CONFRONTATION - Story - Chapter 29: Communism, Pokemon, Steampunks, and Xaviers

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Date: 6:29:36 PM, May 12th to 7:56:18 PM, May 12th;
7:00:51 PM, May 13th to 10:43:13 PM, May 13th, 2013.

Metal Man (GM): Continuation
Garrick was facing down a gauntlet of foes in order to earn the Chaos emeralds, as chaos erupted about outside.
The skeletal echidna Emperor, Kragok, would look and then tap his staff.

Kragok: "So... ready for the next challenge?"

Garrick Fy`aar: "Heh... you mean I have a choice?"

Kragok: "No, but you can wait as long as you want in here." *He gestures to the skeletal audience.* "I'm guessing you'd rather not, though."

Garrick Fy`aar glanced to the ground to his side, where he chucked the laser from the last fight. The one he disarmed from the Voyager robot. Is it still there?
"You'd be right. I need the Emeralds as soon as possible. So let's get this show on the road. Who's next?"

Metal Man (GM): A dark mist appears, and suddenly you're face to face with a skeletal Russian Colonel.

Ourumov: "You are against me, Comrade. Colonel Ourumov."

Garrick Fy`aar: "...wait. Ourumov..."
"Why does that sound so familiar?"

Ourumov: "In the great battle against Borne, you betrayed us. We aimed to defeat the Capitalist Apparatchik that is Borne with the glorious revolution of teleporter systems."

Garrick Fy`aar narrows his eyes at that...
"I never betrayed you... I was forced beyond my will."

Editor's Note: Actually Garrick wasn't really there yet, though he did contribute after that point in the plot. Thus this conversation is even more strangely out of sync with reality than I realized at the time.

Ourumov: "I was sunk beneath the ocean, where my body ended up eventually in the control of these Bourgeoisie skeletons. Every moment I have been thinking of how you twisted beings betrayed and killed everyone who you claimed to help."
"There is only one more purpose in my everlasting torment: to drag you down with me, to feel pain for every man, woman and child you sentenced to death with your treachery."

Metal Man (GM): He takes out his AK-47 and goes to get on with the shooting.
Roll init.
Order: Ourumov, Garrick

Ourumov: "What is it, anyway? Why do you apologize? You knew what you were doing. It is useless."
"I am dead now, as are my comrades. You saved that bastard Borne and let him rule the planet."

Garrick Fy`aar: "What the fuck are you talking about?! I never betrayed anyone! I was Borne's CAPTIVE!"

Ourumov: "Heh. Funny story. I recall no such thing. You were on our side against him, then suddenly you staged an attack with the one named Jack and got my leader, Trevelyan, killed."

Garrick Fy`aar: "...what...?"

Ourumov: "Maybe you confuse events I was never alive to see with my time. It's all the same to you Capitalist Borschtheads."

Editor's Note: Garrick appeared in SSQ^2 seemingly after the death of Trevelyan, thus he was unable to actually be a part of it either way. Therefore, Garrick was right and Ourumov was not.

Garrick Fy`aar: "God, I don't have time for this. I'm going to blow Borne up with the fucking Emeralds, so either concede or get moving!"

Ourumov: "Your time is meaningless to me. But you are right. Why should I bother? Let me get rid of you."

Metal Man (GM): He would fire at you with his AK-47. Red bullets fly at you, empowered by unholy undead Communistic energies.

Garrick Fy`aar bolts to the right. That was some serious pain coming his way...

Metal Man (GM): Agility/10.
37 damage.

Ourumov: "Feel the wrath of the people, selfish tyrant!"

Metal Man (GM): He reloads.

Garrick Fy`aar bolts toward him, trying to get in his face. Just like before, that gun had to go. He slides into his guard and attempts to remove that AK-47 from his grip...

Metal Man (GM): Hit.
The gun clatters to the ground a ways away.
He rubs his hand.

Ourumov: "Always like you Capitalistic Savages, stealing from the poor to make yourselves richer!"

Garrick Fy`aar slips underneath his guard while he's talking and pulls him into a lock, pressing his knife into the man's throat.

Metal Man (GM): You push your knife at him. You discover that he also has a knife, though, and he slips out of your hold.

Ourumov: "You fight like a coward. You have no honor! You care only about killing the fastest way possible. Well I can do that too. Is this what you want?" *He takes out a grenade, pulls the pin, and hurls it at you.*

Garrick Fy`aar: "Oh shi--"

Metal Man (GM): *BOOOOM*
50 damage, as it basically blankets the room in shrapnel.
However, it also damages Ourumov by 25.
Since he has nowhere to hide either, just a moment to angle it slightly.

Ourumov: "Is this it? This what you want? To die as fast as possible? Come, attack me again, Capitalist pig!"

Garrick Fy`aar growls as he gets up with a grunt, leveling his pistol at him.
"Since you asked so nicely..."
*He fires off two shots, right between his fucking eyes.*

Metal Man (GM): At this time I note you can spend EP... if you choose.
10 EP would make the first one hit.
More successes.
"Generic" *EP is the EP all characters have, regardless, and reflects the ability to overcome bad dice luck.*
I created it for precisely this problem.
It can be used for other things if you are, like, a sorcerer, but I don't see Garrick casting spells any time soon.
First one hits.

Ourumov: "Bah! A few shots and you are almost dead. I leave you to a fate worse than death: losing to someone less impressive than me."

Metal Man (GM): He disintegrates in an evil red glow, which then... flies at you?
You barely dodge the glowing energy, which you see corrode a pillar to nothing before going away.

Garrick Fy`aar skids to the side and turns, looking around for his target...

Metal Man (GM): You see him reform next to... Kragok?

Ourumov: "Bring on the next foe. I wish to see him die."

Garrick Fy`aar: ".oO(This is bad, I'm already starting to run on empty and I've got no support. And they won't heal me up until--really?)

Kragok: "You don't get to do that."

Ourumov: "You never said I couldn't stand over here."

Kragok: "But I didn't say you could do that."

Ourumov: "He is doomed!"

Garrick Fy`aar: "Just get on with it!"

Ourumov: "Fine! Communistic vengeance!"

Metal Man (GM): He picks up Kragok and hurl him at you!

Garrick Fy`aar: "Oh, for fuck--"

Metal Man (GM): Using EP? Or out of that?
This attack will deal 25 damage. You can choose to burn it or not based on this info.
Kragok lands on you. OOF. Ourumov sits in his seat.

Ourumov: "I capture this arena in the name of Communism!"

Kragok: *Slowly stands up* "...Just kill him already..."

Garrick Fy`aar groans and tries to push himself out of the way of Kragok.

Metal Man (GM): Kragok obliges, not interested in interfering.

Kragok: "I am going to seriously consider sending that thing to hell... it's nothing but trouble, even compared to the robot."

Garrick Fy`aar: "Dunno how well this will work, but..."

Ourumov: "Hell is a foolish Capitalistic myth!"

Garrick Fy`aar raises his gun, leveling his sights and dropping a shot right at him. He then swings his gun right and then back left hard, firing mid way.

Metal Man (GM): Ourumov ducks as you blast off part of the chair.

Ourumov: "Try again, foolish Capitalist!"

Metal Man (GM): Ourumov's communist emblem glows violently. It is clear that fate hates Garrick... again.
Oops.
Ourumov is smacked by the second one, dead-on.
His dodge is useless against it.
Indeed. In his cockiness, he never STOPPED dodging.
Thus being totally unprepared for it.

Garrick Fy`aar actually figures out a way to make the bullet fucking curve like a baseball and flings it right into him as he dodges the first shot.

Metal Man (GM): Ourumov is shot and his emblem glows even more violently, as he disintegrates. In his last words, he shakes his fist at you.

Ourumov: "You cannot kill an idea!"

Metal Man (GM): He then disintegrates.

Garrick Fy`aar: "Your idea was killed by the USA."

Editor's Note: Personally, I think the idea of Communism destroyed itself. The USA mostly ineffectively told it to go away for decades on end, occasionally doing more effective things at some time or another, but in a weird way, the USA enjoyed having such a foe as it justified all sorts of military... OK, saving that sort of analysis for a politics blog, continuing on with the log.

Kragok: "But you can shut it up. ...Though, tough to say, it seems like you're unlikely to survive the next challenge." *He grins.* "Looks like you may be stuck here... a while..."

Garrick Fy`aar grunts and holsters his pistol, trying hard to walk normal over to that fallen AK-47. He checks it over, the ammo and what not.

Metal Man (GM): You'd walk over to it. It is in perfect condition.
Despite having been beneath the ocean for years.

Garrick Fy`aar also checks for that laser from the robot his disarmed.

Metal Man (GM): The laser required a power supply. It's there, but not terribly useful.
No power supply for it.
It's a... laser... uhhhh... *checks*
T2, has the "Blast" ability. Blast. Attack has half accuracy and double damage.
The Machinegun has the "Machinegun" attribute.
And also "Onslaught" Onslaught. Can do another attack at -3 accuracy.
Mmm. They're both machiney, though the laser is still residually cursed by Dark Falz.

Garrick Fy`aar takes a quick moment and looks about the arena. How's it lit?

Metal Man (GM): It's got holes in the ceiling through which corridors of light come in.
Parts of the arena are clearly dark in the extreme.
Usually by the tall walls surrounding it.
Kragok is watching you, with an unsure look on his face.
"I will start the next match... ...after I let you do whatever you seem to be thinking."

Garrick Fy`aar glances over to him, then turns his back to him. He had to move fast. He quickly reached to the Mapper on his wrist and attempted to remove the power source, using a bit of techno-know-how to overload it and attach it to the laser from the robot. If he was right, he could use the focusing mirrors and the power source to turn the laser into a makeshift bomb.

Metal Man (GM): Why yes. Yes you can make a bizarre makeshift bomb.
Precisely why I made those attributes, as I had plenty of interest in encouraging... alternate ideas.
No more stupid out of combat checks!

Garrick Fy`aar nodded, palming and setting it to a remote detonator from his wrist computer. He had a plan, but he had to be good about it. He hoped that the next enemy was an idiot enough to fall for this. He only had one try.
"Alright... I'm ready."

Kragok: "All right. Bring in the next foe..."

Metal Man (GM): *BZT* In drops a reploid with a claw'd arm.

Garrick Fy`aar: .oO(Wait for the energy to reach the halfway point, so he's completely in but still blinde--now.)

Reploid: "All right! Time to claw things!"

Metal Man (GM): You have your moment of opportunity, if you wish to detonate it or something.

Garrick Fy`aar chucked the bomb in the middle of the teleportation, sprinting off into a patch of darkness and making to hide behind a pillar.
He gives it three heartbeats, then hits the switch.

Metal Man (GM): Interesting.
He falls to the ground, and is greeted with a really huge lightsplosion.
You can now, yes, use Stealthy. He can't seem to find you anyway.

Garrick Fy`aar slips into the darkness and makes like a shadow... he slowly, quietly slides his knife into the sheath on his chest... and takes a FUCKING POKEBALL OFF HIS FUCKING BELT I FORGOT I HAD A FULL TEAM OF POKEMON FUCK ALL.
He will murmur something ever so softly to the ball, a message to that particular creature... and then lobs the ball far, REALLY far, to the complete other side of the Reploid in another patch of darkness. He's attempting to make enough sound that the Reploid will turn away.

Editor's Note: Garrick does the same sort of mistake I often make. "Wow, I spent all that time making that neat thing WOW I FORGOT TO USE IT IN BATTLE AT ALL AHHHHHHH"... so relatable.

Metal Man (GM): This is... this is so hilariously awesome.

Claw: "What the hell is going on?" *Looks towards the direction Garrick is trying to distract him into.*

Kragok: "Wait... what are those? How did you get those in here? What is going on????"

Garrick Fy`aar levels his pistol, while he's back is turned and he isn't looking, and drops two fucking shots into his back.

Claw: "I didn't do anything, you stupid skeleton!"

Metal Man (GM): He can't react to something he can't see.
He's hit by both, because... yeah.
He can't dodge, because he doesn't have any time to react.
He gets up, heavily bleeding, and slowly regaining sight.

Claw: "What the... this isn't fair! You let him get the drop on me!"

Kragok: *Shrugs.*

Garrick Fy`aar: "Hey, buddy. Got a question for ya."

Claw: "I'll grab you with my claw and throw you all over this arena if you don't make it quick." *He threatens with his oversized claw-arm.*

Garrick Fy`aar: "Do you know what happens to a Reploid when it's struck by lightning?"

Claw: "Well, there is that one electrical reploid... wait, what?"

Garrick Fy`aar: "Yeah, I thought so. Raichu."
"Thunder."

Claw: "Thu-what?"

Metal Man (GM): He turns around in time to be attacked by Thunder...
*rolls for it.*
*BLAM*
It was super effective!
He falls down, looking like a toaster thrown in a bathtub.
...And with that, he's done for. Kragok claps slowly, glancing at the destruction.

Kragok: "Huh. I thought you were going to just go down like a chump for a minute there. Very well..."

Garrick Fy`aar walks across the battlefield, moving to his Raichu and patting the small mouse on the head before reaching for the ball and recalling him.

Kragok: "You only have ONE MORE to survive before you get your rest... but I assure you, it won't be a picnic!"

Metal Man (GM): An orange mist forms at the other side of the battlefield.

Kragok: "This guy... he cost me half of my budget just to hire him... ...that and he creeps ME out a bit..."

Metal Man (GM): A figure in a black robe begins to materialize.

Garrick Fy`aar turns to it... he was out of tricks, for right now... but he had to pull something else off. One more big attack and he was done for. He reached for another ball from his belt.

Metal Man (GM): He is wearing a strangely chameleon-like helmet.
And makes an unearthly sounding groan.
He looks at you, and takes out his two shortswords and laughs hideously.
He doesn't... SAY anything... he just runs at you with both his shortswords while screeching like a lunatic.
Inits.
Order: Zant, Garrick
He runs at you with his sabers, screaming maniacally.
You feel the wind blow by your neck.
That was close.

Garrick Fy`aar leaps hard to the side, dodging out of the way juuuust in the nick of time...
"Who in the blue hell..."

Metal Man (GM): He turns around and then throws one of them at you.
It sails over your head and into a wall.

Garrick Fy`aar: "Shit, he's a maniac... he's fast, so we'll screw up his speed. ESPEON! You're up! Get him off his feet, PSYCHIC!"
*He throws the ball as he sprints to the side, trying to give him two targets and making him choose and hesitate.*

Metal Man (GM): He looks at it. Then you. He chuckles.
He gets psychic'd in the face falls over backwards buffoonishly.
Also, random epic music.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rrp8YeATTYc Zant Battle [Metal Cover] (TLOZ: Twilight Princess) (Dethraxx)
Well actually that IS his theme... heavy metal version...
He takes 35 damage, and stands up again... ...and yes.
Only if you had two opponents.
This is 1-on-1, so it's Espeon vs. Zant now.

Garrick Fy`aar sprints for the sword in the wall. He's going to try and get it away from him while Espeon holds him off.

Metal Man (GM): He goes to attack you, but the Espeon is in the way.
He then spins the sword and uses SLASH at the Espeon.
*SLASH* the Espeon loses about a third of its HP.

Garrick Fy`aar glances to the side as he rips the sword from the wall.
.oO(Damn, this isn't good...)

Metal Man (GM): Zant then spins it again and goes for another slash.
Critical hit!
Espeon fainted!
Zant spins the sword, then... watches you.

Garrick Fy`aar holds Zant's sword in one hand, his pistol in the other...
.oO(Okay, okay... we'll give him some fucking armor to deal with.)
He slams the sword into the ground, reaching to his belt and pulls Espeon back into her ball. He pulls out ANOTHER ball.

Metal Man (GM): Zant is crazy, so unlike the others, it seems to be all the same to him, whatever you do.
Probably good he didn't show up earlier.
Knowing him he'd run around like a lunatic until his vision cleared.

Garrick Fy`aar: "Let's see how you are when you get some fucking shell between you and that sword. Blastoise. Fill this arena with water. Hydro Pump."

Metal Man (GM): The water would begin to fill the arena.
Oddly... Zant seems... perfectly alright with this.
He even puts away his sword, letting the water go over his head.

Garrick Fy`aar: "Now cave his chest in. Headbutt."

Metal Man (GM): You discover something strange.
Zant himself has gained a series of shells underwater as well...
...Blastoise goes to hit one of them that he appears to be in.
Zant's weird hidey-hole thing fails, at least that time.
He gets bonked and takes some damage.
About, eh, 35.
Yes.
Kragok's platform is above water.
Zant's shells surround Blastoise. Zant tries to fake Blastoise out.
He manages to pick one Blastoise doesn't expect.
Then he horribly misses!

Garrick Fy`aar will hop up there when he gets the chance.

Metal Man (GM): You would have never guessed Zant had an underwater battle form. However, his luck so far has been pretty terrible.
He goes around for another fakeout...
This one is also good...
...And he misses again.

Garrick Fy`aar stands up straight next to Kragok, holstering his pistol and looking to him.

Metal Man (GM): Zant-in-the-Shell: A bizarrely hilarious weirdness attack.

Garrick Fy`aar: "I think I should end it, don't you?"
*He reaches to his belt, drawing two balls off this time, one in each hand.*

Kragok: "I didn't even know my arena was waterproof... ...you should probably defeat him before he gets tired of missing."

Garrick Fy`aar: "Blastoise, return. Raichu. Have fun with that water. Thunder."

Metal Man (GM): ...Zant cannot dodge the entire water being electrified.
And, given he shifted to a Water Type form to fight you in the water...
Basically there are no words for how electrocuted he is.
The water drains, revealing a thoroughly electrocuted Zant.
He flops on the ground like a fish.
An electrocuted dead fish.

Garrick Fy`aar: "Good job, buddy. Return."

Metal Man (GM): He looks at you, sticks his tongue out and laughs, before vanishing.

Garrick Fy`aar absorbs Raichu into the ball before sitting down on the ledge next to Kragok, leaning back on his hands.
"I think that makes it 6 down and 4 to go."

Metal Man (GM): Kragok slowly closes his jaw, as it got stuck open.

Kragok: "...Definitely."

Metal Man (GM): You and your pokemon begin healing.

Kragok: "Rest a bit... then the penultimate round begins..."

Metal Man (GM): (((((( +10 EXP to Garrick (Because that was awesome) ))))))

Garrick Fy`aar reaches into a pouch at his belt, pulling out a pack of smokes and lighting one up.
"So, you wanna tell me what is next? Didn't you say there was one that wasn't a fight at all?"

Metal Man (GM): Nintendus HQ
Xavier is at his desk, with Gelato. His car is inexplicably wedged in the background as he looks through a pile of old mail.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Let's see. Insurance policy... nope. I just kill the poor suckers who dare dent my car." *Hurls over his shoulder*
"...A Nigerian king will give me money if I just hold a check for him? Hm. I think I shall have to invade Nigeria sometime. They must have a lot of money in there."
*Sticks mail in desk slot* "Let's see. What's this?"

Gelato: :D *He jumps up and catches the paper, excitedly ripping it to shreds.*

Metal Man (GM): He takes out some sort of resume.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Ah. Someone actually makes these things? Well. I've hired demented maniacs who wanted to kill all life in the universe. Some normal person with no combat skills or training whatsoever shouldn't be too bad."
"They probably hit harder than Digi anyway."

Metal Man (GM): Xavier gets up, idly hacking and coughing before drinking down a nice big container of blue radioactive goo before making his way to the warp room.

Gelato: *He looks over at the paper, chewing on the letterhead of the insurance policy.*

Metal Man (GM): He walks down the hallways, idly looking at the images of past Questers.

Gelato: *And he's off after Xavier with a big smile and a bouncing body.*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Klumsy... Alys... Wolfman... Wolfman again... Wolfman again... Wolfman again... Why did I hang so many images of him here again?"
"Oh, right. Less infuriating than Charles L. More-onions."
"Or Aetos... or Julian..."

Metal Man (GM): He would glance to their spots, which have also been taken by yet more images of Wolfman.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Yeesh, maybe I should just find some new images, lest someone think I'm Wolfman's lover." *Walks down to the warp room and opens the door.*

Gelato: *He hops up onto Xavier's shoulder, chirping. New adventure!*

Metal Man (GM): He would then stretch a bit, giving Gelato a pet before looking at the warp room.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Bah! Stupid controls! Do my stupid bidding!"

Metal Man (GM): He would kick the levers and they would shoot lightning.
A hole would open up in reality and suddenly out would pop Walther Pierce. ...Sideways, on the floor, in the middle of whatever it was he would usually do, say, walking around outside.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "My aim has improved! No more accidental concussions! Suck it, Professor Oak!"

Professor Oak: *Distantly* "I heard that!"

Walther Pierce: "What the heck?" *He notices he is no longer walking towards the grocery store.* "Did gravity just take a turn for the worse?" *He starts to right himself before finishing the sentence.*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Yes it did. Welcome to Nintendus, where up is down, left is right, and wrong is spaghetti! I decided to do a background check. In specific, you did not use plaid or stripes as the background to your resume. So you are hired! Your job will be... ...responding to the insane things I say!"
"Because you see here, I have this dragon thing on my shoulder. It's real nice, but it can't talk!"

Gelato: "Cheep~"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "I need someone to talk to while I shoot things! I can't seem to pay anyone else enough to stand and listen to me. Hey, maybe I can eventually give you a gun to shoot people with. But I'm guessing you want to see it in action first."
"Given unlike most of my applicants, you didn't seem to have any experience in galactic scale civil wars using Class IV banned materiel weapons."

Metal Man (GM): He would idly heft up a radioactively glowing sniper rifle.

Walther Pierce: *Standing fully up, he takes notice of the man speaking to him, but not turning around to face him, still slightly disoriented.* "Nintendus? You mean that wrestling affiliation I found a flyer for? I've been thinking about getting a bit of excerise anyway."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Oh man. You must have found one of those CAL things! I knew I shouldn't have dumped a box of those into the hole in reality..."
"Oh well, no matter. The last time we tried to wrestle, an evil warlock descended from the skies and killed a boxer with dark magic, and then a robot shot at us with a pistol capable of destroying moons."
"But there is a lot of... er... wrestling tours! Yes!"
"We wrestle with... ...crazed men from other dimensions... ...bent on killing us all. Yes."
"No contract needed!"

Gelato: *Yawn.*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "We have the new pay as you go system, you see, so you don't need to get any expensive handsets to work with us."

Walther Pierce: *Trying to pick up on everything just said to him, he started to think for a moment, as he turned around.* "Wait wait wait, what's this about the army now? I haven't fired a gun in my life! ...Water pistols excluded, of course."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "That's all right. I have a magic device that can make you shoot fireballs out of your fingertips without even realizing what you're doing! Of course the last time I tried it on someone who had no clue what they wanted, they became an insane sorceror bent on combining all explosive materials together until they died."
"So I'll wait this time."

Walther Pierce: "So what you're saying is that this place doesn't care how many fire hazards it has. I can't believe what I hear, this needs a janitor! And what did you say about a dragon?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "We had a janitor once, but he went insane after finding a magical walnut and an annoying bell."

Gelato blinks from Xavier's shoulder, tilting his head. He appears to be a six-inch long dragon made of clear gelatin, and as Walther says 'dragon', he lets out a happy chirping that sounds like birdsong.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "We had a janitor before him, he became some sort of one-armed Highlander who has hidden compartments. Being a janitor is a tough job here, it seems to involve a slow descent into insanity. You'll fit in just fine!"
*Has been standing in total darkness. Realizes he should probably stand outside of the total darkness. Does so.*
*He looks... sorta like *

Walther Pierce: "Highlander janitor, whatever. You need a replacement, and if--" *He hears the chirp.* "...A, dragon, you said." *As Xavier walks into brighter light, Walther gets a better view of him and Gelato.* "...A, small, clear-view dragon. And you wearing sci-fi gear. ...Did I read that flyer correctly?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Also, I'm Xavier Ridgecrest. Nice to meet you, Walter Penweight. Yeah. I have some devils from hell too, you should see them."
"And a magical girl."

Metal Man (GM): He would grin, his teeth glowing faintly in the darkness behind the visor.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "A lot of interesting things happen here."

Walther Pierce: "So you ARE the employer. Well." *Cross arms* "Looks like if I ever wanted to consider early retirement, this would be the place to get it from."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "The good news is, we don't discriminate. So if you lose an arm, well. One of our most famous employees lost an arm, then continued for years... ...Then he refused to have a new arm, ever."
"Even though we could have fixed it for him." *Puts metal glove to his helmet-chin.* "Never got that guy."

Walther Pierce: "You just remind me what I signed up for, because apparently watching two people jump off ropes at each other is not, and yet is, in the job application."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Oh, it is true, within a certain set of... terms..."

Walther Pierce: "Name 'em."

Metal Man (GM): Xavier would take out what looks like an old black-and-white Gameboy (but isn't one) and then turn it on.
It would show a pixelated, if visible video.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "You see, the 'ring' is... wherever people with guns or weapons are..."

Metal Man (GM): He would show a bunch of soldiers with rifles, on the feed.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "...The ropes are the range of our guns..."

Metal Man (GM): He would then point out a collection of other people in the video with wildly disparate weapons.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "...And we jump off of them to stomp the enemies to bits."

Metal Man (GM): Illogical as it appears, the blurry people... many of them actually do jump up and attack from the air. Soaring high into the air, illogically.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "The pay is the important part though."

Metal Man (GM): He would casually reach into a compartment in his suit and toss a bag at Walther's feet.
100 coins... ...made of solid gold.

Walther Pierce: "...So I just signed up into every military faction at once, then."
"The marines, the air force, everything."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Yes. Except we're better, because we do whatever it takes... with whatever equipment we have, find off the ground, or steal."

Metal Man (GM): Xavier flips through a panel on his armor. He has a TT-33 soviet pistol. Now he has some sort of futuristic plastic abomination loaded with... bad DVDs???
Then he has the sniper rifle, then a glowing sword of holy light.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "The only limit is not getting blown to bits. Naturally, you don't have anything on you, so nobody is likely to attack you."

Walther Pierce: *Walther picks up the bag, feeling its weight. He then opens it to see it's contents.* "...Well, that's, uh... pay, alright. I could probably pay the bills on my house for a year with just this."

Gelato: -.- *Zzz.*

Walther Pierce: "'Whatever it takes'. No holding back. No... avoiding civilian casualties?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Well, actually..." *He muses.*
"Civilian casualties are not encouraged, but sometimes jerks get in our way."
"We don't report to any authority, so... I try to avoid it anyway because jerks in the past didn't."
"They became literally evil and then I had to kill them."
"Evil is a very dangerous thing to be here. It will literally corrode you."
"So, the answer is, 'Avoid at most costs.'"
"I can't guarantee, but I won't treat people like target practice."
"Anyway. Lemme see." *Xavier takes out his dex.*

Metal Man (GM): He pushes some buttons on the dex/GB pocket thing.

Walther Pierce: "At least you care for the common man, I'd be disappointed if you weren't."

Xavier Ridgecrest: *C* "Hey, hey! Any Questers here that are able to come with me? Or is it just me and the people here?"

Walther Pierce: "Well, I seem to have gotten myself into this. And I don't want to waste months trying to get another employer who'll just fire me for their losing a bet. Guess you have yourself a soldier."

Gelato: '.' *The talking wakes Gelato back up with a yawn.*

Florina: "Er. I can join you... child of man."

Walther Pierce: "Can't say I've seen a dragon before. Heard about them, yes, but I expected it to be, well, at least larger than that."

Xavier Ridgecrest: *C* "All right, let's-a go."
*He'd start leading the way to where Florina is.*

Walther Pierce: *Walther proceeds to follow Xavier, not about to just lounge in the room he was brought into.*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Today's mission is... to shoot evil Time Beings. They happen to possess too much Time. And by that I mean, Time to threaten us for no reason."

Walther Pierce: "Specifically Nintendus HQ, huh? Sounds like you have an enemy faction. What do I need to know?"

Gelato: "Cheepie."

Walther Pierce: "Cheep cheep to you too, lil' dragon."

Florina: *Stretches and yawns, still in pajamas* "Okie-dokie, children of man! Where are we going again? " *She sounded more airheaded than usual...*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "We're going to shoot a bunch of evil time people! Well. Technically you're the only other one with a direct weapon."
"This is probably the most bizarre group I've ever fielded, in fact."
"And that counts the time I went into battle with a weaponized Rock n' Roll band."

Walther Pierce: "Never underestimate the power of propaganda."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Anyway, I'll help show off how to do things, using evil Time people as an example. That way, if anything goes wrong, only I will be injured. I think. This way again." *He'd go to lead the group to the Warp room again.*

Walther Pierce: *And Walther continues to follow back the way they came.*

Florina: "Okay! Let's go and shoot evil timey people... people." *She'd follow absent mindedly, not even bothering to change into something more appropriate.*

Gelato: *Ridin' along on that shoulder, chirping and tweeting up a storm.*

Florina: "What do they look like, anyway? I 'll bet they're big, scary monsters with sharp teeth for hands, and they wear t-shirts with clocks on the, but they have devil horns and a tail!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "I have the warp now. I have it engaged." *He would type into his device and open a warp.*
"Well, they look like humans, only more annoying."

Metal Man (GM): A portal to some sort of silver room shows up. Xavier cavalierly wanders into it.

Florina: "I feel bad for hurting them, but they knew what they were doing when they put their shirts on!" *She'd have a weird grin on her face.*

Walther Pierce: "And that's why you're not wearing a shirt, is it?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Bah. Shirts are potentially evil and haunted! I had a run-in with one that was filled with demons!"

Florina: "Huh? Of course this isn't a shirt. These are pajamas I saw in the shop. They're purple! Purple!"

Metal Man (GM): Xavier and the group wanders into the room. It's aboard a huge steampunk space ship. Some soldiers in weird looking metal uniforms take one look at the group assembled before them and... stare.

Guard 1: "Halt! You do not belong here!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Do you take your payments in .30 ACP or .50 flammable ammunition?"

Guard 1: "What?"

Guard 2: *Whispering* "He's a deranged maniac with guns."

Guard 1: "Oh. Uh... attack! Attack! Defend the ship!"

Walther Pierce: "And there went the negotiations."

Metal Man (GM): The two guards pick up their weird time-guns and stand to face the... strange group with Xavier.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "It's okay. Negotiations are... boring. Now... uhhh... most of you don't even have to do anything, but I guess you may as well practice battle formation."

Gelato: >:3 "Chir!"

Guard 1: "What? We are not going to just stand here while you do that!"

Guard 2: "Reality froze around him, George. We can't do anything about it now."

Florina: "Oh, you're the meanies we're supposed to beat up?" *She seems unfazed by the threats.*

George: "Dah! Always with Time Bandits ruining reality!"

Florina: "But you're not wearing your evil clock shirts! You guys need to get your act together."

Metal Man (GM): Anyway, to roll init, roll q(Agility/10)
Round down as needed.
We... ignore glitches, so you should be safe.
Order: Florina, Gelato, Walther, Xavier, Guard 1, Guard 2

Xavier Ridgecrest: "All right... I guess I got so busy talking I forgot to attack anything."

Metal Man (GM): Florina: To do an attack, you pick one of your attacks, then roll the q(number) thing to see if it hits, after picking a target.
I'm in no real rush here since, outside of Xavier, you're the only person who has an actual attack to do, and Gelato is an old hand at this and using buffs anyway.
SSQ is banter city.
Go nuts.

Walther Pierce: "Hey George, do me a favor and drop your weapon. Hand-to-hand's no fun when the opponent has bullets."

Florina: *Looks at Guard 2 and smiles, pointing at him* "No time to charge this one, but hope you like this~" *Fireball!*

Metal Man (GM): He gets hit in the face with a fireball.

George: "Like I'm going to drop my gun for--" *SMACK.*

Metal Man (GM): He takes 25 damage.
That's one of your two moves. You can do another move this turn, Florina, if you choose.
Same process, but you can also pick a different move if you want.

Walther Pierce: "Fine, I won't be stopping to deliver first aid to you if you go down then."

Florina: "Ack, you have weapons? That'll hurt, so...!" *Uses [Unnamed-so-far Defensive buff] on self!*

Metal Man (GM): DR+5, Block+4 to Florina?
And now Gelato gets to do even more buffs.

Walther Pierce: "Hey other guy! Have a name?"

Michelson: "Michelson. What's it to you, strangely out of place civilian? In fact, what are you doing with that known war criminal?"

Walther Pierce: "My boss fired me because he sucks at horse bets! Ain't that great?"

Michelson: "If you worked for the Dweezil Empire, you would know the outcome of horse races before they even began. Too bad working with a deranged Time Bandit disqualifies you on the spot."

Gelato: *He cuddles against Xavier, using his cuteness to bolster his master's murderous urges by +3 accuracy and +4 damage for a round. He then looks at Walter and chirrups and squeaks, giving him the same bonus.*

Walther Pierce: "Not my problem. I'm just here for the money, you're just here for the money, let's have an honourable fight, one fist to another. What do you say?"

Metal Man (GM): Walther... has no real attacks. If you want to specifically 'do' something, though, that's fine.
Otherwise, you can just say you pass your turn, for now.

Michelson: "What, you? Just try to hit me with a single punch, ya weak weirdo."

Walther Pierce: "Not while you've still got that weapon." *He tries to take stock of it while he can.*

Metal Man (GM): It's some sort of clockwork tommy gun.

Walther Pierce: *>Detailed analysis.*

Metal Man (GM): Mm. Interesting idea. You'd go to look at it up close, and have a hard time figuring it out. However, Xavier just hands you a smash dex (another of those weird GB things.)

Xavier Ridgecrest: "That's right, you may as well use one of these."

Metal Man (GM): It has a single button to help you look at it in more detail/scan it.

Walther Pierce: "And 'one of these' would be?" *With only having one button, he chooses to press it without waiting for a what-is.*

Smash Dex: *BEEP* "Guldencranz Mk. 2 Auto-Gun. Tier 2. Burst ability. Attack deals 5 more damage and gains +1 to accuracy. "
"End of entry."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "It's the 'explain anything' button, or the Smash Dex for short. Even if you can't attack, you can just point that thing at things."

Florina: "Um... are they worth a lot of money?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "They used to be, then technology... oh... you mean the guns those guys are using. ...Probably."

George: "Hey! Hey! Stop appraising our guns!"

Metal Man (GM): Anything else? You have 1 TP left, if you have an idea to use it, Walther.

Walther Pierce: "Well, I know what I better try and do, then." *He tries to look for cover that might give him a closer point to the hostiles. If found, attempt to take it.*

Florina: "Make sure not to damage them, please~"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "No problem. I've seen these guns before, they should survive..."

Metal Man (GM): Walther would take up position behind a table, since this ship appears to have a number of them about.

Florina: .oO(After all, my master told me that the universe runs on money... maybe I can get a head start!)

Xavier Ridgecrest: "All right..."

Metal Man (GM): Xavier takes out his TT33 and levels it at 'George.'

Xavier Ridgecrest: "That was a nice fireball, but let's see if I can't polish this time-jerk off."

George: "Bah! You're a criminal outlaw wanted in five hundred different realities!"

Michelson: "Stop taunting the infamous destroyer, George."

Metal Man (GM): *checks what has become of Xavier's accuracy--oh lordy.*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Take this! And this! And this!"

Metal Man (GM): Xavier fires at 'George' over and over again.
The attacks deal fairly little damage... DR... *Checks*
He takes 54 damage, the buff from Gelato turning Xavier's normally meh attack into a nightmare.
He's gunned down, dead as a doornail, dropping the gun.
Xavier blows the smoke off of his pistol.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "That was fun. But why should I get all the fun?"

Metal Man (GM): Xavier casually tosses a can of radioactive soda at Florina, causing Florina to gain +1 TP and +7 to attack damage.

Michelson: "What do you think this is, a game?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Yeah."

Michelson: "Gah!"

Metal Man (GM): Michelson has had about enough. He aims at Xavier and fires with all his might.

Walther Pierce: "If I may apologize for your friend's death..."

Florina: "Hey! Don't try hurting Xavier, or I'll get angry!"

Metal Man (GM): Xavier holds up a hand to shield his visor as a hail of bullets flies at him.
He blocks the first one!
And the last one!
It seems the dice god hates Michelson.
The other two do hit, dealing 48 damage, leaving their mark, though it seems like they only added a few bullet holes. It sounds much like when you're shooting a telephone pole or something else really solid.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Meh. I get hit like this all the time. It's my job."

Metal Man (GM): Florina now has 3 attacks, and +7 more damage on the attacks she does.
Er, that is, can do 3 actions this turn.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "That said, I don't like getting hit, so feel free to get rid of this joker before he deals more than a third of my armor in damage." *Coughs out a bullet somehow despite that being impossible.*

Florina: "That's it! You've pissed me off!" *What was once an airhead now seems to be kind of a violent psycho all of sudden? Unique Perk, Stress Relief activated!*

Michelson: "Oh no. I should have realized there was more than one psycho in that team!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "You didn't read that handout about how the Questers are deranged psychopaths?"

Michelson: "...Oh god. You're them? But I don't recognize..."

Walther Pierce: "Nope."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "I had to recruit some new ones. I'll be sure to tell HR to update your forms."

Florina: "You'll find my first trick rather cool!" *She uses an ice trap spell on Michelson!*

Metal Man (GM): He tries very hard to run away, truly scared to death now, but it catches him.
He gets slowed down by ice and takes 19 damage (after DR)
He's pretty weak looking now, and stuck in place.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "I believe the old announcer used to say 'finish him' but I don't have my Ninja friend here to confirm."

Walther Pierce: "You know you have every chance to surrender. Don't end up like your boyfriend!"

Michelson: "Gah! They didn't tell me Questers were going to invade our cafeterias!"

Florina: "And my second trick can be electrifying, heheheheh!" *She was... a completely different person now. Electro Attack!*

Michelson: "Surrender, to the Time Bandit? Never!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "They hate my guts. Even though their rivals also hate me. Long story."

Metal Man (GM): He... literally can't dodge, due to the ice.

Walther Pierce: "I should hear about this afterwards."

Metal Man (GM): He does block, upping his DR a little... but damage is...
75 damage after all the modifiers...
It's sort of like a Christmas tree electrocution.
He's cooked.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Well. That isn't bad for a start." *Xavier would idly chuck his gun back into his armor and look over the two corpses, and... the large locked door.*

Walther Pierce: *Walther proceeds to get up from behind the table and approach the bodies, making the sign of a cross in front of him as he has a moment of silence.*

Gelato: 'w' *And he helped!*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Hm. Good. Maybe I should make Walther the chaplain. Then people can stop spreading rumors that I am a demon or something."

Walther Pierce: *He then picks up both weapons and dual-wields them, pointing into the air.* "Which one of you said you wanted one of these? Pajama-girl, I think."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Yeah."

Florina: "Ohh, I would, mister!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "I don't need more guns. I have so many that when I pratfall, guns fly everywhere."

Florina: *Has apparently reverted back to her airheaded self already...*

Xavier Ridgecrest: *Takes out a bizarre looking harpoon gun* "Where did I even get this from..."

Walther Pierce: *He hits the safety with the weapon in his left before tossing it to Florina?.* "That one's all yours."

Metal Man (GM): Xavier then idly points to the door.
It seems to be sealed shut, and 'ALARM' is on there in big letters.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Bulkheads like to get in the way... they have... things that keep them shut and it annoys me. I'm not a real puzzle kind of man... ...I prefer to let other people figure those out."

Gelato: "Squee?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "My way ends up getting me launched into outer space too often, and was banned in several countries."

Florina: *Places the gun in a bag for safekeeping* "Hehehe... I never knew I had it in me. But they should think twice before hurting my friends!"

Walther Pierce: *He turns on the safety for his weapon before putting his finger over the trigger.* "Considering we're in the cafeteria, there should be more doors around. Let's try to figure out where in the ship relative to the cockpit we're at."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "This is real good, because we somehow... Ah, right."

Metal Man (GM): He would turn around.
There's... a door to the kitchen. That is open.
There's a door to a different hallway, also locked.
And the door that was mentioned first, still locked. 3 doors in total.

Walther Pierce: "Can't be locked from the outside. I'm going to check these bodies for things, someone else can see if the kitchen is occupied."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Tactics? Huh... I forgot those existed." *He would look around.* "I'll stay here, it's the most likely point for more of those guys to come at us with. I can slow them down if need be."

Gelato jumps down, scampering to the kitchen. Food!

Florina: "Huh... I can take a look around, maybe we can use the layout of this place to our advantage..."

Metal Man (GM): Inside the kitchen is an array of strange looking fruit and vegetables from planets you've never seen before. There's also a sink, and knives. Lots of knives. And forks.. ..Seems like everyone else bailed when they heard the fighting, the kitchen itself is empty.
More interesting is the existence of a window.
The ship, some sort of space-paddlewheel cruiser, is floating over a planet of some kind.

Gelato: *He ignores the window to leap up and start chowing down on the fruit and veggies.*

Florina: *Stealthily wanders about the area, relying on her Photographic Memory to create a mental map of the place, so to speak. What could they do to get past the doors without just blowing them open...?* (Investigator)

Metal Man (GM): It appears some group did something with a nearby wall, some sort of hidden passage. The marks of fingers means they were in such a hurry they didn't properly conceal their hurried exit.

Gelato: *Munch munch munch.*

Metal Man (GM): The body search mostly finds some odd bits, like a "Dweezil" badge.

Florina: "Hm, everyone, please come here~! I found the answer to what we're looking for!" *She sipped a juicebox afterward from all that talking.*

Metal Man (GM): Each one has it, it's a weird circle that looks like a metallic ball of yarn of sorts, that weird broze color with a 'D' around the outside of it.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Well, that's new. Usually we just shoot at things until we find ourselves in a bad situation." *Wanders into the kitchen.*

Walther Pierce: *Walther keeps one of the badges, thinking it might come into play eventually. That, or, just become a throwable distraction.*

Gelato brings a piece of fruit back to Xavier. SHARING~

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Ah. An orange. Good. Because bananas are evil and cursed."

Walther Pierce: "Well excuse me, then."

Xavier Ridgecrest flips up his visor and eats the entire thing whole, recovering some HP, then flips the visor down.
"It's a long story that involves bananas that exploded."

Florina: *Standing aside to let the others look at what she discovered* "I think we can just get in through here~" *Was she really an airhead? Her skills seem to contradict her personality.*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Me and my crewmen were trapped in an evil temple where our items were stolen and put in exotic traps, including ones with bananas that would kill you if you touched them. Right. Let's go." *He taps at it and opens it up.* "Nice hinge. Didn't even have to punch anything."

Walther Pierce: "When you have to weaponize everything, you don't pull punches."

Metal Man (GM): Xavier would start climbing down the ladder inside it.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Yeah. Just wait until I tell you about my butter knife of doom. Or the mythical, nonexistent mascara flamethrower."

Walther Pierce: *Walther takes second place in going down the ladder.*

Gelato hops onto Xavier's head for a nice, soft ride down.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "That was a lie cooked up by the nefarious Charles Magellean."

Florina: *Follows them, still sipping. She looked far more happy and content than she should be.*

Metal Man (GM): The pipes split into one way that goes further ahead in the ship, and another that goes to the rear.
Glowing signs say the front goes to 'Bridge' and the back one goes to 'Escape pods'

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Unless you guys think we need to go back there, I think it's time to visit the Bridge." *Slurps the rest of the orange.* "See, I had an ulterior motive. It involves flying the evil bad guy's ship to attack other evil bad guys."

Walther Pierce: "Escape pods, huh? If I had the know-how, I'd lock them to where the current staff couldn't use them, only us. But, well, that's not what I spent my time doing."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "This ship is fairly out of the way so they didn't really think it was me, but rather some random space pirates. So far they haven't abandoned ship... or maybe they have..."
*Shrugs.*

Florina: "Um... you mean like setting a collision course?"

Walther Pierce: "That would be the simple option, yes."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Collisions? Hahahaha. I like your thinking! But no. Something even more explody!"

Metal Man (GM): Xavier would begin walking down the narrow corridor, scraping against the walls.

Gelato bonks Xavier's helmet with his nose.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Man, I hate it when they don't make their corridors fit combat-ready androids. You OK, Gelato? Don't want to squish you there."

Walther Pierce: *Walther follows.* "Collisions while setting every weapon to fire automatically, then?"

Gelato: *Form of... a window! Shape of... a planet!*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Getting warmer... Oh... you're telling me there's some sort of planet here? Interesting. I'll have to figure out what it is later."
"I just picked a random place on a map really."

Walther Pierce: "Looks like a collision, self-destructs at proximity?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Starting a war by flying the wrong ship in the right place, my man! Much more convoluted and crazy. The things you mentioned are what I used to do."
"But then I learned of politics!"

Gelato: :D *Best communicator.*

Florina: *Keeping an eye on the areas they pass through, in case of finding anything that could be sold or used* "We could fit this thing with a bunch of scary claws and make it roar and frighten people!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "If you steal the enemy's hat and throw it over the fence... then they go nuts and do crazy things. It's amusing, like ants."

Metal Man (GM): Xavier eventually reaches the end of the tube, and pops open the panel.

???: "--And so, I told you, there are NOT Questers in my ship!"

Metal Man (GM): Xavier's head pokes out of the floor right behind ???.
??? slowly turns around and stares.

Walther Pierce: *Walther tries to hang back out of view, to no effect.*

???: "And that is NOT Xavier Ridgecrest staring at me from underneath the flo--AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!"

Metal Man (GM): Xavier pops out of the way, gesturing for the rest of you to follow him.

Florina: *Is behind, waving and smiling at the new friends they just found!*

???: "What on earth... What..."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Oh... is it Lancius I see? Fancy seeing you here!"

Walther Pierce: *Walther comes out last, shrugging.* "Nice to see you too."

Lancius: "...It all makes sense now. You came here to kill me."

Gelato: "Chiri."

Metal Man (GM): Lancius is a much more decorated looking Dweezil, with really huge shoulder pads of bronze.

Lancius: "And the others let you, because they told me for some forsaken reason that you aren't a top target anymore! But why? Why are you here? This ship was intentionally stationed lightyears away so you wouldn't be offended by it anymore!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "To be honest, I picked a dot on a map and found you on it."

Metal Man (GM): Lancius facepalms.

Florina: "Hi Lancy! Is it okay if I call you that? We're going to turn this into a scary claws and roaring ship!"

Lancius: "And who are these people? ...What? ...This is just like First Basic... ...Fine. I would fight you, but my own people clearly decided to let this happen to me as punishment for violating the 'do not taunt anyone we are not at war with.'"
"Oh, great! You've hired some more innocent people to corrupt into madmen, haven't you, Xavier?"

Florina: "Lancy, you're in charge of making the roars! Can you practice for us?"

Walther Pierce: "Wouldn't be here if horse races weren't a thing."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "It's what happens when people turn in resumes to jobs they found in the street, glowing strangely. I ain't the one who did it."

Lancius: "Bah. The only roar I'm going to make is to HQ when I abandon this ship after you've done Time knows what to it."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Not so fast. We need the keys."

Lancius: "Oh, and I'm just going to GIVE them to you?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "What else is going to happen, other than automatic weapon fire?"

Florina: *Sad face* "Pllllleeeease?"

Lancius: "I'm not some dirk in a fancy suit, you know, I can actually fight. No! No roaring!" *Amusingly, his yelling is borderline roaring at this point.*

Walther Pierce: "And so can your troops. As in, fight each other."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Gelato can... roar... I think..."

Gelato: 'w' "Gr"

Lancius: "...Pah. Here. You want my keys? Give me a better reason."

Florina: "Um, you'll get a 30% cut of the roaring clawship business?"

Gelato: *He falls off of his shoulder, looking around the room after splatting.*

Florina: "But we can't start that business without you in the first place, so, Lancy, please reconsider! If you say yes, think of all the profits!"

Walther Pierce: *Walther pulls out the Dweezil badge from his pocket.* "I found this on a table after we came in. One of your soldiers was found dead in the cafeteria. The other had gone insane, and also lacked said badge. Want to tell me something about your leadership?"

Metal Man (GM): Gelato would notice some sort of wire near a control panel, just... hanging out... full of electricity...

Gelato: 8D *Does it spark.*

Metal Man (GM): Definitely.

Lancius: "What? But... I... ...damn it!"

Gelato: *He runs over, gnawing on it and trying to yank it out.*

Lancius: "Questers, paying attention to what's going on? What kind of nightmare world have I been transported to?"

Walther Pierce: "The one where I lost my old job."

Metal Man (GM): *TSHOOOOWM* The lights dim as part of the ship catastrophically shuts down.

Gelato: :3 *Chew chew chew.*

Florina: "...Awwwww, we won't be able to amp your voice now, Lancy!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "I have to say. I think I like this ship without half of the stabilizers. Makes it a lot harder to jump off of."

Metal Man (GM): *The floor buckles a bit as the ship wobbles.*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Wouldn't it be bad if the Time Stooges saw how messed up your ship has become, Lancy?"

Gelato: *He goes back to Xavier, cheerfully gnawing on his new wire.*

Lancius: "...Fine. Fine! The world has gone upside down. Questers are noticing morale issues, unplugging my consoles and calling me names!"

Metal Man (GM): He hurls the keys at Walther's feet.

Lancius: "I have had enough! I'm going to go quit and find a better job!"

Walther Pierce: *Walther picks them up rather quickly.*

Florina: "Come with us, Lancy! You're one step away from having a wonderful career!"

Lancius: "What? No. Anyone who works with Xavier dies horribly! But that's your problem. Away!"

Metal Man (GM): Lancius takes out some rocket-parachute and leaps out an open window, rocketing to freedom.

Walther Pierce: *He jangles them around until he's holding one between his finger and thumb, ready to use.*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "...Well, I like to shoot things, but he was too whiny to shoot."

Walther Pierce: "I was entertained, at least."

Florina: "...Awww. Lancy, I'll never forget you."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "...Anyway, let's get out of here. You can enter the keys into the... key thing."
"I'll do that thing with the steering."

Metal Man (GM): Xavier walks over to the steering wheel.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Let's see... this looks... antiquated... ...what kind of maniac puts a ship steering wheel on a space ship?"

Walther Pierce: *Walther proceeds up to the control panel, looking for whichever one was main control. Also looks through the keys to make sure he had the right one ready.*

Metal Man (GM): Bunch of swtiches. The biggest, baddest looking key is the only thing that'll fit that key slot.

Florina: "A maniac who doesn't see the sense in a wonderful business deal."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Makes sense."

Walther Pierce: "Probably one who watches television all the time. Elliot's Penninsula was rather popular recently."

Gelato wants more fruit.

Walther Pierce: *Big slot, big key. Walther applies it and turns the ignition.*

Xavier Ridgecrest: *Glances to Gelato* "Hold on a moment, I'll need to figure out what to do with this big set of buttons."

Metal Man (GM): The ship's controls light up, and throw sparks.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Hm. I'm guessing that's what Gelato disabled. Bah... nobody needs Escape pods anyway!"

Metal Man (GM): The ship lurches, showing the fairly neutral looking farm world below.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Let's see... where are we... Evertonia... whatever that is..."

Metal Man (GM): Xavier tosses a map to the side, that was laying on the dash.

Walther Pierce: *Walther picks up the map and just stares around on it.* "Want to know how far away from home we are..."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Right. You guys did your part... now I do mine."

Metal Man (GM): The map shows many universes.
This one is currently about two away from the big red dot noted as 'Nintendus.'

Florina: "Um... are we on a collision course with that planet now? I think they have lots of good food there, so maybe we should wait..."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Aw crud. This thing has some fancy shmancy guidance system over there, and it's miscalibrated."

Metal Man (GM): Xavier points to a bunch of chains that control numbers that correspond to the numbers on that map.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Somebody set it to Alsa so I don't accidentally land us inside this planet's core."

Walther Pierce: "Alsa, right, sure." *He tries to check what coordinates Alsa is on the map.*

Metal Man (GM): It appears to be '0, 4', near the bottom edge of the map.
A big warning around it says that it is 'TIME COP TERRITORY'

Florina: *Humming peacefully as she finishes her juicebox, oblivious to what's going on.*

Walther Pierce: *Walther walks over to the chains and attempts to change the numbers displayed to said coordinates. Once that's done, he jangles the chains some.* "Map talks about Time Cop territory, that who you're trying to aggro?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Yeah, though the Time Cops are... kinda dead... Long story. Lots of plastic explosives."
"Also an owl."

Florina: "Time cops? Are those the guys with the clock t-shirts with a halo over them instead?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Yes. Those guys actually wear Clock Shirts. They had dumb little spears too."

Metal Man (GM): Xavier engages the ship, and it starts flying though space really fast.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "You'll see what I mean soon."

Florina: "Maybe they're at least with the program, unlike those time jerks who didn't even have the decency to get into uniform!"

Metal Man (GM): One of the things on the bridge starts ringing.

Walther Pierce: "Is that an alarm?"

Metal Man (GM): It starts printing out some weird telegram that says "SUPREME LORD LACONIUS."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "I dunno. It looks a lot like some sort of communicator."

Metal Man (GM): A blue bottun is glowing on it.

Gelato hops up onto the button.

Florina: "Oooh, ooh, I'll answer it! Lancony sounds like someone important."

Metal Man (GM): An image of some Southern Gentleman in strange steampunk armor shows up. He stares at all of you, and also Xavier.

Walther Pierce: *Walther tries to make with the program and salute.* "Sir."

Laconius: "Hmph. I see you disposed of my worthless nephew. Good going. I was going to kill you all, but it appears there is a better deal in the offing."
"Y'see, there's some... things goin' on Alsa... where you are goin'..."

Florina: *Waves and smiles* "Hello, Super Lord Lacony! Do you want to audition for a voice acting role?"

Laconius: "..." *Chuckles* "Maybe you should become broadway actors... it'd train you how not to spill your intentions all over my spy devices... ...You go straight to Alsa, by all means. There's a special package waitin' for you on it."

Florina: "We just need you to make some roaring noises, and we can record them and give you royalties!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Well, that's incredibly easy. Why did I even have to do all of this... oh right. You aren't a sane person who could have just told me this first."

Laconius: "To be honest, I had no intention of tellin' you, until I remembered... you're so annoying and weird. Y'all go to Alsa and go to the place, an' then I won't have to bother remote self destructin' yer stolen ship."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Well, it's not like I can stop it anyway. We blew out the brakes. It's going to decelerate naturally."

Laconius: "Hmph. Have 'fun.' But if you take another ship, I WILL kill you. Just a friendly warnin'." *He grins, then vanishes from the screen.*

Florina: "Does that mean you don't want to audition, Supper Lord? It's okay, I understand... you have a lot of people to feed."

Walther Pierce: "Wonder if he'll care about us buying out a ship."

Florina: "Aww, he's gone. Why do people always turn down a good business proposal? Wait a minute... they both had L names!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Buying one wouldn't let me start a secret war. Yeah, they're clearly related. One of them's brighter than the other one."

Florina: "Xavier, what are we going to do now?"

Walther Pierce: "Not about to now, from the sound of it."

Gelato climbs back onto Xavier's shoulder, looking tired. Crazy screaming people make his tiny head weary.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "We see what's on the other side, I think. Then, if it's bad... we shoot it... a lot."

Metal Man (GM): The ship slows down, approaching Alsa.
A... battle is already going on... ...and the other ships look just like this one.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "...Well, damn. They started the war without us. ...But why?"
"I don't know what's going on... and I don't like that."

Walther Pierce: "So this theft was pointless? Har."

Metal Man (GM): The ship drifts towards its destination.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Not quite--y'see, there's another reason... This one fellow named Garrick said he'd kill me if he saw me on Alsa."
"...But he only knows what my car looks like..."
"...And this ain't a car."
"In fact, in this horde, we can go anywhere we want."

Walther Pierce: "Until you get discovered, of course."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Of course. You have any suggestions? I'm not terribly used to these confusing 3-dimensional chess games."

Florina: "Wait, why would Jerrkick want to kill you, Xavier?" *Her carefree smile was quickly replaced by a frown.*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Jerrkick was a Quester once, until he had a bad fall. Then he became a Jerkface. Jerkface the Jerk decided he must kill everyone who has super powers."

Gelato: "Chree?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "So he allied with the League of Fascist JerkFaces and tried to outlaw everything, until an evil Wolf man killed him. Nearly. Now he lives here, a bitter old man who only kills after warning you with 10 page speeches."

Walther Pierce: "I suggest we see where we've landed, for one. Are we in a swamp? I hate wading through possible croc territory."

Florina: "Don't worry, Xavy! Jerrkick won't hurt you anymore, not while we're around, right guys?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "A swamp?" *He would look outside.* "Looks like a green field to me."

Walther Pierce: "Plains territory, check."

Metal Man (GM): The telegram thing lights up again.
Blue light and everything.
The paper now reads...
Illian MacGregor.

Florina: "Maybe it's the Supper Lord again!"

Walther Pierce: "I don't know about you, but as long as we own this ship, we may as well get all the systems back online. You know, like, the escape pods, in case we want to pull a drive-by on another planet to deploy a--"
"Don't be another hostile." *He presses the button.*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "...Why am I getting calls from my evil clone right now?"

Metal Man (GM): The image is.. ..Another Xavier Ridgecrest.
His armor has brown shoulderpads.
And he has a different badge.

Florina: *Waves at the screen with a smile, but then snaps out of it when she sees Illian* "Wow! Is that you, Xavy?"

Walther Pierce: "This is either really bad or really good."

Illian MacGregor: "This is Illian MacGregor, true Metal Man and former leader of the Questers. I see here you have created a new fleet of abominations, evil clone."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "This is most likely bad, with a giant B stuck to it."

Illian MacGregor: "I have arranged this meeting, for I bugged all your devices. You wanted the Dweezil to attack the planet, so I helped bribe them into doing it."

Florina: "Does this mean you want to audition?"

Illian MacGregor: "You could call it that. See, I wish to fight you... all of you... right here. No tricks. No fancy games."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "You know I'm all about the tricks, Ill Pill!"

Illian MacGregor: "That's precisely why I let things go this way. Your damned car isn't here, and you had no clue it was happening."
"No time to prepare anything."

Walther Pierce: "You wish to beat up a hapless citizen, you say?"

Illian MacGregor: "And you can't leave without being blown up."
*Looks at Walther, his glare cold and soulless* "Anyone who has interacted with Xavier like you is irreversibly tainted and must be purged, sooner or later."

Florina: "Why do you want to fight us, Xavy Two? Aren't we your friends?"

Illian MacGregor: "Xavier stole my name and made a mockery of me. All I have left is brutally killing him and anyone else he has infected with his madness. Judging from your behavior, you are all beyond saving."

Walther Pierce: "Sheesh, you sure don't sound like Justice."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Whatever. We'll rock you and your lack of allies right now!"

Illian MacGregor: "Hmph. Like I need any. Go out into the field. No funny business. My ships are watching you."

Metal Man (GM): Several massive, white battleships would fly out and aim at the main ship as well as the battlefield.

Florina: "But -I- like you, Xavy Two!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "All right... all right... whatever you say..."

Illian MacGregor: "You'll see how little humor works on me when I'm done with you."

Metal Man (GM): The comms ends.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Well. This is it. It's us vs. him." *He would take out his smash dex.* "Good thing I have this."

Florina: "I'm serious!" *She makes an expression that can only be called a >.<*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Let's go out there and show him what we're made of."

Florina: "Xavy, why is Xavy Two so mad at us?"

Walther Pierce: "You know, he has interacted with you. Therefore he too is irreversibly tainted and must be purged. Why hasn't he got around to it."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Good question. We should ask him that. And... he hates me because... ...he's a jerkface."
"Also another long story!"

Metal Man (GM): Xavier deploys the ramp from the bridge and would begin to walk down the field. On the other side is Illian.

Florina: "Well, that's someone I'm leaving off the holiday card list!"

Metal Man (GM): Illian looks the same, only he has a flowing orange cape as well as everything else.
He also has... the ability to levitate off of the ground.
The giant ships make escape a futile proposition.

Walther Pierce: "Well, better get around to this. The things I get hired for..." *He follows Xavier off the ship, priming his clockwork rifle.*

Florina: *Follows them out, still... in her pajamas, humming a song of some sort.* "Hi Xavy Two! How are you?"

Illian MacGregor: "Xavier. Who are these people?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "The new Questers."

Illian MacGregor: "No. They can't be. I see no identifiable people."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "The old ones are kinda... old..."

Illian MacGregor: "Don't tell me, you plan on continuing for another 100 years?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Why not?"

Walther Pierce: "That's because I just got hired, to my former boss's regret. ...No, no he doesn't regret it."

Illian MacGregor: *Metallic facepalm* "You'll destroy the entire universe! You know what happens when you do this!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "So what?"

Florina: "Hey Xavy Two, how come you don't wanna be friends with us?"

Illian MacGregor: "Rrrrrgh. I don't want to be friends because Xavier inevitably kills the entire universe the minute he leads anyone ANYWHERE, even to fetch PASTA. You couldn't get the Dweezil to fly against Borne without killing two innocent guards for absolutely no reason."

Florina: "There's this awesome place where you can get ice cream and chocolate, and you can have them spell our your name in the ice cream with the chocolate! If you be my friend, I can take you there!"

Walther Pierce: "But I -tried- to save them! Poorly, but I tried."

Illian MacGregor: "Gah... one of them even SPEAKS like you, Xavier. This is worse than I could possibly imagine."
"More Questers. And not disloyal emo freaks."
"More Xaviers!"

Walther Pierce: "Yeah, you're interacting with him but don't call yourself tainted. That's pretty horrible, alright."

Florina: "Silly Xavy Two, you're a Xavy, not us!"

Metal Man (GM): Illian takes out his elephant shotgun--a massive thing.

Illian MacGregor: "I am no Xavier. Xavier is an alternate dimension abomination I accidentally created. I am the original. He STOLE my name."

Walther Pierce: "Then buy it back. I'm sure he's willing to trade off. ...Right?"

Florina: "But you're Xavy Two, Xavy is Xavy."

Illian MacGregor: "I am not Xavy Two. Mew Two is Mewtwo."

Gelato wanders over to Illian, sniffing him.

Florina: "What's a Mewtu?"

Walther Pierce: "And I am Walther Pierce, and this is my third job."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "I'm Xavier Ridgecrest, and--" *invisible car lands on Xavier mid-sentence.*

Walther Pierce: "...dangit, I didn't get the girl's name. LINE!"

Gelato: *Sniffle snuffle sniff* :3

Florina: "I'm um, er... ah... Florina. Yes. You can call me that. I'm a great Witch! Beware!"

Illian MacGregor: "What is this thing? Why is there a car over there? What is happening?"
*Stares at Gelato* "Are you some sort of... ..." *Uses his Garrickdex* "... ...Now that's just strange."

KitOrbel: *She jumps out of the driver's seat, seemingly out of nowhere because invisible car.* "Okay. Who the heck thought it was a good idea to leave me behind when I was getting you assholes Pad Thai!" *That is an angry magical girl. In full costume.*

Walther Pierce: "Florina, got it." *...* "Why -is- Xavier floored?"

Gelato: *OWNER!*

Florina: "As you can see Xavy Two, we already won the fight, so you have no choice but to let us go, and then we can go get ice cream after!"

Gelato runs over to Kit, leaping up to her arms in a giant gooey bounce.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Could someone get this car off of me? It's making me remember the time we had to catch flying beetles."

Florina: "Ohh, a new friend! Hello new friend!" *Waving to Kit.*

KitOrbel: "Oh hi Gelato... You know, I should leave you in there for stranding me back at home with nothing but your stupid car! I'll get it off you if you ask nice."

Illian MacGregor: *Stares at Kit* "Yes... finally! An Alsan Quester!"
"The one thing I've always wanted to kill!"

Gelato: *Purr purr purr.*

Walther Pierce: "Someone sounds particularly hostile today. Blood blood blood blood?"

Illian MacGregor: "All of these strange people and things Xavier has collected are of little interest to me. But you... you share Xavier's fate of cursing my name."

KitOrbel: "Not a Quester anymore, did you get the memo. I gave it up for magical girl powers. I've got a contract. I fight for truth, love, and friendship."

Florina: "No killing, Xavy Two! We have to settle this like gentlemen and ladies who want to still have stomachs so we can have ice cream afterward!"

Illian MacGregor: "Hah!"
*He takes out a contract of his own. *
"You cannot escape the Quester Contract, because I wrote it!"

Walther Pierce: *Walther decides to waltz on over to the, uh, 'still invisible' car and try to push it off.*

Illian MacGregor: "I had them sign it multiple times. You agreed to it by accident, but it still binds!"

KitOrbel: "I never signed a Quester contract. They adopted me, and I got infected against my will. Also in the memo."

Illian MacGregor: "I will have to sue you. But after I kill you."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "I'm still stuck under a car over here."

KitOrbel: *She gets back in the car and drives it -over- Xavier... Then back it up over him again, then gets out once it's not on top of him anymore.*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Oof!" *Slowly stands up* "That's the third time that's happened!"

KitOrbel: "It's very soothing really. Hitting you with a car and all."

Illian MacGregor: "Now that I see all of you... except for Razor... ...and others who I am SURE he has... I shall fight all of you!"

Florina: "Xavy Two... don't make me mad, okay? We can still settle this like ice-cream wanting seniors!"

Illian MacGregor: "You want ice cream? ICE CREAM?"

Walther Pierce: *Walther ends up being a by-product of Kit's rampage.* "Glad I wasn't under the tires."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "I SCREAM FOR ICE CREAM!"

KitOrbel: *She twirls her wand,* "Oh! I can summon ice cream! I can summon anything the size of a gallon bucket of ice cream! Give or take some mass."

Illian MacGregor: "I'm going to summon your screams, because this has gone on far enough!" *Battle.*

Metal Man (GM): Roll inits.

Illian MacGregor: "I will defeat you worthless fake Questers, and prove to you who is the real Metal Man! All on my own, because everyone else abandoned me. Except for Garrick, who will be here real soon to finish you off!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Not if I can shove radioactive exploding ice cream at you first!"

Metal Man (GM): Order: Kit, Walther, Xavier, Illian, Florina?, Gelato
Illan floats off the ground.

Illian MacGregor: "Try to hit me, witch! Magical Girls aren't even human!"
"They're monsters!"
"I'll do you a favor by killing you!"

Metal Man (GM): I believe so.
You could say in this case she was charging since before the battle though.

Florina: "No... no killing today. Go and defenestrate that vermin, new friend!" *Once again, a different persona?*

Illian MacGregor: "There aren't even any windows here!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Sure there are. Inside my helmet!"

Illian MacGregor: "Are you going to pick up rats and throw them outside of your helmet?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Maybe!"

Metal Man (GM): You could hide behind the car if you wish.

KitOrbel: *She pulls out three marbles.... LIGHT/DARK/EARTH Marblesplosion~*

Metal Man (GM): It flies over Illian's head and explodes like a firework.

Illian MacGregor: "Hah. Hahahah. Hahahahahahahaha! You should know that luck favors the just!"

Metal Man (GM): You can do one more attack, Kit.

KitOrbel: "..." *Breaths deep* "Focus Catherine, anger is the enemy, anger destroys. Love prevails..."
*Double Fire mixed with Air.*

Metal Man (GM): He's really fast, but he can't dodge that so easily.
He rockets around on his rocket skates, hit though.
13 damage after DR.

KitOrbel: "As long as I have love and friendship on my side- I can't lose!" .oO(Did I say that out loud? Why did I say that. I don't even BELIEVE that bull...)

Florina: "Drag him through the dirt until he begs for mercy!" *...Kind of scary tone of voice now, too.*

Metal Man (GM): Ah. You'd be under the vehicle, Walther.

Illian MacGregor: "See, that's the kind of madness I've come to expect from Questers!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Friendship and violent pain will prevail! Like Care Bears armed with grenades!"

KitOrbel: "... I like yours better. Can I make that my official battle phrase?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Of course!"

KitOrbel: "Yes!"

Walther Pierce: *From under the vehicle, Walther tries to take stock of where he is. After regaining wits, he maneuvers to the other side of the vehicle (as it is still invisible) for cover before trying to aim his weapon at Illian.*

Illian MacGregor: "Curse you annoying people and your catchphrases! All I want is to kill an impostor!"

KitOrbel: "Well, see, I wouldn't have had a problem with that. But then you threatened me."

Metal Man (GM): Just roll a flat Skill/10 for using the weapon for now, I'd say, Walther.

Illian MacGregor: "You're one of THEM! Of course you need to die!"

KitOrbel: "I mean, he doesn't pay me as it is. I had to buy my OWN Pad Thai even!"

Illian MacGregor: "All you do is kill civilians!"

Florina: "Ha! Xavy can't be an imposter! If he was, he'd be boring, dull, and left bloodied on the ground in a few minutes! You know, like you."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Yeah, I'm the only real one!"

Illian MacGregor: "This is some sort of parody. There is no other way I would be hearing Xavier in stereo."

KitOrbel: "Actually, I left that business. I'm kinda more of the spy-type now. Remember?"

Illian MacGregor: "What kind of maroon attacks from under a car with no skill?"

Metal Man (GM): You can try firing again, Walther.
That used one action.

KitOrbel: "The kind that doesn't want to get shot. It's a valid strategy."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Don't call him names. It's his first day on the job!"

Florina: "You're mean!"

Illian MacGregor: "You send new recruits into war zones??"

Florina: "You created this warzone!"

KitOrbel: "He sends loads of people into war zones. Small children, maroons, cute fuzzy animals..."

Illian MacGregor: "Damn your annoyingly correct logic!"

Walther Pierce: *Not wanting to try wasting time with more shots, Walther attempts to open the vehicle and look for possible items.*

Metal Man (GM): Walther would open the vehicle and find a stray banana in the glove compartment.
It has a sticker that says "DO NOT PEEL EXCEPT IN EMERGENCY."
It also is an unearthly glowing color.

KitOrbel: "Newbie! Whatever you do, don't open the trunk! It'll eat you alive!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "That's the REDITS' trunk. My trunk is just fine! Except for all the dead bodies. Er. Oops!"

Florina: "So what's with you making warzones, then threatening new recruits into going to them?"

KitOrbel: "I'm pretty sure some of them aren't dead."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "I get lazy sometimes."

KitOrbel: "I think some of them are alive and eating the dead ones..."

Walther Pierce: "...This better be good." *He takes it.* "Clean it out! Or get a janitor to do it. Did I mention you need a janitor?"

Florina: "You should be ashamed, Xavy Two!"

KitOrbel: "It was kinda uncomforting to listen to as I drove- but I didn't want to risk turning on the radio..."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "I made sure no one could ever not be listening to Crazy Bus. That would be crazy otherwise."
"This is it, stupid wannabe me! You're gonna die!"

Illian MacGregor: "What kind of stupid speech is that?"

Florina: "Xavy, go beat him up! We can tie him up and FORCE him to go on an ice cream expedition since he doesn't want to listen!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "One your own alternate dimensional self would make up! In the name of ice cream, I attack!"

Metal Man (GM): Xavier takes out his Sword of Light and runs at Illian, screaming bloody murder.

Florina: *Salutes Xavier as he attacks.*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!"

Walther Pierce: "Pledge your allegiance to some other food."

Illian MacGregor: "You can't hit me!"

Metal Man (GM): Illian tries to fly away, but Xavier overruns him and hits him multiple times with the Sword of light.

Illian MacGregor: "Oof! Argh! Ow!"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "TASTE THE RAINBOW SUCKER!"

Metal Man (GM): Illian flinches and takes 49 damage. OW.
Xavier stands over Illian and screams at him.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "IN THE NAME OF THE QUESTERS! YELLOW SUBMARIAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"

Illian MacGregor: "ARGH."

Metal Man (GM): Illian is dazed by the horrifying music.

Gelato sings along! "Aaaaaa."

Illian MacGregor: "You... worthless... fake..."

Florina: "No chocolate ice cream for you, Xavy Two!"

Metal Man (GM): Illian struggles to stand up, having been toppled around and then screamed at.

Florina: "Only vanilla! With no sprinkles!"

Illian MacGregor: "You... worthless... TRI-ATTACK!"

Metal Man (GM): *BOOM*
Xavier gets thrown back by a 63 damage explosion.
Illian then goes to fly back at everyone.

Illian MacGregor: "Come on! Keep on trying to kill me! You won't win!"

Walther Pierce: "Yeah, yeah, you keep talking like that, hostile."

Florina: "Hmph. Chill out." *[Unnamed Ice Trap Spell] go!*

Metal Man (GM): He gets stuck in ice, having already been slowed down by the music.

Illian MacGregor: "This witch... the non-magical girl one... she even attacks like you! Where did you find this abomination?"

Xavier Ridgecrest: "A strange, burned out, destroyed planet."

Florina: "No talking!" *Electro Attack!*

Metal Man (GM): Hm. Let's see if he can still dodge...
Nope.
You can spend 10 EP to make that hit if you want.
*ZAP* It hits.

Gelato: *+16 DR, +4 Block, +2 Dodge to KitOrbel.*

KitOrbel: *She goes for a few more marble attacks. Dark/Light/Earth then more Fire/Fire/Air.*

Metal Man (GM): Yes.
Still frozen and stunned, Illian is a sitting duck.
29 damage after DR...

KitOrbel: "I think this is less friendship and more the power of kicking his pretentious smug ass."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "It gets the job done!"

Illian MacGregor: "You... will see. Garrick will kill all of you."

Florina: "Now, surrender to the ice cream expedition!"

Illian MacGregor: "Then Valron and Marley. They will all kill you. I cannot lose. I... I am the true leader."
"You are all fake."

Metal Man (GM): He seems vaguely deluded.

Walther Pierce: "Been waiting to do this." *He proceeds to scan the banana with the SmashDex.*

Smash Dex: "Imploding banana. Peel off the label and throw to cause a miniaturized gravity field."

Florina: "Or is that inquisition..."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Some of each."

Walther Pierce: "Better make sure that this thing counts, then. Hey, magic girl!"

Illian MacGregor: "You... will pay... Garrick is coming... you will all die in a fire... the fakes will all die..."

Walther Pierce: "Need to know if you left the keys in this vehicle!"

Florina: "No, we're going to have ice cream. Not fire cream. I don't think that's even a th---" *Light bulb over head* "...Xavy two, you're a genius!"

KitOrbel: "Nope! Got 'em in my pocket."

Illian MacGregor: "The vengeance is worth the wait... No damage will distract from the mission... you are nothing more than Kuja wannabes..."
"Kujan fakes..."

Walther Pierce: "Of course: Going to want to borrow those for a moment!" *The TP is spent maneuvering to KitOrbel to take the keys, if she is willing to give them.*

Florina: "Surrender to the ice cream inquisiexpedition, and you can see how wrong you are!"

KitOrbel: "Why do you need the keys...?"

Walther Pierce: *Walther shows her the banana.*

Illian MacGregor: "What are you doing with that?"

Walther Pierce: "I'm not about to get close enough to him on foot."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "...Yes! Run him over with my car!"

KitOrbel: "... Fair." *She hands him the keys.* "Aim for his knee caps."

Illian MacGregor: "Oooh. You will regret that. I assure you."

Florina: "Hey, new friend! What's your name, anyway?"

Metal Man (GM): Walther has the keys. That's another TP.

Walther Pierce: "Yeah, it doesn't really fit to call you magic girl forever. I'm Walther Pierce, by the by."

Illian MacGregor: "This is a fighting force? People who don't even know eachother? Bah!"

Metal Man (GM): You did, just making sure you saw it first.

Walther Pierce: "Oh, sure, make fun of the new guy for not knowing anyone. Real swell of you there."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Enough of this. You're done, Illian! You have no allies! You sit around insulting people! You are worse than I am!"

Metal Man (GM): Xavier takes out his Star Board.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Eat rocket skateboard!"

Metal Man (GM): Xavier watches it fly over Illian's head.

Florina: *Her eyes then look over to Illian's equipment* "...Hey Xavy, is that stuff worth money, too?"

KitOrbel: "My name is Kit Ti'Fiona, short for Kitty."

Editor's Note: *Adds to the many names KitOrbel / Kit Orbel / Kit Ti'Fiona has... not that he's all that innocent, given Xavier and Illian were once two names meant for the same character, not to mention Caldon Bell as another doomed name for said entity, as well as Daniel Hahn...*

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Oops. Definitely."
"Well fine, Ill Pill! Take THIS!"

Metal Man (GM): Xavier glows and fires two lasers out of his arms.
Illian breaks loose from the ice...

Walther Pierce: "Alright, cool. I'll be sure to remember that."

Metal Man (GM): ...And dodges both.

Illian MacGregor: "What, you thought this was over? I've only just begun!"
"My allies are coming, and you shall soon lose worse than you could ever imagine!"

Metal Man (GM): Illian injects himself with some healing device, then fires his huge shotgun at Kit.
It fires a massive slug, worthy of shooting elephants.

Florina: "Florina, great Witch at your service, Kitty! We're going to have some ice cream once this is all over!"

Metal Man (GM): Agility/10 to dodge, Resist/10 to block, Kit, FYI.

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Yes. Lots of ice cream!"

Illian MacGregor: "NO ICE CREAM! Gah! You... you annoying people!"

Metal Man waits on Kit's dodge/resist/etc.

Metal Man (GM): Also... we shall be pausing after that. It'sa late and I gotta eat. We'll try continuing tomorrow nightish. It's ok if you can't make it, we'll go with who we can get, ad hoc.

Florina: "Xavy Two, if you don't pipe down, you'll only get to have a children's size cone!"

Metal Man (GM): *BOOM* 50 damage, pierces 10 DR.

Walther Pierce: "Eh, it's food."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "You're only one man, Ill Pill!"

Illian MacGregor: "Not for long. Garrick! ...Curse you, temples. Valron! Valron is coming! You'll pay..."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "We'll beat him AND you. By the time Garrick shows up he'll be fighting for nothing!"

Florina: "Don't make me draw a mustache on you!"

Illian MacGregor: "That'd make me look just like Xavier... ...you monster."

Xavier Ridgecrest: "Hey! Don't insult my mustache!"

Florina: "Hehehehehe... no, not one like Xavy's. I was thinking more like kitty whiskers!"

Metal Man (GM): And... we'll be pausing about here.
+10 EXP to Xavier, Gelato, Walther, Florina?, +6 to Kit.

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