienced as the alcohol sets in.
Julian walks over him and heads for the jacuzzi room.
Metal Man (GM): Man, that was some nasty stuff.
Julian: "SOMEONE CLEAN UP DEL."
Deloth: *Yeah, but who cares now that he's drunk off his ass.*
Metal Man (GM): However, the actual meaning of it has been lost. It's now more like a generic nightmare response where something flashes or flies by and freaks Deloth out whenever he starts to fall asleep.
Deloth: *snoozing peacefully now on the floor, in a nice boozy coma.*
Julian: *Relaxing the fuck out in the jacuzzi.*
Digifanatic: *walks away from the computer seen as how everyone's messed up and heads to his room. Peace and quiet, he believes...*
Deloth: *Oh thanks, Digi, leaving me in the middle of the kitchen floor. You're a true friend.*
Digifanatic: *He didn't see Deloth get drunk in the first place.*